Room For Two
by dandy wonderous
Summary: A crazy Devil Fruit puts Zoro's soul in a certain cook's body. Can Sanji get him back into his own body before his own soul is destroyed... or before the marimo drives him crazy? Nakamaship, multichapter, rated mostly for language. COMPLETE! WITH EXTRAS!
1. Waking on the Wrong Side of the Head

What's up, everybody? It's June and here's my new project! I ended up not doing as many drabbles and oneshots as I meant to… But "Gives You Hell" was the best I've ever done, in my opinion, so it's all good.

I'm not sure where the inspiration for this came. I guess I just wanted to do some body mixing and see how they would react. In the beginning I was going to just switch Zoro and Sanji, and then I was going to mix up the whole crew. But then one night I had this idea for a scene with Zoro and Sanji seeing each other's memories (to come in chapter 4), and I thought, "Hmm, what if _both_ Sanji and Zoro were in Sanji's body?" And it had to be Sanji, because Sanji couldn't fight in Zoro's body at all. Sure, Zoro's fighting is going to be thrown off from the difference in proportion and balance and upper body strength, but he can manage. Zoro's body could never pull off Sanji's fighting style. Plus, I couldn't stand the thought of a chapter story without Sanji's body. Hahaha!

I did settle on this title over "Ethereal Madness." Oh, and chapter names! Not exactly new for me ("Timeless" has chapter titles), but still fun to think up. I like doing the whole "In which…" thing, like in _Winnie-the-Pooh_ (yeah, I read Winnie; I'm cool like that).

This story may get a little confusing because of all the thinking and talking from two people at once, but I'll try to keep it as obvious as I can as to who is speaking.

My obvious bias to Sanji over Zoro really comes out in this story, I think. Oh well; I like Sanji better, so meh.

Oh, and one last note: THIS IS NOT YAOI!!! Any yaoi you want you bring yourself. This is written strictly for nakamaship. If you're a ZoSan fan, I apologize. You can… pretend, I guess.

Well, enough flapping my gums; on with the fic!

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Room For Two

By Dandy Wonderous

Chapter 1:

In Which Zoro has an Out of Body Experience

It was a beautiful, sunny, calm day on the _Going Merry_, meaning that inevitably something bad was going to happen. Zoro knew about Murphy's law (or, if he didn't know it was called that, he knew from experience that it worked), and therefore suspected that something would happen eventually.

But while it wasn't, he decided he would take advantage of the peace and nap.

This would have been fine, if _certain people_ wouldn't trip over him. While carrying drinks and spewing love rants. And then getting up and kicking him like it was somehow _his_ fault that the idiot couldn't see through the hearts in his single visible eye.

"It's your own fault for not seeing me," he said, eyes still closed, doing his level best to ignore the foot that incessantly prodded him.

"You shouldn't be laying around the deck in the first place!" Sanji growled.

"I do it all the time."

"And every time I tell you to stop!" Then he looked down at the broken glasses, the spilled drinks for the girls, and the ruined tea cakes.

_Damn,_ thought Zoro, looking at it as well. _Here it comes…_

"Shithead!" And this time Sanji's kick looked like it deserved some blocking. Zoro prevented his head from being smashed in and got to his feet, hand on his katana. "Look at that! Wasted ingredients…"

Zoro blocked the next round of kicks with the backs of his swords. "You're the one who tripped, damn it. Stop blaming me!"

"Both of you, knock it OFF!"

A familiar fist came from nowhere and conked Zoro on the head. He noticed that the cook had gotten similar treatment.

"I can't sunbathe in peace while you two are making more noise than a herd of elephants," Nami snapped, glaring at the both of them. "Now Sanji-kun, clean up this mess. And Zoro… Just go back to sleep."

Sanji looked a little shocked and a lot disappointed. Zoro smirked at his defeated, "Yes, Nami-san."

"Looks like I win this round, cook."

"Shithead…" he grumbled, but started cleaning the broken glass and spilled food up anyway.

Zoro wandered off to another part of the ship and fell back asleep. This time, he thought, he better not be woken up.

_Asshole cook._

* * *

Well, the swordsman might not have been concerned about the wasted food, but Sanji was.

Not so much the little that went into the snacks, per say, though it was still irksome that they had been ruined. No, recently he had been having other food issues.

They had been out at sea for two weeks without seeing another island, and Nami predicted it would be another week or so before they reached land. They had plenty of food to last them that long, he wasn't worried about that, but there were certain things they were running low on. Eggs, for example, and milk. No eggs meant no bread and that meant he'd have to find another way to get grains into his crew. And they seemed to be getting low on most vegetables besides mushrooms, but Usopp and Chopper both had a strange aversion to them so he would have to find some way to sneak them in without their noticing. It shouldn't be too hard for Usopp, but Chopper had that damn nose. And then he had used the last of the earlier mentioned milk to make those cakes, the ones that had given the deck a fresh coat of paint, so he would have to find some sort of substitute…

Sometimes, Sanji really hated his job, or rather the headaches it gave him.

It hadn't been like this on the _Baratie_. Customers came, ordered what they wanted, ate it, and left. He didn't have to worry about if they had been getting enough protein or iron or vitamins A and C and alpha and omega (seriously, why were there so many humans needed?). He didn't have to think about how nameless customer X was eating too many saturated fats or how faceless customer Y needed more fiber. He didn't care that this was such and such's fifth meal that day or that they had all consisted of ice cream. It wasn't his job to keep any of those people on a healthy diet.

Here it was very different. Here, it _did_ matter that Luffy was eating too much protein and not enough vegetables, that Usopp wasn't getting enough iron, that Chopper was eating too much sugar. And since no one else seemed to care about what was entering their bodies, he had to do it for them.

And that meant keeping track of six other people's eating habits, making sure they ate a little of everything he made for them, not just the parts they liked.

Hence the headaches.

Sometimes he envied Zoro, after he'd kicked Luffy out of his kitchen for the fifth time in as many minutes and then returned from the distraction to find something boiling over on him. He could just lay on the deck all day and sleep, without a care in the world.

_Shitty marimo._

* * *

Zoro's nap continued unbroken by anything save supper. After that he sprawled out on the deck under the twilit horizon and resumed sleeping, caressed by the (thankfully warm) sea breeze.

Then he was rudely awakened once again by an insistent foot.

"Idiot cook," he mumbled, not bothering to open his eyes. "I told you already, I'll sleep here any damn time I want to."

"Even when you're on watch, moss-for-brains?"

Zoro reluctantly pulled himself up from the deck and blinked the sleep out of his eyes. "What, it that time already?"

"It was "that time already" nearly an hour ago," Sanji spat, puffing on a cigarette.

"Well, then it's your fault you let me oversleep," he shot back. He stretched the kinks out of his back and looked up at the moon. Yep, definitely time for his watch. "Why are you still up, anyway?"

"Dishes. Rechecking our supplies. Planning breakfast for tomorrow. You know, actual _work_."

Zoro growled. "I do plenty of work around here."

Sanji raised his curly eyebrow. "Clearly."

"I raise and lower the anchor. And I raise and trim the sails."

"We all do some of that."

"Not the anchor; it's too heavy for you pansies."

Sanji would have gritted his teeth but remembered his cigarette in the nick of time. "I could raise it if I wanted to."

"I like to see you try."

The two men glared daggers at each other, then Sanji shook his head and turned away. "Whatever. I'm gonna go get some sleep; wake me to start breakfast, shithead."

Zoro smirked at the victory and turned away. He had just started the climb to the crow's nest, Sanji about to disappear below deck, when he spotted something approaching on the horizon.

It was a ship. And he didn't like the look of it.

"Oi, cook!"

Sanji froze in the open doorway. "What?"

Zoro scrambled up higher and peered out at the sea. "Ship. Approaching fast."

The chef crossed to the rail in a few strides of his long legs. He squinted out into the night. "Yeah, I think I see it, too. Marines?"

At this point Zoro was in the crow's nest; he grabbed the binoculars left there for general use and honed in on the nearing ship. "No… No flag."

"At all?"

"Well, there's just some carnival flags and… Oh, wait, there's writing on the sail. …"Touchstone's Troupe.""

""Touchstone's"… What the hell does that mean?"

"The hell would I know?"

"That's true, it's not like you have a brain under all that moss."

"What was that, bastard!?!"

Zoro, unconcerned about the mysterious ship that was coming at them head-on and at full speed, jumped from the crow's nest and launched a flurry of attacks at the blond, who dodged and blocked with his kicks. This went on until the noticeably larger ship was parallel with the _Going Merry_. A young, slender, voluptuous woman jumped to the railing and stood there, staring down at the two fighters. She was wearing a bright red dress and matching gloves that were incredibly glittery and black high heels, as well as just the right amount of make-up and an inviting grin.

"Ahem," the woman cleared her throat.

The two men didn't notice, still intent on killing each other.

"Ahem!" she said, louder and more pointedly.

Still ignored.

"HEY YOU TWO MORONS! PAY SOME DAMN ATTENTION!!!"

That stopped them. They froze mid-attack and looked up at her. Sanji immediately melted into a lovesick puddle while Zoro just gave her a blank stare.

"Thank you. Now." She spread her arms dramatically. "Gentlemen. Tonight, you will have the honor and pleasure of witnessing the performance of the Grand Line's premier acting troupe: Touchstone's Sailing Actors!" She waved her arm to indicate the ship.

"Any acting troupe that has you in it must be wonderful!" Sanji cheered, applauding loudly. Zoro just rolled his eyes. "Would you tell me your name, my goddess?"

Her smile broadened. "Of course. I am your hostess for the evening, Miss Thalia!"

"What an enchanting name for an even more enchanting vision such as yourself!"

Zoro had to struggle to resist the urge to kill the cook right then and there.

The woman, Thalia, shaded her eyes as though the whole place were illuminated with bright stage lights, though they really had only the stars and a few lanterns. "But I see we have a small crowd tonight. Surely you two aren't the only ones on your ship!"

"Of course not, Thalia-chan! The rest-"

CLANG!

Sanji barely reacted in time to block Zoro's katana. "Shithead! What was that for?"

"We don't know what these people are after," he hissed urgently. "What if they're marines in disguise?"

"There's no way that beautiful woman could be up to anything underhanded!"

"Ero-cook! Think with your head for once!"

"You're one to talk!"

"HEY MORONS! I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING YOU'RE SAYING!" Thalia yelled, then giggled sheepishly when they both turned to stare at her.

Zoro sighed and sheathed his katana. "Fine, whatever. Go get everybody."

"I think you should while I keep the lovely Thalia-chan company!"

The swordsman glared at him, Sanji meeting his gaze unblinking. Thalia realized quickly that they would get nowhere like this. "Um, Mr… Cook?"

Sanji broke the stare down to twirl elegantly to face her. "It's Sanji, my princess!"

"Sanji-san, would you please go get the rest of your crew?"

"Yes, Thalia-chan!" And without another moment's hesitation he was gone below deck. Several muffled thumps and confused shouts echoed from the cabin a moment later.

"I see you figured him out," Zoro observed.

She flipped her hair proudly. "I just have a way with men."

"No, that's just his normal behavior."

SPROING!

Luffy landed on the deck next to him, looking up at the actors' ship. "They're gonna put on a show for us? So cool!"

"Are you the captain?" Thalia asked curiously.

"Yeah!"

"Then permission to come aboard?" She threw a comical salute.

"You bet!"

"How did you know he was the captain?" Zoro growled.

"Um…" She pointed at their Jolly Roger. "Your flag has a straw hat on it?"

He blinked and then realized that it was pretty obvious.

"Yosh! Come on over!"

"Luffy," said Zoro in warning. "We don't know what these guys really want."

"Yeah we do! They want to put on a play for us!"

Zoro sighed. There would be no talking him out of it now; he was too excited.

"WAIT!"

A high-heeled foot slammed down onto the _Going Merry's_ railing. Nami was there, glaring up at the other woman shrewdly. "How much is this going to cost us?"

"Absolutely no charge! In fact…" She trailed off, reaching down the front of her dress and retrieving a red change purse which she tossed to Nami. "We would gladly pay _you_ to give us a chance to rehearse our new play for a real audience!"

Nami opened the purse and peeked in; it was full of tightly rolled, very large beri bills. She grinned broadly and waved at the girl absently. "Oh, then go ahead, be our guest."

By then the rest of the crew had arrived. Usopp and Chopper watched wide eyed with Luffy while two large, strong men brought a makeshift stage down onto the _Merry's_ deck and set it up in front of the mast. Sanji twittered back and forth between Nami, who was engrossed in counting her money, and Thalia, who was observing the set up. Robin watched it all curiously before looking over at the still suspicious Zoro. He scowled and she hid a laugh behind her hand.

One young man with incredibly poofy blond hair set up a popcorn popper and turned it on, only to be nearly mauled by an overexcited Luffy. He laughed and talked amicably, trying to get the rubberman to calm down until it was ready. By the time the stage was set the three youngest crewmates had large bags of buttery, salty goodness, and the blond was popping more on Sanji's helpful urging that it wouldn't be near enough.

Soon the Straw Hat crew was seated on the deck in front of the stage, except Zoro, who was on the stairs, still untrusting. Everyone else clapped and cheered when Thalia got up once again to stand before them. She had done a costume change at some point, as her dress was now midnight blue and her gloves pure white (but still sparkly).

"Welcome, one and all, to this advance performance of "The Maid of Tulip Lane"! Before we begin, allow me to introduce our esteemed manager, Mr. Touchstone!"

A tall man in his early thirties walked out from behind the curtain, looking very formal in a black tuxedo. "Hello all, aha. My name is Touchstone and I am very pleased to be here tonight, aha. This is our new play, "The Maid of Tulip Lane," a comical romance with plenty of high-stakes action, aha. This will be our opening performance, aha. I hope you all enjoy, aha."

"This guy talks funny!" Luffy laughed. "And he has a really boring voice, too!"

If Touchstone heard him he didn't say anything. "Now, with no further ado, I present to you, "The Maid of Tulip Lane"! Aha."

He stepped back behind the curtain and Thalia skipped off to the side. She sat down by a visibly excited Sanji, who could only whimper "Mellorine!" when she asked permission to do so.

The curtain pulled back to reveal another woman, this one with long flowing auburn hair. She began performing her carefully rehearsed lines (stuff about flowers and wishing she had a man and whatnot), and Zoro felt himself drifting off. He had no interest in plays, and this one wasn't an exception.

Zoro probably would have fallen asleep if it weren't for the beginning of the second act, which effectively alerted him.

A young kid, no older than nine or ten, he guessed, walked out on stage and stared out at them. He had a large, creepy smile, one that set all Zoro's senses on high alert.

"I hope you've all been enjoying the play so far," he said softly, and the grin grew, if it were possible. "But I am afraid to inform you that you will not get to see anymore of it."

Luffy and Chopper groaned in disappointment while Usopp booed and yelled, "No fair!" Robin shot a look at Zoro, who nodded at her before giving Sanji a clear "I told you so" face.

The creepy smile kid continued to… well, smile creepily. "You see, the Touchstone Actors aren't just actors; they're also bounty hunters!"

He started to giggle behind his hands while the curtain behind him swung fully open to display the dozen or so actors and stage hands, all holding guns or other weapons. Even Thalia had some crazy bazooka thing.

"Damn!" said Zoro, jumping to his feet and unsheathing his katana.

"Shit!" agreed Sanji, stamping out his cigarette before standing to glare at the (male) enemies.

BOOM! The first shot rocked the ship, putting a big hole in the rail. Usopp yelled in indignation before regaining his cowardly senses and running to where it was safer, like behind Luffy. Everyone took that as the cue and launched into battle.

Most of the actors went down easily, but more poured over the sides of the ship. The _Merry_ soon teamed with enemies, some coming in for their attack, others limping or running away.

Somehow Sanji and Zoro found themselves back to back, glaring around at the bounty hunters.

"This is your fault, shit-cook."

"_My_ fault!?!"

"Yeah. You just _had_ to let the pretty little witch on board."

"Bastard! Don't talk about Thalia-chan like that!"

"Your little _Thalia-chan_ almost gave me a new ear piercing. With her bazooka!"

Sanji didn't have a reply to that and Zoro smirked, cutting through another four enemies. That was his third win against the cook today; he was on a roll.

Further conversation (or argumentation) was cut off by the never-ceasing tide of opponents. The two men fell into a battle rhythm, moved around each other flawlessly, complimenting and backing up the other's attacks unconsciously. No one could deny that, when the two stopped fighting each other, they worked well together.

Around them, more and more of the invaders were giving up and running away, dragging their injured crewmates with them. Soon only a handful were left. Luffy grinned around at them, fist raised. "Who's next?"

* * *

"Do you see the swordsman, Damian, aha?"

"Yes sir." The boy nodded, his creepy smile glinting in the moonlight.

"That's the one I want, aha."

"But Straw Hat Luffy's bounty is bigger."

Touchstone adjusted his tie. "I know, but Roronoa's skills are very impressive, aha. And I think it will be easier to manipulate his body once it's ours, aha."

The boy shrugged, smile never leaving. "If that's what you want, boss." He slipped off between the combatants.

* * *

Sanji and Zoro had drifted apart again, and now Zoro was more or less alone on the small and overcrowded deck. The enemies were doing their best to stay away from the "demon" with three swords, black bandanna shadowing his hard, glinting eyes. He stood in a battle stance, swords still drawn, daring anyone to approach.

To his surprise, one small form _did_ dare, stepping into the lamplight and smiling broadly at him.

"You," growled Zoro around Wado Ichimonji. He took a forceful step forward, determined to wipe that grin away.

But then his eyes locked onto the boy's wide ones, and he froze, a shiver running up his spine.

The boy raised his hand. "That's good, Roronoa Zoro."

Zoro instinctively tried to tear his gaze away but couldn't.

The boy clenched his fist. "Soul Extraction!"

Zoro's vision blurred frighteningly. His legs went numb and he felt himself falling toward the deck. He tried to fight it, but his legs weren't listening to him; _nothing_ was listening to him. He felt as though his body was slipping away from, and he was struggling to hold on to it.

He landed on the deck but couldn't feel it; it was more like watching someone _else's_ body fall and lay there, prostrate. He worked as though swimming through some thick, sticky liquid to get back to it. Maybe, if he just worked hard enough…

A hand, long and slender and in a suit, appeared from the edges of his fading vision and touched his shoulder, and at the same moment he lost his hold on his body and blacked out.

* * *

"Cotelette! Selle!"

Sanji's whirlwind handstand kick took out what was left of the enemies on his side of the _Merry._ He righted himself and glanced around; Luffy, standing over several unconscious bounty hunters and laughing, Usopp, peeking out from his shielded place behind the makeshift stage, Chopper looking worriedly at a wound on Nami's arm (it didn't look bad, but it still made Sanji see red), Robin lowering her arms in satisfaction. Everyone accounted for except…

He turned back the other way just in time to see Zoro freeze, staring at the creepy kid.

The brat said something, clenching his fist.

And then Zoro started to faint.

All Sanji knew, at that moment, was that the swordsman was going down, and that he was the only one who was close enough to help. So he did what he was supposed to do; he ran toward his nakama.

The smiling boy turned and tried to block his path, but Sanji didn't let it deter him, instead using his creepy face as a springboard to get the rest of the way to Zoro, landing next to him just as his head hit the deck.

"Oi, marimo!" He bent down and put his hand on Zoro's shoulder…

And then a green light rose from Zoro's body and engulfed Sanji.

The cook felt his whole body go strangely numb and cold, and he sank to the deck, staring blankly at the swordsman. For a moment, a blue aura rose from his body and seemed to fight with the green light; then the two mixed into a teal and slipped into Sanji's body.

He passed out.

* * *

"Swordsman-san! Cook-san!" yelled Robin in warning. Everyone turned just in time to see the blond fall down next to the unconscious Zoro.

Luffy started to run to their aid, but a sudden fist met his gut and stopped him.

The boy who had popped the popcorn had punched him. Luffy wobbled and reeled, looking suddenly tired. "I feel… sleepy…"

The man smirked, holding up his fist. "Gotta love Seastone rings!"

One of the big stage hands walked over to where Zoro and Sanji lay. He glared at the cook and kicked him hard, sending him spinning across the deck.

"Sanji-kun!" yelled Nami.

The big man bent down and picked up Zoro, slinging him lazily over one shoulder.

"I still think we oughta get this one," the Seastone man said gruffly. "He has a bigger bounty."

"Boss said he would be too much trouble," said the creepy boy. He shrugged, still smiling through the bloody nose from Sanji's foot, and hopped up onto his ship's railing with crazy dexterity. "We don't need any more."

"But still…" Popcorn boy whined.

"We got what we came for," said the big man, shifting Zoro's weight slightly. "Let's get out."

Popcorn boy sighed. "Agreed." Then they joined their crew and the ship started to pull away.

Luffy was trying to regain his strength, but it wasn't coming fast enough. "Zoro!" he yelled, stretching out his arms as much as he could in his weakened state. The bounty hunters lashed out at him with swords and axes and he had to pull back; they had gotten Zoro's body down into the belly of the ship, anyway, and he couldn't reach.

Everyone stared numbly after the retreating ship. They couldn't believe that Zoro was really gone.

* * *

"Sanji-kun! Sanji-kun, are you okay?"

_What are you talking about, woman? I'm not that ero-cook, I'm Zoro!_

"Sanji-kun! Wake up, please!"

_I already told you, I'm not-_

"N-nami-san? What happened?"

_What the hell was that!?! Why did I just talk like that dartboard?_

"What the hell? Zoro!?!"

"Sanji-kun? What's wrong?"

A weak laugh. "I just think I've finally cracked; I'm hearing moss-heads in my brain. Where is the marimo, anyway?"

"They took him, Sanji-kun. Right after you passed out."

"What do you mean, took me? I'm right here, damn woman!"

Nami jerked back in shock. "S-sanji-kun?"

"I'm not Sanji, damn it, I-Of course I'm Sanji, what are you-WHAT THE HELL!?!"

Sanji sat straight up, holding his head when it swam in protest. "What the hell?" he repeated.

"Cook-san," said Robin gently. The whole crew was crowded around him now, distracted from watching the ship-and their nakama-sail away to see what the commotion was about. "What do you mean, you're not Sanji?"

He stopped rubbing his head and looked up at her with one pleading blue eye. "But I _am_ Sanji, Robin-chan, I-What the hell is going on!?! I'm Zoro! _Zoro_!!!"

"Sanji's gone crazy!" yelled Chopper in panic. "Someone get a doctor!"

Usopp was too shocked and confused to point out that _he_ was the doctor.

Luffy leaned down and examined his chef seriously. "Okay, here's a question only the _true_ Sanji would know the answer to." He took a deep breath. "What's my favorite food?"

"Meat," said everyone (even Robin) flatly.

"Wow, you guys are good!"

"It's only because you yell for it every five seconds!" Sanji admonished, and then sighed and rubbed his temple. "Ugh, my head feels like shit. That's because it is shit, cook. Why the hell am I hearing the marimo's voice!?!"

Robin suddenly turned and started for the cabin. "Robin!" Nami called after her. "Where are you going?"

"I think I read about something similar to this," she called back. "One moment."

Meanwhile, the fog on Sanji's mind was starting to clear. He could feel another consciousness now; his own frustration and confusion mixing with another's, the alien mind trying to wrench control of his body from him, and in his weakened state of mind succeeding every now and then. Thoughts that were not his own whirled in his head, memories that did not belong to him swimming around.

_What the hell is going on?_

_Well, it looks like you're in my head, moron._

_How did _that_ happen?_

_Hell if I know. You were just staring at that shitty kid, and next thing I know you're passing out. I ran over to you, and then… _this_._

_Ugh… Yeah, I remember now…_ A memory that Sanji didn't remember played out in his head; the kid smiling at him, their gazes locking, unable to tear away…

_So that kid did this?_

_Seems that way._

_Great. I'm gonna murder him._

Robin returned then, holding a book in her hands. "Here it is; it seems that, a few hundred years ago, this same fruit was used. Though it was a different user then."

"Wait, this _fruit_?" said Nami. "You mean it's a Devil Fruit?"

"Correct. The Soul Soul no Mi, to be exact."

"Robin-chan and Nami-san are especially lovely when they are figuring out what's going on! Don't be such a yutz. Shut up asshole!"

"Sanji-kun! Shut up!"

"Yes, Nami-san… Hah. That's number four, dartboard. Shut up, marimo! You'll get me in trouble with Nami-san!"

"I said shut UP!" Nami hit his head, then went to look at Robin's book.

"So what's going on with him?" asked Usopp, leaning over to look at the book, too.

"Actually, _them_," Robin corrected. "It would seem that Swordsman-san's consciousness-his soul, if you will-has been placed into Cook-san's body."

"But Sanji-kun's soul is still there, too?"

"Yes. Only Swordsman-san's soul was moved. It says here that the soul is pulled from the body and then floats until it meets something living to latch onto, other than its first body. And that just happened to be Cook-san, in this case."

_Never saving your shitty ass again._

_I don't remember asking you to._

"I get it!" said Luffy happily. "It's mystery effects!"

"No, we know exactly what it does," Usopp corrected.

"Oh…" Luffy thought it back over again, and then smiled. "Okay, now I _really_ get it. Zoro's still here, after all."

Robin thought about it. "Well, yes, technically."

_Ask if there's a way to reverse it._

_Way ahead of you._ "Robin-chan, is there any way to get this shithead back into his old body?"

"Yes, actually. It says here that contact with his original, now soulless body will reverse the effects. The soul will go straight to the empty shell that Swordsman-san has now become."

"He was already one of those," said Sanji with a smirk that was instantly wiped away. "Asshole! I wouldn't be in this mess if you didn't trust anything with boobs!"

"Knock it off!" Nami hit Sanji's head, and then smiled. "I like this better; I only have one head to punch instead of two."

"Unfortunately, Navigator-san, I believe we should go immediately to try and find his body."

"Huh? Why?"

"Because two souls can only exist in one body for so long. Right now, Cook-san and Swordsman-san's souls are like oil and water in a bottle that has been shaken. They're mixing, but they don't like it. Eventually, the oil and water will try to separate. And when that happens, someone's soul will be forced out."

Everyone took a beat to process this information.

"Oh no! Sanji and Zoro are gonna die!" yelled Chopper finally.

"Actually, only one of them would die," Robin corrected.

"Neither of them are dieing," Luffy said, straightening his straw hat in determination. "We'll get Zoro's body back."

**End of Chapter 1**

* * *

A/N: Woot! First chapter, done! Hope you enjoyed!

_And then getting up and kicking him like it was somehow his fault that the idiot couldn't see through the hearts in his single visible eye._

First time in a fanfic of mine that I acknowledged that his eyes actually turn into hearts. Also, I want to point out that it is his _right_ eye; so many people say left. All the pictures I've seen and all through the anime it's his right eye that's visible, so unless the manga is different then his left eye is covered. Sorry, I've just seen it so much lately that I had to have a mini-rant.

_Sometimes, Sanji really hated his job, or rather the headaches it gave him._

Just me, in my Sanji-bias, ranting once again about how he has a lot to do and no help. If you read "A Chef's Hands" then you probably already know about this. By the way, if you're a huge Zoro fan who happens to hate Sanji, this probably isn't the fic for you; I love Zoro, too, but I'm a Sanji fangirl in the extreme. It's kind of sad, really.

"_Dishes. Rechecking our supplies. Planning breakfast for tomorrow. You know, actual work."_

See? But I let Zoro win FOUR whole arguments. So I'm giving.

…"_Touchstone's Troupe.""_

Touchstone is the court jester who helps Rosalind in Shakespeare's _As You Like It_, my absolute favorite Shakespeare play. But he's not a bad guy in that; just goofy. And not boring, either. I got tired of thinking up names (again, if you've read "A Chef's Hands" you know naming is something I don't excel at), so I let culture do it for me. Yay society, it has proved itself useful for something!

_I am your hostess for the evening, Miss Thalia!_

Thalia is the Greek Muse for Comedy. Omg, Dandy actually did _research_!

"_Ero-cook! Think with your head for once!"_

As opposed to the part of his anatomy he normally thinks with.

_He blinked and then realized that it was pretty obvious._

Yep… It goes without saying.

_She trailed off, reaching down the front of her dress and retrieving a red change purse which she tossed to Nami. _

Random sidetrack moment: I'm in the Sea Train episodes right now (omg, I laughed so hard during the Sogeking song that my eyes watered!), and I realized that Nami really did keep that Baby DenDen Mushi close to her heart. I wonder if Sanji ever found out it was in her bra; he'd probably get a nosebleed every time he saw one from then on.

_Hello all, aha. _

The "aha's" aren't enthusiastic at all. Almost more like he's coughing than laughing.

"_Do you see the swordsman, Damian, aha?"_

I don't know why, but I've always thought of "Damian" as an evildoer kind of name. Sorry Damians of the world. Unless you aspire to world conquest, in which case, congratulations! Please remember me after the fallout, hmm?

"_What's my favorite food?"_

Just couldn't resist.

_The Soul Soul no Mi, to be exact."_

So I don't get many points for creativity.

Well, there's the situation! Now, all they have to do is find Zoro's body before Sanji commits suicide. Shouldn't be _too_ hard. *evil eye glint… of DOOM!!!*

Cough cough… It's not a suicide fic, by the way, that was just a joke.

Speaking of that, here's my random thought of the day. I was thinking, I'm gonna write some more Sanji angst at some point. And then my brain was randomly like, Heh, Sanji angst… Sangst. And then I realized that could be done with _any_ Straw Hat: Langst, Zangst, Nangst, Changst, Rangst, Frangst (my favorite to say), Brangst… U… Us… Okay, so _almost_ any Straw Hat. So, because of his name, Usopp is not allowed to be angsty! Heehee.

Again, I hope you enjoyed!

This is Dandy Wonderous, signing off, aha.


	2. First Sign of Madness

First of all I want to say that the author notes here at the beginning are unnecessarily long, so if you're not interested in them feel free to skip on to the chapter. I won't hold a grudge, promise. *hides mace behind back*

Wow, I did _not_ expect this much response! I'm so touched! You guys are great, really! And intimidating (haha!); I hope this meets your expectations!

This chapter wasn't going to be much of anything at first. I had a few ideas, like Sanji/Zoro's dream and Sanji jumping off the ship, but other than that there wasn't much. But after reading your lovely reviews, I felt newfound strength! Roar! And it was a lot easier. I meant to post this yesterday (or rather, early this morning), but by 1 a.m. I was spelling all kinds of things wrong and used "fail" for "fell," so I decided to stop and finish today.

And now it's time for: Dandy's freak out moment of the day!

So, I'd been hearing a lot about how Sanji got a short cover story to himself, so I decided to check it out. For those of you caught up in the manga, you know what I saw when I did.

My first thought: Wow, Sanji makes one _ugly_ woman.

My second thought (this is where the freaking starts): Oh no, what if Oda changes my Sanji-kins' character!?! I mean, I know you fangirls are just eating up Sanji in drag, but I don't want him to change! I want to keep the Sanji I know and love! I mean, what will we do if he rejoins the crew with a complete personality flop? Refer to him as "Pre-Kamabakka Sanji" and "Post-Kamabakka Sanji"? And then where will we fic writers be? There'll be panic! Chaos! Disorder! 10,000 years of darkness (never should have been allowed to watch _Xioalin Showdown_)!!! And then who am I supposed to fantasize over, huh? I can only look at those weird lines on Zoro's forehead for so long before he stops being hot! (Sorry, Zoro fangirls; I love him to death, actually, just not as much as Sanji… or Robin… or Luffy… He's, like, my fourth favorite.)

Okay, I know, I know, I'm probably overreacting. I doubt Oda's gonna change one of his main characters in the middle of the series… Right? I mean… he was just having fun. Oda likes to have fun… Oh dear… *fret, worry, fret* Calm down, Dandy. Take deep breaths into this paper bag…

**Reader Review Corner! **(it's gonna be a big one; I considered not doing it, but since I started this I haven't missed one, so here it is)

Three-days-late: Thank you! And I did embrace it, as you can tell in this chapter. As for Usopp, yes, he just has to be happy! (except I'm in Enies Lobby right now and, erm…yeah)

Roo17: Yep, he's got some problems. Thank you, and I'll do my best!

Sandy Toes: Hmm… Not sure they would agree with you. But thank you!

Reformation: I'm guessing that means _Stargate Atlantis_? Never watched it. Thank you!

Dancing Nightmare: Aw, thank you! ^^ And don't worry about that, the people who read "Timeless" (my current _Naruto_ story) will tell you that I can be _very_ lazy. Oh, and! After reading your review I kept calling Sanji "Zanji"! Not so much "Soro," though, 'cause it's kind of hard to say. Oo, and one more thing: if you want a good Sanji/Zoro nakamaship fic, you should check out "Seven Deaths" by X-parrot, written back in 2004, if you haven't already. It's awesome! (in my faves) The sort-of sequel, "Bound and Determined," is also very good. X-parrot has some ZoSan stuff, too.

Mish1: High fives for liking Sanji! Thank you!

Dalia76: Thank you! And I may just check that out!

ShaolinQueen: Thank you!

RusalkaHime: It's a mystery. Thank you!

Things24: Hey, somebody thought it was funny! Heehee. Thank you!

Nia Sendo: Okay, here it is! Thank you!

Silver Child of the Sea: Boy, you're persistent, aren't you? *points at SOS review* I hope you enjoy this!

Yukiim: Aw, thank you! And finding it that way makes me feel extra special! ^^

Okay, the crazy long opening notes are over. On to the chapter!

**

* * *

**

Room for Two

By Dandy Wonderous

Chapter 2:

In Which Sanji Redefines "Internal Argument"

Zoro was trying to sleep, "trying" being the operative word.

After the crew had gotten over the initial shock of Sanji and Zoro's "condition," they had all decided to go to bed, weary from the fight. Only Robin remained up, volunteering for watch and still studying her book for more about the Soul Soul Fruit.

Sleeping had been an interesting (or more accurately, frustrating) experience. As they drifted off, Zoro fell into his normal dreams of Kuina and sword fighting, which eventually faded into blissful oblivion.

That was until Sanji's side of the brain (as he liked to think of it) started dreaming.

The cook's dreams were just what he expected of him; Sanji, surrounded by hot women in bikinis who couldn't get enough of him. Nami and Robin were prominent among them, but he recognized some others, including Vivi and (annoyingly) Thalia the bounty hunter. He did his best to ignore it, occupy his subconscious with his own dreams, and was starting to succeed when an air of pleasant surprise rolled from Sanji's side. He reluctantly let the other's vision bleed into his… and yanked both of them back into consciousness.

Sanji sat straight up in his hammock and blinked through his one eye at the wall, fury and confusion fighting for dominance over his features.

_What the hell, marimo?_

_Don't dream about her!_

_Huh? Oh, that girl… I was wondering where she came from._

The new girl in Sanji's dream had been none other than a certain blue haired swordswoman. Her face was much too young for the well-shaped body it topped, but Sanji's imagination compensated.

_Don't dream about her,_ Zoro repeated, thoughts dangerous. Rage rolled off his subconscious in waves, clouding Sanji's own thoughts.

_So she's from _your_ dreams,_ Sanji realized.

_DON'T DREAM ABOUT HER!_

For a second Sanji considered asking him about it; Zoro could hear the urge floating around his mind. And then he decided against it with a slight shrug. _Okay, fine. I'll do my best to calm my subconscious._

_You better._

_She _was_ cute, though._

No comment, just violent images of what Zoro would do to Sanji once his body was back.

Sanji sank back down to his pillow with a sigh. _This is all your fault, shitty marimo._

_Like hell it is._

The argument died as both men drifted back to sleep.

But three hours later Sanji was waking up again.

This time neither had dreamt, their sleep too deep for that. But from somewhere in the black abyss came the command to wake up, and wake up Sanji did.

Blearily he sat up and rubbed his eye clean of gunk, then stretched.

Zoro's consciousness lagged behind, trying to find their reason for waking. He could feel, as Sanji swung his body to the cabin floor, that he was still tired, in no way ready to get up. His eyelid sagged and his feet drug the floor, but he slipped on his shoes and climbed up to the deck. He was a little hungry, but other than that Zoro didn't know what they were doing.

_Oi, cook! Can't you wait 'til breakfast?_

_Oh? And who would cook it, idiot?_

Zoro's weary brain cleared enough to work that one out. Oh yeah. Sanji's food didn't just appear like magic when he woke up; he had to actually get up and cook it.

_Man, I knew you weren't a genius, but-_

_Shut up. I'm tired and not used to waking up this early._

Sanji walked out into the bright morning sunlight, squinting. _Actually, I'm late. I should have been up an hour ago, at least. Ugh… I blame you._

_For what!?!_

_For making me oversleep._

_It's not even my body! How am I supposed to control how long you sleep?_

Sanji didn't reply directly, but angry vibes and violent mental images were answer enough. He made his way to the galley, stopping once below the crow's nest.

"Robin-chwaaan! Good mooorning!" he called up.

After a moment her raven head appeared over the edge. "Good morning, Cook-san, Swordsman-san."

Zoro grunted in response, wondering if he could sleep even if the cook's body wasn't. Against Sanji's will, he grunted as well.

_Shithead! Don't be so rude to Robin-chan!_

_I can be as rude as I want._

Sanji's eyebrow twitched. He wanted so desperately to kick something right now, preferably something with mossy hair…

"Robin-chan!" he continued, regaining his senses. "I apologize for the marimo's rude behavior!"

"It's quite alright, Cook-san."

"Would you like some coffee, Robin-chan, before breakfast?"

"Why yes, thank you."

"Anything for you, my lovely Robin-chwan! I'll have it ready in a minute! No, in a second!"

_Whipped ero-cook._

_Bastard. Just because _I_ know how to treat a lady-_

_Obviously. Just look at how many times you've been laid…_

"Cook-san, is everything alright?"

Still-virginal Sanji stopped stomping on the deck in fury and snapped back to attention, love mode back on. "Why of course, Robin-chan! What could be wrong with such a beautiful angel on watch?"

_Yutz._

"I'll have your coffee ready for you immediately, Robin-chan!" He hurried to the galley, ignoring Zoro as best he could, and started brewing it.

And this was when Zoro started "trying" to sleep.

Sanji's side of the brain was preoccupied with making breakfast. Flapjacks and bacon and fried potatoes. Zoro tuned it out and began the all too familiar process of slipping into blissful unconsciousness.

Sanji's eyelid drooped.

_Oi, shitty swordsman! What are you doing?_

_Sleeping. And you call _me_ dumb._

_Yeah, well apparently, when you start to sleep, I start to sleep, too. So stay awake and let me finish breakfast._

_That's crap. Why do _I_ have to stay awake for _your_ job?_

_Don't get your soul sucked out of your body and shit like this won't happen._

_Tch. Fine, whatever._

Unfortunately for Sanji, Zoro couldn't stay awake very well. He nodded off (in a figurative sense), causing Sanji to nod off as well (in a literal sense). Soon his eyelid was drooping again, and then…

"SHIT!"

Sanji and Zoro jerked awake as a searing pain ran through his hand. He had been slicing the potatoes when Zoro decided to snooze, and had instead sliced his thumb pretty good. He ran to the sink and washed the wound in cool water, applying pressure to stem the bleeding.

_Oops._

""Oops"? You make me slice my thumb open and all you can say is "oops"!?!" Sanji hadn't meant to say it out loud, but the situation called for some yelling.

_Don't blame me for your poor knife handling._

"Shithead! This was because _you_ decided to take a nap when I specifically said not to!"

…_Okay, I admit that _did_ have a lot to do with it…_

""A lot"!?! It had _everything_ to do with it!"

"Um, Sanji, are you okay? We heard some shouting… and…"

Usopp trailed off as Sanji slowly turned toward him, right eye shadowed demonically. He gulped and, without another word, stepped back and shut the galley door.

Zoro kept his thoughts mostly noncommittal while Sanji returned to nursing his damaged thumb. After he had stopped the bleeding he stalked out of the galley and headed for the storage room. No one said anything, warded away by the dark and evil aura he emitted. He grabbed some bandages and stomped back, giving those on the deck a look that kept even Luffy from asking for breakfast. Then he slammed the door.

Zoro stayed silent while Sanji bandaged his throbbing thumb, his own thoughts fuming and broiling with anger. Only when he was finished did he try to get a thought through.

_Is your hand okay?_

_It'll be fine._

A few beats of silence.

…_I didn't mean to._

_But you did._

_I just wanted to sleep._

_I'm sure. That's all you ever do around here, anyway._

…_Are you sure your hand-_

Sanji's eye moved from his bandaged left thumb to his right, where now Zoro could see three small scars. _It'll be fine,_ he repeated.

Zoro grunted and "moved" as far from Sanji's hostile consciousness as he could.

The rest of cooking breakfast passed in relative silence, both their thoughts rolling around in the same head but going unacknowledged by the other. Zoro might have, maybe, somewhere deep, deep down, felt a little guilty about causing Sanji to cut his thumb, and therefore managed to stay awake.

Finally he was finished. Sanji checked through the bacon, pulling out the least appetizing (a relative statement, considering that it was _Sanji's_ cooking) and setting it aside on a plate. He did the same with the potatoes and a flapjack he had let burn ever so slightly. This plate he set aside on the counter; the rest of the food went on the table.

_Who's the lucky sap who gets the bad bits?_

_Can it, marimo._

"Nwami-saaan! Robin-chwaaan! Your breakfast of love is finished! And the rest of you idiots can come get some, too."

_Being stuck in your perverted head is like being in hell, you know that?_

Sanji gritted his teeth, wondering how many cigarettes he had left and knowing it wouldn't be near enough.

The famished crew filed in, greeting both Sanji and (awkwardly) Zoro. The normal breakfast routine ensued, mad dashes to get the food before Luffy ate it all, Sanji's boot meeting any trespassers into the girls' plates. He monitored his bottomless captain while serving drinks and refilling platters when they emptied.

Zoro was mostly uninterested in this, until Sanji's growling stomach reminded him of something.

_Oi, cook, aren't we… aren't _you_ going to eat?_ He mentally smacked himself for the plural slip. Sanji was amused.

_Of course I am._

_Then why aren't you?_

Genuine surprise. _Because I don't eat with the crew. I've _never_ eaten with the crew, except at parties and when it was necessary._

Zoro realized that he had never noticed this. _…Oh. You don't._

_Thanks for noticing. _He stopped paying attention to gush compliments over Nami.

Meanwhile, Zoro thought back to the plate on the counter, realizing who the "lucky sap" was. He waited impatiently until Nami waved Sanji away and he had his host's attention again.

_Why don't you eat with everyone else?_

_Because then I couldn't serve._

…_And you want to do that because…?_

Annoyance. _Because I'm a chef. We cook things for other people to enjoy, and we want to make sure they do so to the fullest._

_Oh. So you just want an ego boost. I get it._

Anger. _Look, you'll never understand. Just forget it; I'll eat when I'm ready._

Zoro (mentally) shrugged. _Whatever._ A pause. _And you feed yourself the worst for the same reason? You don't want your reputation damaged?_

Indignant. Zoro had touched on a bit of truth. _I already told you to drop it._

_Whatever,_ Zoro repeated. _I'm not interested in your eating habits, anyway._

_I don't _want_ you interested._

About that time the food ran out, besides Sanji's lone plate, tucked away. It was then that the Straw Hats decided to discuss their current predicament.

"Robin, did you find out anything else?" Nami began.

"Nothing of use," she answered. "Though there _was_ an interesting tidbit about what happens if a body with two souls dies."

"Really? What happens?" asked Usopp, finding himself morbidly curious.

"Well, if the heart stops beating, one soul _has_ to depart this earth. However, if, once that soul is gone, there is _another_ to take its place, the heart and other organs will restart, even the brain. The only exceptions are if the body is torn completely apart or is shot in the head, in which case it is assumed the extra soul floats around until it finds a new host. Or departs as well."

"Which soul dies?" asked Nami. "The one who the body belongs to, or the extra?"

"Either. The one in control of the body at the time of death is the one that dies."

_Great. So if I'm about to die, I just surrender control to you._ Sanji smirked. _Who's up for a little game of "hold your breath 'til your lungs pop"?_

_Asshole cook._

"What about time?" Nami continued. "Is there anything about how long it takes for the souls to separate?"

Robin shrugged. "Apparently, it has to do with how close the two souls are to each other. For example, perfect strangers might have only a day or two; lovers could have years."

_Then you should be gone already, shithead._

"Yosh! Then we'll have plenty of time to find Zoro!" Luffy cheered. "We're nakama; our bond is strong!"

The rest of the crew looked at Sanji, who was gritting his teeth and looking very annoyed. _Don't count on it,_ thought Nami and Usopp together.

* * *

Following the discussion the crew had left. Nami had heard that there was a marine base on the next island, so it was probably where the bounty hunters were headed. If they stayed on course, they should arrive right behind them. After that, they'd just have to find Zoro and have Sanji touch him. Piece of cake.

Alone now (relatively), the cook retrieved his plate and touched it gently. Cold. He turned and unceremoniously dumped the whole mess onto the frying pan, then turned the heat on low. He waited a bit, then took the pan off, grabbed a fork, and started eating out of it.

_You're just gonna eat it like this?_

_I don't see why not._

_What about "presentation"? You're always fussing about it._

_Why do I have to worry about presentation when it's for myself?_

_Oh, I see. So presentation is just another ego thing._

Grumbling. _There's just no point. I'm hungry, so I'm eating._

_Well, _that_ makes sense, at least._

Zoro again tried to distance himself from Sanji's consciousness, but didn't have as much luck. He had been feeling the same hunger Sanji's body felt, so he was equally interested in the food.

It was good, better than anything he could have done himself, but lacked the usual flavor and zest of Sanji's cooking. It was odd.

_Slacking off today, cook?_

_No. The food tastes like this because it's been reheated. And I picked out the worst bits._

The whole mind-reading thing was really annoying. At least he could keep _some_ thoughts secret. _And here I thought you gave _me_ the worst parts._

Sanji's grip on the fork tightened slightly. _I may not like you, but I'm a chef, and it's against my principles to give you bad food just because of that. Just like a doctor can't refuse treatment of an enemy._

_Then what's that you always spout about cooking us crap and giving the girls the real food?_

No reply.

_Well?_

…_Your moss brain obviously doesn't get it. Just forget about it._

…_Tch. Whatever._

Sanji finished eating and washed the dishes, the two men hiding away in their own thoughts. Dishes done and a few hours until lunch, Sanji gratefully moved out onto the deck for a smoke break.

In seconds Zoro was complaining.

_How can you stand that crap? It's like suffocating over and over!_

_What I do is none of your business._

_Ugh, and it stinks, too! No wonder no woman will go out with you._

The vein in Sanji's head popped, eyebrow twitching. _I don't need hygiene advice from _you,_ thank you very much. I mean, have you smelled yourself after all that training you do?_

_No. Why? You been sniffing me?_

…_That's just gross._

_Well, you're the one who admitted it._

_I did not!_

_Not the way I heard it, cook._

_AUGH! _Sanji slammed his hands on the rail in frustration, wincing as his injured thumb came in contact with the wood. He took a deep drag of his cigarette, felt it calm him.

_Seriously, how can you breath with that shit in your lungs?_

_Shitty marimo. Look, it's my body, and while you're in it, you're at my mercy._

Zoro should have resisted. But he just couldn't.

_That's what she said._

For a second, Sanji just blinked, speechless. Then, very slowly, he started to walk backward.

_Oi, ero-cook… Hey, what are you… Oi, don't do tha-_

Sanji took a running leap over the railing and dove into the ocean.

_Well, damn, I drove him to kill himself._

_I'm not going to kill myself, idiot. _Sanji at least processed _that_ thought; the rest of his mind was frenzied and uncomprehending. He spun and thrashed and kicked in the water, completely crazy, out of control.

_Um, dartboard… What the hell are you doing?_

A few disjointed phrases floated to him through the haze. _Couldn't… On deck… Break ship…_

_Oh. Right._

About that time, a sea king happened to be passing by. Not the biggest or smallest of sea kings, but ferocious in his own right. He noticed the human, flailing around idiotically, and chortled to himself, in his sea king-y way.

Opening his jaws, he came at the cook, ready to make a meal out of him.

Big mistake.

When Robin finally decided to look and see if he had survived his leap, she saw Sanji floating on the sea's surface a bit behind the ship. He had a new cigarette out (she had no idea how it hadn't been ruined in the sea water) and was trying to light it. Next to him floated a badly beaten sea king.

"Cook-san!" she called out to him. "Are you finished?"

He flipped himself off his back so he was treading water, looking up at her. "Yes, I think so."

A small smile on her lips, she grew several hands off the sides of the _Merry_, creating a sort of ladder. Sanji swam over to it and climbed up. "Ah, thank you, Robin-chan! You are an angel of mercy!"

"You're welcome, Cook-san."

Robin wandered off to do Robin-y things while Sanji leaned back against the rail, panting from the exertion and fumbling with his cigarette again. After it was lit and he had puffed on it a moment, he turned his attention to his clothes.

_Ugh. You made me get my shoes wet._

I _made you? I don't remember telling you to freakin' jump off the ship!_

Sanji didn't answer, again the anger from his part of the brain response enough. He slipped off his shoes and looked for a good place to let them dry. That done, he returned to the galley, barefoot.

_Isn't it too early for lunch?_

Sanji took a drag of his cigarette and didn't answer. Instead, he shut the door and… started stretching.

_What are you doing?_

_You're not the only one who has to exercise, dumbass._

Zoro didn't really know how to respond to that. He tried to act uninterested, but as the cook's workout began he found himself paying attention. He chalked it up to "knowing your enemy," though he couldn't deny that he was genuinely curious. That his rival might actually have to _train_ every now and then hadn't occurred to him, and he wanted to know how he went about it.

Unlike Zoro's training, which focused on strength, Sanji's was all about flexibility. He pulled off stretches and splits and other things that Zoro could only dream of. He was (grudgingly) impressed, and Sanji picked up on that and clearly started showing off, flipping into a handstand and doing vertical push-ups, among other things.

_Impressed?_

_No._

_Heh. I can read your thoughts, remember._

_Not all of them. _A pause._ Of course, I can read yours, too._

_Eh?_

_You didn't use to train this hard. But you're trying to keep up with me. Not like it'll work._

_Shitty marimo. I don't try to "keep up" with you; I can already kick your ass._

_No you can't._

_Well, you can't kick mine, either._

Frustration from Zoro's end. Unfortunately, this was true.

_We're almost evenly matched,_ Sanji continued.

_Almost?_

_I go easy on you._

_No you don't. If anything, _I_ go easy on _you_._

_Just keep telling yourself that._

_Asshole dartboard ero-cook._

_Shitty marimo swordsman._

Sanji finished exercising and straightened back up, then went to check on his shoes. After being assaulted by a hungry Luffy he put them back on. He was about to return to the galley and start lunch when a shout came from where Usopp was on look-out.

"Oiii! There's a marine ship headed this way!"

Sanji ran to the rail, smiling. _Good. I _really_ need to kick the shit out of something._

The rest of the crew gathered just in time to watch a cannonball sail in.

"Gomu Gomu no Fuusen!"

Luffy effectively blocked the cannonball and sent it flying back harmlessly into the ocean.

"It was such a nice day, too," Nami lamented, pulling out her Clima-tact.

The marine ship drew closer. From its deck a man with a megaphone called out, "Attention pirates! Surrender now, and we won't sink your ship!"

Luffy hopped up on the rail, arms folded. "No." And he stuck his tongue out obstinately.

The marine was just a little taken aback by this behavior, but he shrugged it off. "Very well, then. We attack!"

Luffy shrugged. "If you want to."

The Straw Hat crew tensed for battle while the marines started boarding their ship.

Both Sanji and Zoro tingled in excitement, thinking the same thing.

_Finally, some stress relief._

**End of Chapter 2**

* * *

A/N: Next chapter: marine fight! Oh dear, however will Sanji fight like this? Heehee.

_Only Robin remained up, volunteering for watch and still studying her book for more about the Soul Soul Fruit._

Seriously, does Robin _ever_ sleep?

_Obviously. Just look at how many times you've been laid…_

There is absolutely _nothing_ wrong with being a virgin! I'm saving my body and it's fine.

I think Sanji's still a virgin because, seriously, how can he get a woman as goofy as he is (sorry, Sanji)? I mean, the only time he ever has was when said women had an ulterior motive (Whiskey Peak and the Davy Back Fight), besides the party in Cocoyashi but that doesn't count. But who knows?

_Flapjacks and bacon and fried potatoes._

I always have him cook the same junk for breakfast because I don't like breakfast. If I do eat it, it's yogurt, or something. Therefore, I don't know much about breakfast foods. So, what's your favorite breakfast food, oh readers who actually bother to read this part? If I knew, then Sanji wouldn't be so humdrum in his cooking (haha!).

_Don't blame me for your poor knife handling._

Sanji does _not_ have poor knife handling; the fight against Wanze is so EPIC! If he fought with knives like that on a regular basis, I think Zoro would have a serious problem.

_Sanji's eye moved from his bandaged left thumb to his right, where now Zoro could see three small scars._

No, this has nothing to do with "A Chef's Hands." Those scars are canon! Gasp. According to the One Piece wikia, he got them peeling apples.

_Because I don't eat with the crew. I've _never_ eaten with the crew, except at parties and when it was necessary._

I've ranted about this before; it's my rant in story form!

_That's what she said._

*group of high school students appear from nowhere* OH! BURN!

_That his rival might actually have to train every now and then hadn't occurred to him, and he wanted to know how he went about it._

I'm not the first one with this idea; several writers have Sanji train while he bakes. It makes sense that he would have to. Luffy, Franky, Robin, and Chopper all use the power they have thanks to their devil fruits/abilities. Usopp and Nami use their brains. Only Zoro and Sanji have actual fighting arts they have to work at.

Okay, that's it for now (finally). Hope you enjoyed it! And didn't get too annoyed by my rambling (if you think _this_ is bad, you should meet me in person; haha!).

Staring at the clouds and thinking the weatherman lied to her, this is Dandy Wonderous, signing off.


	3. In Case of Emergency, Kick Ass

S-so many… so many reviews… *falls and begins twitching like Usopp on Skypeia*

Tom (Dandy's imaginary friend): *sees Dandy* *laughs* *dumps cold water on Dandy's face* *leaves*

Dandy: *jerking awake* TOM, YOU DOUCHE!!!

Side note: Thanks to Silver Child of the Sea for listening to my rambling and being cool!!!

**Reader Review Corner!**

Daschel: Oo, are you psychic? Thank you!

Dancing Nightmare: No kidding. I actually typed it earlier! "blah blah blah Zanji blah blah…" WTF!?! Aw, thank you! Hey, someone else who doesn't eat breakfast; right on for people missing the most important meal of the day!!! Yum, that sounds good… Yay, I'm not the only one (on the cover arc thing)!

Splatter Fall: Thanks! Our power went out the other day, too… (T_T) Thanks for coming back anyway! And yay for "that's what she said" jokes! Don't worry, mature is boring!

Mish1: Another person who agrees with me on the Sanji thing! Woot! And yes, I'm sure it would be annoying (I just replied to your review backward! Haha! (is easily amused)).

Sandy Toes: Thanks! Yay for happy dancing! And after I read your review, I went and had a pancake. Yum. No cinnamon apples or whip cream, though… T_T

Three-days-late: Thanks! Ah, I love the Wanze fight… Sanji being EPIC!!!

Grace121: That's a good place to be (bad joke *is smited*). Thanks!

Nia Sendo: Yay! Yet another person agrees with me! Thank you (especially for the hug! ^^) !

Emma Iveli: Actually, I just read one the other day (after I had started this) called "Switched!" written in '06, I think, by someone or other… Anyway, Sanji and Zoro switched bodies and had to fight for each other's honor and such. It was very good! Thank you!

Nitroglycerin: Aw, thank you! Oh, and maybe they _are _underestimating the bond between rivals… Fufufu! Whoa, did I just laugh like an old _Final Fantasy_ bad guy?

Silverchild of the winds: Yay, no one likes breakfast! And yes, that was my Sanji rant in story form… (I replied to you backward, too!)

Yukiim: Your review made me scared… and yet also PUMPED!!!

Dalia76: Yet another breakfast skipper… Thanks! And no, I haven't. Perhaps I should check it out.

CrazyChibiSama: I probably would be, too. Especially if it was this one girl… Anyway, thanks!

Iryann: Thanks!

ShaolinQueen: Thanks! And I liked writing that part… Poor Sanji's thumb! Hope you enjoy!

Eli t. rick: Thanks! Yay for toast!

Things24: Congratulations, sometimes non-breakfast skipper! Thank you!

Korimaru5: Thanks!

Okay, so, I have a laundry list of excuses for why this isn't up sooner, but I doubt you want to hear it. So, on with the fic!

**

* * *

**

Room for Two

By Dandy Wonderous

Chapter 3:

In Which Marines Attack

"Cotelette! Selle!"

Sanji flipped back to his feet, smoke trailing candidly from his lips. He couldn't remember needing to kick something's ass so badly before, or at least not when it involved a pretty girl.

_This is boring._

Well, there went his improved mood.

_Too bad._

_Can't I just-_

_Absolutely not! I've seen what you do to _your_ body, like hell I'm letting it happen to mine._

Silence for a moment; Zoro was thinking. Sanji could hear the rusty gears turning.

_Chicks dig scars, you know._

_Nice try._

_What? They do!_

_Unlike you, some of us like our blood where it belongs; you know, in our _bodies_!_

_I'm just sayin'. I know I've seen more than one girl eyeing the ones on my chest. Even your precious Nami-san._

Zoro internally smirked. The perverted cook was actually mulling that one over. Idiot.

_No._

Zoro internally sighed and waited while he was ignored in favor of the marines that were trying to shoot them… _him_. Damn, why did he keep thinking in plural?

_Besides, you wouldn't know the first thing about Red Leg. How do you plan to fight? _Sanji continued once the marines were sent flying into the middle distance.

_With swords._

_I heard that "duh" you added, shitty marimo! No telling what that would do to my hands…_

Ah, there was the problem. Zoro knew it was going to be hard to convince him with that particular threat hanging over them.

…_Okay, fine. I'll just… amuse myself._

_Yeah, you do that._

About that time the deck of the ship was cleared of enemies… and full of debris. Usopp, fearing for his precious ship that had now undergone two fights in twenty four hours, waved at them frantically.

"Why don't you guys go over _there_," he pointed at the marine ship, "and finish them off. Before they send reinforcements," he added quickly.

Luffy grinned, stretching out one rubbery hand to grab the side of the battleship. "Good idea, Usopp!" he cheered, before launching himself forward.

"Yes, well, the great Captain Usopp has always been know for being a bit of a tactical gen-Luffy, what are you-NO!!!"

As Luffy flew past he hooked his other arm around the sniper, flinging them both to the other ship and into the midst of the enemy. Or at least Luffy landed in the midst of the enemy; Usopp went flying and ended up entangled in the battleship's sails.

_Sucks for him,_ thought Zoro somewhat sympathetically.

"Jumping Point!"

Chopper, rumble ball currently in effect, cleared the gap easily and hurried to help Luffy.

"Shall we go, Cook-san?" asked Robin from her perch on the rail.

"Don't worry, Robin-chan, I'll protect you with my life!" Sanji took a few steps back and ran for the rail for the second time that day. This time, his jump brought him landing gracefully on the other ship before launching into a series of kicks. Robin followed on a rope made of her Hana Hana hands.

"Good job, everyone!" cheered Nami from the _Going Merry. _"Don't worry, I'll guard the ship!"

Zoro mentally rolled his eyes and endured some verbal (or rather, mental) abuse.

Soon, however, Sanji had completely forgotten about Zoro and was concentrating on the battle before him. There were hundreds of marines on board, and they all seemed to want a piece of him. Not like he was letting them have one. Kicks were delivered left and right, bodies falling in piles around him. He grinned, cigarette still dangling from his teeth, at a fresh wave, who approached cautiously but unsuccessfully.

Zoro was still bored, but Sanji wasn't paying attention to him. He tried to content himself with "watching"; he could see everything within Sanji's eye's line of sight. Soon he lost interest and let his "eyes" wander to the hazy, unfocused things in Sanji peripheral vision. There went Luffy, rubber limbs a blur. Usopp appeared for a moment, free from the rigging. A few hands snapped the necks of some unlucky marines. Chopper ran by in Heavy Point; his rumble ball must have worn off.

He watched the reindeer man with some interest as he threw punches at some pursuers. The swordsman couldn't help but feel strangely protective when he noticed one of the marine's blades come close enough to slice off some fur. If only he had his body, that marine wouldn't have gotten away with it.

He momentarily lost sight of Chopper as Sanji turned to face some enemies on their… ugh, _his_ other side. He watched a few more go down with the crushing blow of the cook's feet. He twirled in some roundhouse kick and was facing Chopper again…

Sanji was focused on the enemies in front of him, but Zoro was locked on Chopper's hazy form. He saw him dodge a blade, only to slip backward. The force of his fall coupled with his weight in Heavy Point sent him crashing through the railing and falling backward.

_Eyebrow! _Zoro "hissed" urgently.

_Little busy right now…_

_But Chopper-Ugh, I don't have time for this._

Zoro let his consciousness flood Sanji's body. It was an odd feeling, but suddenly he could feel every muscle and tendon and vein, unlike before when he could only vaguely feel what the chef felt. Sanji was fighting him for control, but Zoro was too focused on Chopper to pay attention.

He ran forward, stumbling a bit due to the unusual balance, and then managed to get to the rail.

Then, for the second time, Sanji's body fell into the ocean.

_Shitty swordsman, what are you-_

_Shut the hell up for a second!_

Sanji sensed the urgency this time and relented. Now he was the one watching, as though through a window, what his eye could see. They were sinking fast, Zoro searching frantically for something. Sanji read his thoughts.

Chopper. Chopper must have fallen in. Sanji wondered vaguely how Zoro had noticed when he hadn't.

Zoro was frantic but focused. Sanji had never heard him so panicked, though. But then, he had never been in his head. Or wanted to be.

Finally he saw it; the little reindeer, in his favored form now, sinking, unconscious, through the salty seawater. He swam with powerful, even strokes until he caught up to Chopper and wrapped his arm around him. Then he kicked for the surface.

They emerged, dripping, and Zoro gulped in air before turning to Chopper. He was unconscious but breathing; Zoro had gotten to him before he swallowed too much water. The doctor coughed some up and then lolled against the cook's shoulder.

Yet again, a ladder of arms appeared on the ship. Zoro, Chopper secured with one arm to his side, began his ascent, appreciating the cook's balance and natural sea legs, especially when the ship's cannon fire rocked it violently and he had to grip tightly with his lone hand. Finally he pushed Chopper into some waiting arms and pulled himself up on deck.

"Good job, Cook-san," Robin said, standing by the rail. "Another few seconds and Doctor-san would have been dead." She looked down at the soaking, panting man and smiled. "Oh, forgive me. You did well, Swordsman-san."

Zoro looked up at her through Sanji's dripping bangs. "How did you-"

Another blast of cannon fire and a scream from the _Merry_ interrupted the conversation. Sanji wrenched control back to himself and jumped up anxiously. "Nami-san!"

"Something will have to be done about those cannons," Robin observed. She bent down and picked up the soaking mess of fur that was Chopper. "I'll take Doctor-san back to the ship." Then she was gone in a instant, the faintest hint of flowers lingering after her. Sanji soaked in that smell while admiring her hip swing, unhampered by her burden that she so unselfishly took on-

_Ugh, you're making me sick._

_Shut up, asshole. Robin-chan said to take care of the cannons, so that's where we're headed. _A pause. He started fighting his way to the hatch to go below deck. _Um, good going. You know, saving Chopper…_

_Well, _someone_ had to. I mean, it's not like you were planning on it._

Sanji was quiet, thoughts guarded, while he kicked his way down to the cannons. _You're always looking out for them. You know, Luffy, Chopper, Usopp…_

_Yeah. So?_

…_No wonder you're first mate._

Zoro was going to ask what he meant by that, but was interrupted by their arrival at the cannons. Sanji knocked out the guards, then went for the cannons.

_You gonna be able to smash these?_

_I don't see why not._

Zoro waited skeptically. Sanji stretched for a second (_As though the last twenty minutes weren't warm up enough,_ Zoro commented)and then swung his foot at the iron machine.

And jarred his leg hard enough it rattled both of them.

"Oh, mother-SHIT!"

_Real smooth._

"Oh, I'd like to see you do better!" There he went with the yelling to himself again.

_Fine. Get me some of those swords._ He pictured the fallen marines.

"Whoa, hold on; I didn't actually _mean_-"

Zoro yanked control from Sanji again, reveling at how easy it suddenly was. Sanji cursed and fought but Zoro defended, albeit with some difficult; Sanji's soul was dominant, it seemed.

Now in control, the swordsman in cook's clothing walked over and picked up two katana he deemed good enough and walked back to the end of the line of cannons. He hefted them experimentally; Sanji's muscle memory tried to make him hold them like knives, but he forcefully readjusted the grip.

Sanji mentally scowled. _Why do we even have to do this? I knocked out the marines…_

"And what happens when more come down here and sink our ship?" Dartboard eyebrow was right; it _was_ hard to think a conversation when you had control of the vocal chords. Oh well; it was the cook's body that looked crazy, not his. Hmm, what else could he get away with?

_I can hear you._

Zoro shrugged and then refocused on the task at hand. He would need complete concentration…

Taking a deep breath he sank into meditation. He had to feel it; that powerful energy he had felt when he fought Mr. 1. The breath of all things. The breath of the floorboards. The breath of the glass in the portholes. The breath of-

_What the _hell_ are you talking about?_

_Shut up; I'm meditating here! _Well, there went his concentration.

_Meditation? What the hell? I thought you just swung those overgrown knives of yours around._

_Look, there's more to it than swinging swords around. I have to…_ He felt his-or rather, Sanji's-cheeks tinge slightly. _I have to… I dunno, feel the universe or something._

For a moment there was silence.

Then…

_You shit-cook, are you _laughing_ at me!?!_

_I… I'm… _He took a second to calm down. _I just got the funniest mental picture of you sitting cross-legged going, "Ohm, ohm." _To prove it, he broadcast the thought to Zoro's side of the brain.

Needless to say, Zoro did not appreciate the picture.

_Asshole. I'll show you what I can do._

_Okay then. Good luck finding the right frequency to tune into the universe._

Zoro started to grit his teeth, then stopped when he almost bit through the butt of Sanji's new cigarette (the old one having been lost to the sea). _I still don't get why you like these things._

_Hey, we all have our drugs. I have nicotine, you have universe juice._

Several mental images of what would happen to Sanji once Zoro was back in his body later, Zoro had settled down enough to meditate again. Focusing on the-

He fell to hacking and coughing up the smoke in his lungs after a particularly deep breath.

_Idiot. You gotta exhale the smoke._

Zoro swore between coughs, now thoroughly pissed off. He grabbed the cigarette once he had oxygen again and flung it out the opening for one of the cannons.

_Oi! I wasn't finished with that! And I only have so many left, you know!_

_Smoking's bad for you; consider this a favor._

_Shithead._

Zoro sighed and focused again. This time he managed to tune out the cook's moronic mumblings and really concentrate.

Finally, he raised the swords.

With a final breath, he made to slice through the cannons…

And jarred Sanji's arm on the iron, again with enough force to rattle them both.

In the moment of blinding pain control fell back to Sanji, who cursed prolifically, holding his arm. It felt as though the very bones were ringing.

Zoro fought through the throbbing to listen carefully. He could hear more marines coming their way. _We gotta… move fast, shit-cook._

"Like hell I'm letting you try that again!"

_Stop yelling! Look, do you really want to fail Robin?_

That made him pause. _…Fine. _

This time Zoro dropped the other sword and held only one. He focused for the last time, and Sanji let him, keeping the grumbling to a minimum.

Finally, Zoro opened Sanji's eye.

"Shishi Sonson!"

SHING SHING!

Sanji was, to put it mildly, shocked. Behind him, the cannons fell, more smashed then cut cleanly, but destroyed nonetheless.

The blade his now numb hands held shattered, little pieces raining down around his feet.

_Well, at least it wasn't one of mine._

_I can't believe you did it._

_Heh. No problem._ Zoro was actually pretty impressed with himself. He had managed to cut right through those cannons (in a sense), and he had done it with a body completely untrained for sword fighting.

Now_ will you let me fight a little?_

_No._

_What!?! Why the hell not?_

_Do you feel my hands!?! Of course you don't, 'cause I can't, either!_

Zoro needed something to convince him. Something like the Robin thing… Prompting from a pretty girl…

Well, there was _something_ Zoro could say, but he wasn't fond of the idea. He didn't want to get that personal with the cook…

But he really wanted to test this out. How well could he do in another's body?

_Look, ero-cook. I want to test my strength in a body completely unprepared for this._

_Why?_

A pause. _Because it may help me reach my goal._

Sanji couldn't begrudge him that, but still, it was his body they were talking about here, and he didn't want to look like a stitched up rag doll, like Zoro.

_That girl you saw in your dream…_

Sanji perked up. He hadn't expected that.

_I promised her I would be the best one day. Do you want me to go back on my promise to a girl?_

…_No fair, using my weaknesses against me._

Zoro smirked, throwing the bladeless handle down and going back to the fallen marines. He picked up the sword he had laid aside before, then another, and then routed around for a third. He swung it a bit before nodding in satisfaction and putting it between Sanji's teeth.

It fell almost immediately, nearly taking Sanji's toes off.

Sanji called Zoro a good many R-rated names.

Zoro retrieved it and tried again. This time, he managed to grip it enough to hold it steady.

_This is… more difficult than I expected. Of course, I had to be stuck in a pansy._

_I'm gonna kick your green ass from here to Sunday._

Zoro ignored him and ran out of the room, emerging back on deck. He was in luck; the fight was still raging.

"Sanji!" yelled Luffy as he ran past. "Zoro! Where've you been?"

Zoro grinned. "Oh, just wrecking havoc elsewhere."

Luffy laughed. "Good going, Zoro!" And then he was off again.

_First Robin, then Luffy, _thought Sanji. _How do they know it's you and not me?_

_The sword in your mouth _might_ be a big hint._ Zoro was still busy trying to adjust to this body's balance. It was more wiry, the limbs longer, and of course most of the muscle mass was in the legs. The katana in his mouth was heavier and hard to control, as Sanji's neck muscles were unused to the added weight.

_Oh, right._

Zoro ignored the other's embarrassment and went in search of a worthy opponent. He got his wish; a man wearing a captain's jacket appeared on deck conveniently at that moment.

"I am Captain Chism!" he declared, holding up his large broadsword. "What pirate scum dares attack my ship?"

_I like how he conveniently forgot that _they _attacked _us_,_ Sanji thought dryly.

_No kidding._ Zoro raised the swords, which took more of an effort than it should have. Sanji's arms were tiring out, and fast. He would have to make this quick.

The captain regarded him in confusion. "You wield three swords, like that pirate hunter Roronoa. But you aren't him."

_Damn straight._

_Shut up; I'm working._

_Oh, sorry, "dear."_

_It's fine, "darling."_

Zoro took the offensive fast, hopping up into the air. Well, that was _something_ Sanji's body was useful for. He crossed the two swords in his hands, and then came down with all three at the captain.

"Tora Gari!"

The man brought his huge sword up and blocked. Zoro was sent reeling backward, Sanji's substandard arms lacking the strength he should have had.

_Shitty marimo; my arms are _not_ "substandard."_

Zoro ignored him and regained his footing just in time to avoid a forceful downswing from Chism that left a large dent in the deck.

_Please don't let that hit my head._

_It would be a lot easier if you didn't have all these damn bangs flopping around; seriously, how do you see to do anything? _

_Don't even _think _about criticizing my hair, moss-head._

_I could really use my bandanna right now, to keep this sweaty shit out of my eyes; your forehead sweats too damn much under hair, you know._

_That's it; I'm letting your soul rot and leave my body._

Zoro didn't have time to answer that; he dodged some more thrusts from Chism and looked for an opening. Ah, there!

He blocked the captain's attack with the katana in his hands and whirled his body around. "To Ro Nagashi!"

The sword came close to slicing through his opponent's stomach (as it was supposed to), but Chism somehow managed to break away from the blocking swords and dodge.

At that moment, Zoro overbalanced on Sanji's thin legs and fell to the ground.

Before he could correct this problem, Chism swung in a large arc towards him, slashing across Sanji's chest.

In the searing pain that followed, Zoro lost control again and Sanji grabbed on. Cussing a storm and out for blood, Sanji dropped all three swords and swung straight up, launching a kick into Chism's smug face.

_No; let me have control again._

_Hell no. You had your shot, shitty swordsman, and now my blood's painting pretty patterns on the deck! Ugh, and this is my favorite suit jacket, too…_

_Listen, cook, I _cannot _lose to this guy._

Sanji was immediately ready to protest, but something about the way Zoro said it made him pause. Zoro wasn't just doing this for pride; he sensed that the swordsman had some deeper reason for wanting to win this fight.

"_That girl you saw in your dream… I promised her I would be the best one day."_

Zoro felt Sanji's consciousness release control of his body, and Zoro took over.

_Fine. Just… don't let him chop off any limbs._

_I won't. Trust me._

…_I'm doomed._

Zoro got to his feet and retrieved all three blades, then turned to face Chism again. He smiled that same confident, intimidating smile, which looked creepy but somewhat less menacing on Sanji's the katana was gripped between his teeth again.

"Back for more?"

Zoro didn't answer but easily parried the other man's attack. Sanji's arms were starting to feel like lead weights, but he ignored it and raised them anyway.

He hopped back a bit and then charged forward, two swords held out in front of him. "Ushi Bari!"

Sanji's strides were longer and faster than his own, so he had to make some adjustments mid-run. The hits still landed; this time he got past Chism's defenses and gave him some wounds of his own to worry about.

For a moment they spun around each other, blocking and then attacking alternately. Finally, just as Sanji was sure his arms were going to break right off his body, Zoro prepared a final attack.

"Oni Giri!"

The whirling, piercing blades effectively took down the marine captain, and the fight was over.

It was about time, too, as Sanji's arms gave out and the swords clattered to the ground.

Sanji was immediately in control of his body again. _Ugh, they're so numb! I can't feel them at all…_

_If you had more arm strength, this wouldn't happen._

Sanji contented himself with describing Zoro's mother's ugly mug in great detail.

"Sanji-kun!"

He fell off mid-insult to twirl, heart-eyed, to face the _Going Merry._ "Yes, Nami-swaaan!?!"

She waved. "Time to go. Get over here!"

"Consider me already there!" He had cleared the gap in seconds.

A moment later Luffy came catapulting back with an unhappy Usopp in tow. They all waved at the marine ship as they left it behind.

"See ya!" called Nami sweetly.

"Quick, you morons; shoot them!" screamed a lieutenant.

"The cannons have been destroyed!"

"And that kid destroyed our sails when he crashed into them!"

"Of course; that was part of my brilliant plan," said Usopp proudly.

"Wow, really, Usopp?" cried Chopper excitedly, awake and unharmed, if still soggy.

_Aw, you're glad he's okay. Isn't that cute?_

_Shut it, dartboard._

"Cook-san," said Robin suddenly, looking him up and down. "Shouldn't you have that wound attended to?"

"Huh?" Sanji looked down, and as though this were the magic switch the pain hit him like a tidal wave. He gasped, knees almost giving out.

"Oh no! Sanji's hurt! Doctor, someone get the doctor!"

"That's you," Usopp reminded him.

"Oh right… Come on, Sanji, let's take care of that." Chopper changed into Heavy Point to help the cook into the galley to stitch him up.

_Just walk it off._

_Shut up, shitty swordsman! It's _your_ fault this happened. You and your shitty promise. This is the second time you've gotten me cut today, you know._

…_Yeah, it is._

A sigh, out loud.

Then he remembered something. Stopping just outside the door, he turned, wincing slightly, and called out.

"Oi, Robin-chan!"

"Yes, Cook-san?"

"Earlier… how did you know it was Zoro and not me?"

She smiled slightly. "Simple, really. Your eyes changed color."

"What!?!" yelled pretty much everyone.

She laughed behind one dainty hand. "When Swordsman-san is in control, Cook-san's eyes turn green."

"Really?" said Nami in shock.

"Well, the eyes are the window to the soul."

_Another reason to get you out of here fast; I like my baby blues._

_I'm sure you do, baby._

_Shut up._

Internal argument starting up again, Sanji (and Zoro) followed Chopper into the galley.

**End of Chapter 3**

* * *

A/N: The end kind of died, because I didn't know where to end it.

"_Cotelette! Selle!"_

Sanji's fancy handstand spinny kick. Means "ribs" and "lower back."

_I'll just… amuse myself._

That sounds worse than I intended…

_The swordsman couldn't help but feel strangely protective when he noticed one of the marine's blades come close enough to slice off some fur. _

I love Zoro and Chopper interactions; it's so cute the way he worries about him! It's times like that I realize Zoro would probably make the best dad out of the Straw Hats.

…_No wonder you're first mate._

I know, it's not official, but everyone knows it to be true.

…_then swung his foot at the iron machine._

They were gonna be steel, but that's hard enough for Zoro to cut at this point with his _own_ body, let alone Sanji's. So they were iron instead. Also, Sanji probably could have destroyed them (or at least kicked them out of the ship), but for the sake of this story he couldn't. And also, I know they're all conveniently in a line and only on one side, but I never said the battleship was going to be accurate. Haha!

_The breath of all things. _

I make poor Zoro look stupid. Sorry!

_I just got the funniest mental picture of you sitting cross-legged going, "Ohm, ohm." _

You know it's funny.

_I have nicotine, you have universe juice._

I tried really hard to think of something that wouldn't be ripping off "Kung Fu Panda," but failed… Sorry, Dreamworks! Don't hate me! I want to work for you someday!

"_Shishi Sonson!"_

"Lion's Song." I did my Zoro research!

_How well could he do in another's body?_

I didn't mean for that to sound awkward, either… Cough cough…

"_Tora Gari!"_

"Tigar Hunt."

"_To Ro Nagashi!"_

"Bleeding the Wolf." (I'm getting these from the One Piece wikia. *shrug*)

"_Ushi Bari!"_

"Bull Horns."

"_Oni Giri!"_

Everyone should know this one: it's "Demon Slash"!

"_When Swordsman-san is in control, Cook-san's eyes turn green."_

By the way, the color of their souls is courtesy of Oda, who designated colors to represent each of the Straw Hats. Zoro is green (obviously), Sanji's blue, Luffy's red, Nami's orange (surprise, surprise), etc.

Well, that's all I've got for now! I'll try to be quicker on the updates from now on!

This is Dandy Wonderous, who probably won't be eating breakfast tomorrow, signing off.


	4. Splish Splash, I Was Takin' a Bath

I have good news and bad news!

The good news is: this chapter is up quickly! Yay!

The bad news is, I'm going on vacation starting the 23rd and ending the 30th! So, while there will be lots of fun for me, this story will be on hiatus until my return. I know, I'm sorry! On the plus side, it's like a 12 hour plane ride from here to Hawaii (I am SO frickin' excited!!!), so I'll have lots of time to write and plan and fuss… So hopefully the next chapter will be a real dozy (well, it was already going to be, anyway, but… well, you'll see)!

Anyway, this is the reflective chapter (and it takes place almost entirely in the bathroom; oooh). I tried to make it equal in focus, but I'm still worried it got a little too Sanji and not enough Zoro… I'm sorry, I can't think of enough things for his character! He's a kind of deep I don't understand! I understand the subtle nuances of Sanji so much better!

**Reader Review Corner!!**

Silver Child of the Sea: Woo! Yes! I have spread enthusiasm! And thank you! I like to think so… Don't know how much my friends would agree, though. Haha!

Yukiim: I've dealt with scarier. Haha! Me too; aren't they just adorable? As for the "dear" and "darling" thing, I just threw that in on a random whim; I had NO idea it would get such response! Thank you!

ShoalinQueen: Aw, thank you! Um, but the stitching scene didn't turn out to be much of anything (there honestly wasn't going to be one at all, but after your review I threw one in). Sorry… I want to add some deleted and alternate scenes in an extra chapter once I'm done with this (because there are other things I wanted to do that would have changed the story line, but that I still kind of like), so maybe I'll write a better one then.

Sandy Toes: Yay! I feel special. And yes, it does. My boyfriend freaked out on me when he learned I hadn't seen it, so I _had_ to watch it.

Splatter Fall: I'm glad you liked it! And yes, Zoro is very naughty… He should get a time out. Or a twenty percent raise in his interest.

Emma Iveli: Really? That's weird! Well, I had nothing to do with that story and haven't seen it ever before. Sorry if I've stolen something! It wasn't intentional!

Dancing Nightmare: Yesh! Dance PAR-TAY!!! (I blame _Final Fantasy VIII _for that one.) Anyway, thank you so much! And you are psychic! Quick, will Sanji get his own movie? Tell me, oh wise one!!!

Mish1: Thank you! I also think that, so you've got to wonder why I have so many (in this fic, in fact, chapters 1, 3, 5, 7, 8, and possibly 9 are all mostly fighting chapters). Glad you enjoyed.

Daschel: Yep. Time out for Zoro. Go stand in the corner. And I had that same thought! I actually meant to comment on that in the author notes, that a Santoryu!Sanji would be totally sexy, but forgot (I do the author's notes after I'm finished, so I forget things every now and then). Aw well, we always have the Wanze fight. Heehee!

Nitroglycerin: I never planned on duel-control, but that is an interesting idea. Maybe I'll put it in the extras. Thank you, and I'm glad you thought he did! I feel like I neglect the poor guy.

Silverchild of the winds: I know I should! Well, it should have; smoking is very bad for you! Even if Sanji does look so totally awesome… Ah, there I go, being a bad influence again! Don't smoke, kiddies. Sorry, it wasn't intended to. I know, aren't they cute? And as for that, well, lucky for Zoro she's dead… That came out wrong…

Three-days-late: Heehee. Thanks! As for that, I know (I've got a big picture of Sanji's face as my computer desktop right now), but most fic writers decided his eyes should be blue, so I went with them. I think he would be awesome with blue eyes, don't you? I think that Zoro's would be hazel, Luffy's would be green, and Usopp's would be brown.

Nami: Sanji impression: Hai, Nami-swaaan!!!

Eli t. rick: I wanna party with Shanks!!! Parties… Thank you! And yes, you shouldn't procrastinate! (pot, kettle, kettle, pot)

Blue Haven: Thank you so much! And he would, wouldn't he? Yay for a Zoro fan!

Sanshaino: Thank you! Aw, but tacky jokes are fun! Another "dear" "darling" fan! I threw another one in this chapter towards the end… And I do that for fun! I don't know why others don't, but it's more fun when they do. I like to know author's thoughts behind what they write.

Nia Sendo: Yay, more hugs! Anyway, I'm glad you liked it so much! And yes, my fingers are ALL crossed.

Fenris5000: Thank you!

And now, on with the chapter!

**

* * *

**

Room for Two

By Dandy Wonderous

Chapter 4:

In Which Zoro and Sanji Come to a Reluctant Understanding

_I hate you._

_What else is new?_

Sanji was sitting on the bench in front of the table in the galley, leaning back against it. He watched the smoke curl up from his cigarette with unfocused eyes. Chopper leaned over him, carefully stitching the wound.

The doctor had given him some painkillers to take the edge off, but there was still a dull ache, and worse, the tug of the surgical thread. Not to mention that his entire body was sore, especially his arms, which felt like he had been churning butter for a good four hours.

_I _knew_ I never should have let you fight._

_Then why did you?_

_Because you used a girl against me, that's why!_

_Hey, it's not _my_ fault you're a perv._

Sanji had planned to make Zoro take control for this part while he himself hung out in the back of his mind. But as before, pain pulled him back. If Zoro so much as twitched a wrist, the protest of his sore muscles would make him slip back again. Eventually, Sanji gave up, pulled out a smoke (against Chopper's protests), and settled in for the long haul.

Several minutes later, Chopper sat back with a satisfied nod. "Well, it's all stitched up."

"Will it scar?"

"Not too bad, but you will have a line there."

"Great." Sanji's head flopped back on the table. "I'm gonna look just like marimo." _I hate you._

_You said that already._

_I thought it needed restating. _

Chopper exited the galley and Sanji drug himself wearily to his feet to make lunch. After staring unenthusiastically at the refrigerator for three minutes he decided to set out bread and sandwich fillings and, just this once, let the crew serve themselves. Soon a sandwich buffet was on display on the table.

Once that was done, Sanji picked up two slices of bread and surveyed the table. _Okay, shithead, what kind of sandwich do you want?_

_Why are you asking me? _You're _eating it._

_I believe we've already established that I feed people for my own pride. Now pick a damn lunch meat!_

…_Okay, fine. We have any sea king meat left?_

Sanji dutifully produced some he had tucked away.

_And mustard and relish._

Sanji winced a little at that, not being particularly found of mustard and relish together. But he had asked for this, so he couldn't back down now, oh no.

After a minute Zoro, in Sanji's body, sat munching the sandwich at the table.

_Your arms really do feel like shit,_ he commented.

_Really? I hadn't noticed._

They were silent until Zoro finished his sandwich, and then Sanji pulled control back. Zoro, tired and in need of a nap, didn't bother fighting back.

The cook walked to the door and announced that lunch was served. Then, after seeing that everyone had gotten something before Luffy, he went out to the front of the deck, near one of Zoro's favorite napping spots.

_Oi, cook, what're you doing?_

_Seeing what it's like to be you._

He laid down in the sun. Both of them were asleep before his head hit the planks.

* * *

Sticky.

That was Sanji's first thought upon waking a few hours later.

He was sticky.

And hot. And he didn't smell the best in the world, either.

Okay, he was laying in the sun, so that part made sense. But why was he so _sticky_?

He looked down at his blood and sweat soaked shirt. Oh, right. _That's_ why.

"Marimo… Oi, marimo…" he muttered aloud sleepily, with an accompanying yawn.

_Ugh… what?_

_Wake up; I wanna take a shower._

Zoro wasn't particularly thrilled by this idea. _Can't I just sleep through that?_

_In case you've forgotten, I'd fall asleep, too._ He waved his bandaged thumb in proof.

…_Damn._

Sanji stood up and stretched, a move protested by his arms. And torso. And neck. And… well, everything except his legs. _Ugh… Now I know why you sleep so much. This sword fighting stuff is hell._

_It's a lot better if you're trained for it. Of course, you pretty much feel like this after the training._

_Right. Swordsman, off my list of potential careers._

The two fell, miraculously, into an amicable silence as Sanji went down to the men's cabin to find some clean clothes. It lasted while Sanji made sure there was enough water pumped for his shower and for the trip to the bathroom.

It was when Sanji was staring somewhat awkwardly at the tub that it ended.

_I suppose I should take off my clothes now…_

_Most people do that… You know, to take a shower…_

Sanji cleared his throat. Neither of them were particularly interested what this fact meant.

Zoro did his best to give the cook some privacy by receding into the depths of his subconscious as far as he could. After a moment he fell into a sort of trance, not seeing anything Sanji was. Well, it was _there_, but it was like Zoro was staring into space while Sanji (and his body) stayed focused.

Well, that was useful.

His idle trance turned, as they so often do, into a daydream.

"_Pathetic. Kind of weak for a boy, aren't you?"_

"_I'm going to sail the seas and become the greatest sword master in the world! I can't keep losing to that girl!"_

"_I challenge you to a duel… with real swords!"_

"_Dad says that girls can't be master swordsmen."_

"_That's not fair! Beating you is my dream!"_

"_Let's make a promise to each other! Someday, one of us will become the greatest swordsman ever! We'll fight each other for the title!"_

"_It's a promise!"_

The sound of the water being turned off brought him back to reality. He "blinked," and the _Going Merry's_ bathroom came into sharp focus. Sanji was pulling on his slacks at the moment; a second later, a clean red shirt was being buttoned.

The cook was oddly quiet and contemplative. Zoro shrugged it off and ignored him, wondering if there was any chance for a second nap.

…_That was her, wasn't it?_

_Eh?_

_The girl you were just thinking about… She's the one I dreamed about last night. She's the girl you made the promise to._

…_What about it?_

Sanji was silent for a long moment. Then he snorted in dry laughter.

_I really did hate you, you know. When we first met. I hated your mossy, shitty guts._

That took Zoro slightly by surprise. _When we first met? _

_Well, not really when we _first_ met, but three days later._

Zoro's memory of the _Baratie_ was hazy. There had been only one important thing to happen to him there; granted, it was one of the most important events of his life, but everything around it was unimportant, so he had no idea what the cook was referring to.

Unless…

_Wait, you mean… My fight with Mihawk?_

Sanji smirked into the bathroom's small mirror, which was slowly defogging. _Ding, ding, ding, we have a winner._

…_Okay, I don't get it. Why do you hate me because of that?_

Sanji deliberated before answering. _That day, I was ready and willing to give my life in defense of the Baratie. And you were ready and willing to die for your own dream._

_We were both willing to die? That's it?_

_No, not that part. The key phrase being, "your own dream."_

Zoro immediately understood. _You were dieing for someone _else's_ dream._

_Right._ He was quiet a moment, leaning against the sink and staring into the mirror with a blank expression. _For so much of my life, I hadn't been able to fight for _my _dream. In fact, I didn't believe I ever could. It would be so selfish, to chase All Blue when I had left that shitty geezer like that…_

_And then _you_ come along, and just like that you're about to die for something as dumb as _your own dream._ That's why I yelled at you to give up. Because I thought you were an idiot. Because I thought you were brave. Because I was jealous. Because I hated you._

Zoro didn't know what to say to that one, so he didn't say anything.

_And then I joined this crew. And suddenly, I had the freedom to chase my own dream, to die for my own dream. Except… I still can't. Or at least, not until Luffy accomplishes _his_ dream. _He smirked. _I didn't realize, when I finally agreed, that I would be ultimately fighting for my captain's dream and not mine. _

_So in the end it's exactly the same?_ Zoro ventured.

_No; in the end it's completely different. _He smirked. _It's hard to explain… but I think you know what I mean. Because you've never been fighting for your own dream at all, either. Or at least, it's not your dream alone._

Zoro realized he did understand the cook's crazy ramblings. He _was_ fighting for two dreams that weren't his; Luffy's and Kuina's. But he could give his life in any way he chose, whether Luffy became Pirate King or not, a luxury he didn't have when it came to Kuina.

_The difference between you and I,_ the swordsman finally said, _is that I never feel trapped by my promise to Kuina. It's my reason for living, but even if I hadn't promised her anything, I would still be on this path. I just probably wouldn't work as hard. _

_But you… you felt trapped, and while you cared about the old man and owed him a lot, you resented being chained to him by that debt. Am I right?_

Sanji sighed. _Do you realize we're _relating _to each other now?_

…_You're right. Weird._

…_She's dead, isn't she?_

…_She is._

_Did you… Aw, nevermind, it's none of my business._

_What?_

_Nothing._

_Damn it, dartboard, spit it out!_

_I was just wondering if you loved her._

…_Oh. _Zoro wasn't sure how to answer that one. _Well, I was too young to love her like _that_, I think… Oi, why am I telling you this?_

_Because I told you why I hated you and how I felt trapped with Zeff._

_But I didn't ask._

_Yes you did. _"Why do you hate me because of that?" he mimicked out loud with an outrageous imitation of Zoro's voice.

_But YOU brought it up!_

…_Touché. _Sanji mulled that over a moment, then suddenly grinned mischievously. _She's why you run from that pretty marine, isn't she?_

_What!?!_

_You _did _love her like that, and that's why you can't bare to fight that marine girl… Oh, stop trying to hide, I can see her face in your thoughts right now! _

_Shitty dartboard ero asshole cook!_

_Ah, it's just like a romance novel! Perhaps such a story would delight and entrance Nami-san, and she might be inspired to… Mellorine!_

…_You are such a freak._

They were silent a moment, Sanji still in a small "mellorine" fit, when Zoro "spoke" again.

_So maybe I did… What does it matter?_

_Mmm… It means you're not the demon everyone claims you to be. And proves me wrong about you not caring about women._

_I'm not sure how much I like that second one, _except _that it proves you wrong._

_Huh… And about the demon thing?_

_What about it?_

_Does it ever bother you?_

…_Does _what _ever bother me?_

_Being called a demon? Or a monster?_

_No. Why would it bother me?_

_I think it would bother _me…

_I don't care what other people call me, so long as they're saying my name._

_That's an interesting way to look at it._

A mental shrug. _I'm going to be the greatest swordsman in the world either way._

_Tch. _Another quiet moment. _Well, I'm glad you're not making your name by beating up poor female marines…_

_I don't avoid her because she's a girl!_

_Whatever the reason, as long as you're not harming her-_

_Hey, cook, did it ever occur to you that women may _want _men to forget chivalry and fight as equals?_

Some sort of shock from Sanji's side. Apparently, he hadn't.

_That was one of the things I hate about you. Besides that you're generally annoying, of course. Look, the girl, the one I made the promise to… The only time I ever saw her truly upset was when she talked about never becoming the greatest swordsman in the world just because she was a girl._

_Nonsense! I'm sure she was good enough to do whatever-_

_Of course she was. But she wouldn't get to prove that if every man she came up against threw the fight for chivalry._

Sanji thought about that. He couldn't hurt a woman. He couldn't go against a woman's wishes. If the woman's wish was to be fought as an equal, that would mean hurting her, but he couldn't hurt her, but he couldn't deny her…

_Ugh… My brain hurts._

…_Oh great, I broke him again._

Sanji rolled his eyes at the joke.

_It angered me when I learned that you wouldn't fight women. It was like you were indirectly proving all those ideas she had about herself, about being weak just because she was a girl. At first I just fought with you because you provoked it._

He didn't want to, but some unruly part of his brain added that it was fun to have a sparring partner. Luckily, Sanji's brain unintentionally returned the sentiment.

_But when you started saying shit like that, I got pissed. And then I _really _didn't like you. _Another mental shrug. _But it's who you are, and while it _is_ dumb and _is_ going to get you in trouble one day, I couldn't change that._

_And if I _did _change, you'd have no one to pick on._

_That, too._

…_I hate to admit it, but I don't hate you._

_Same here._

_But I _do _dislike you. A lot._

_Asshole._

_Shithead._

_Dartboard._

_Marimo._

_Ero-cook._

_Idiot swordsman. …This would be more fun if your ass was actually here to kick._

They both laughed at that.

_And now,_ thought Sanji, _we're getting along. Will the insanity never end?_

_How about we keep it to ourselves?_

_Agreed. _He picked up the towel and started to dry his hair. For a second he was absorbed with this, eyes closed and head completely enclosed in fabric. Then he started to pull it off.

Zoro felt a rush of curiosity that he swiftly stifled.

The towel came off, Sanji's bangs already in place, albeit messy and tangled, over the left half of his face.

This time it was a rush of disappointment that received a brutal death at the hands of Zoro's sense.

Too late; Sanji noticed.

_What's wrong, Zoro? Curious about my face?_

_No. It's just as ugly as usual._

_I know you were curious._

_It's none of my business what your shitty face looks like._

_I know you want to see-ee! _he taunted in sing-song.

_No way._

_How about this: admit you're curious, and I'll show you._

_I don't frickin' care!_

_Okay, then. _Sanji shrugged and combed it out, careful to reveal nothing.

He was examining his poor, seawater drenched, blood soaked suit jacket forlornly when Zoro thought, begrudgingly, _Okay, I'm curious._

_Aha! I knew it!_ Sanji took a moment to laugh at Zoro's expense.

_Yeah, yeah, just show me!_

_Okay, okay. _Still chuckling, he turned to face the mirror and lifted his bangs.

The left half of his face was… exactly like the right side.

With one notable difference.

_That eyebrow spirals _down_!?!_

Sure enough, Sanji's left eyebrow was a trademark spiral… though it angled down toward his eye instead of up into his forehead.

_Yep. Looks ridiculous, doesn't it? That's why I don't show it off._

_Well, it does make you look even more idiotic than usual._

_Gee, thanks, honey, you always know the right thing to say._

Zoro laughed a second at the lopsided appearance of Sanji's eyebrows. _Why do they do that?_

_I have no idea._

_So you didn't do it yourself?_

_Hell no! I was just born like this._

_With them all swirly?_

_Yeah. And… connected… in the middle._

_You had a _unibrow_!?!_ Now that invited some entertaining mental pictures.

_When I was still a little kid, yeah. …Oh, come on, it's not _that_ funny!_

_Hey, you got to make fun of my meditating, I get to make fun of your unibrow!_

_Your meditating thing is by your own choice; it's not _my _fault I look like this!_

_You're right… I'm sorry._

_No you're not._

_You're right again. Hahahahahaha!_

Sanji's right eyebrow twitched in irritation and he let his bangs fall back down. He should have known better than to tell him that.

…_I would appreciate it if you didn't tell anyone else about this._

_Why should I keep it to myself?_

_Because we were sharing all this junk, so I thought I might as well show you that. But… I don't want the others to know. I look ridiculous!_

_You _do _look goofy._

_And I would rather them not see me like that._

_Okay, okay. Your secret's safe with me, _Zoro thought, feigning disappointment. He hadn't been planning on telling anyone, anyway. They had entered an unspoken agreement back when the conversation started that nothing said would leave the bathroom, and he wasn't going to back out on that.

_It better be._

_Yeah, yeah, or you let my soul rot. Got it._

They fell quiet again for a moment. And then Zoro started the serious stuff up again.

_What did you mean, no wonder I'm first mate?_

_Oh, that. I was just thinking… I take care of the ladies. And you take care of _everybody._ I just… respect you for that, I guess._

_Oh, shut up. I know you take care of them just as much as I do._

You _went after Chopper-_

_Yes, but just because you worry about the girls more in a crisis doesn't mean you don't care about _everyone_. Whether you believe it or not, I _do _understand why you eat last._

…_But you'd sacrifice yourself for any of them._

_And what do you spend half your time doing?_

A dry laugh. _It's annoying that you're not such a bad guy, shithead._

_Same to you, asshole._

_I'd like to go back to hating you after this._

_I _will _go back to hating you after this._

Sanji laughed and pulled his jacket on. _Looking forward to it._

"Sanji-kun?"

Sanji jumped in surprise. "Yes, Nami-san?"

"You've been in there a long time…"

"Were you worried about me, Nami-swan? Ah, mellorine!"

"Just stop hogging the bathroom, idiot!"

"Of course, Nami-san!" He was out in an instant, Zoro making whipping noises in his head.

"Thank you, Sanji-kun," said Nami before walking past him to get a shower.

Zoro took over his body as the door closed behind her to flip her the bird.

_Forget hating you _after _this; I hate you _now_._

Zoro just laughed, and Sanji went to make supper.

**End of Chapter 4**

* * *

A/N: Woot, Sanji's whole face!

"_I'm gonna look just like marimo." _

_I _thought it was sexy…

_Swordsman, off my list of potential careers._

Along with "interior decorator" and "rodeo clown."

"_Pathetic. Kind of weak for a boy, aren't you?"…"It's a promise!"_

All of this is quoted directly from the official English translation of _One Piece_ volume 1 by VIZ Media. I don't own it.

…_a second later, a clean red shirt was being buttoned._

Dedicated to three-days-late and the infamous red shirt I oh so want to see.

_That day, I was ready and willing to give my life in defense of the Baratie. And you were ready and willing to die for your own dream._

This is my honest theory for why Sanji "hates" Zoro.

_Shitty dartboard ero asshole cook!_

That was creative…

_Ah, it's just like a romance novel!_

Sanji's definitely one of those guys that reads all the Nicholas Sparks books. And that "reads" Playboy too, I'm sure.

_It was like you were indirectly proving all those ideas she had about herself, about being weak just because she was a girl._

Pretty much everything else in this chapter is from theories I already had about them, and while I did have the idea for Sanji insulting girls by not fighting this as equals, this particular idea was relatively new for when I got to this part while writing, that Sanji would be proving Kuina right and Zoro wouldn't like it.

_That eyebrow spirals _down_!?!_

I hope that makes sense to everyone. It's just like his other eyebrow, but instead of spiraling up it spirals down.

Originally, I was going to do the cliché and just have him have some big hideous scar there, but it's so overused! So then I was like, what if he just did it to create a sense of mystery about himself in yet another attempt to get chicks? But it wasn't enough… so then I thought, what if he just looks plain ridiculous? That'll work, yeah. The unibrow thing was a whim.

_Gee, thanks, honey, you always know the right thing to say._

See? There you go.

…_But you'd sacrifice yourself for any of them._

_And what do you spend half your time doing?_

Cough, Thriller Bark, cough…

As for Sanji, he _does _get hurt a lot helping other people. First the _Baratie_, then the thing on Drum Island (I always wince thinking about it), and of course on Skypeia. Oh, and he _tries_ to take Zoro's place on Thriller Bark, at least. I have my own theories about that, which coincide with most other Sanji fan's theories.

_Zoro took over his body as the door closed behind her to flip her the bird._

Just imagine, Sanji's body flipping Nami off. Lawls!

Alright, that's all I have for now! See you guys when I'm back from Hawaii!

Aloha from Dandy Wonderous, she's signing off!


	5. Puppet on a String

I meant to have this up sooner but… well, I've not been having a good last few days. Sorry.

Oh, but I had an excellent time in Hawaii! And you'll all be glad to know I ate breakfast almost everyday (except for two days when I had Poptarts; long story)! And I injured myself surfing (that's an exaggeration, both the words "injured" and "surfing," btw). And I got to see the crater of Haleakala and the rainforest on the drive to Hana. Oh, and I got to see Pearl Harbor, too. It was tons of fun! Especially my hot surf instructor and the cute male hula dancers! ^^

**Reader Review Corner!!**

Blue Haven: Thanks! He just might. Heehee! I did, thank you!

Eli t. rick: Really? Lawls! Great minds think alike, I suppose!

Sandy Toes: Thanks! And it is VERY nice. Just beautiful, and the weather is lovely! Especially if you're used to hot muggy summers like I am, the eighty degree weather and nice breezes are heavenly!

Emma Iveli: Ah, I see. That sad? Depressing!

Dancing Nightmare: I did, thanks. Thanks again! And yes, the fun that Zoro could have in Sanji's body! Oh, that came out so wrong…

Alder-Elma: Thanks! Yes, I like that theory, too.

Dalia76: Another "dear," "darling," fan!!! Oh, knowing Sanji, he definitely would. I bet he really just does it to create an air of mystery for women. Heehee. Thanks!

Silver Child of the Sea: He was very dirty. Man, why do I keep saying provocative things today? Thanks! I dunno, lucky I guess. Thanks, though Eli up there beat me to it on that. Haha!

Asagiri: Aw, thank you so much for that review!!! And I LOVE your little smilies; so cute!

CrazyChibiSama: Shared embarrassment is good for bonding. Oh who am I kidding, it's just the kind of stuff we fanfiction people live for! So that's weird too, I guess.

ChronosNumberVII: Yeah, but that's the boring theory. Heehee. And forgive me for asking, but who?

Nami: Thanks! *Zoro impression* Be more patient, witch woman! *beats self with Sanji impression*

Three-days-late: Must find! *zombie like stare/drool* Oh, and Sanji's totally sexy enough to rock the unibrow!

Nia Sendo: Thanks! That's cool. Yay for theory sharing! And I did try surfing! And I caught a few, and then fell on my face. But my instructor was hot and Brazilian, so it's all good. ^^

Silverchild of the winds: Yeah, but then Zoro's not the most observant, so maybe he was just like, "Stupid bangs." But in the "Switched!" one I read Zoro realizes he can't see and finds out Sanji's blind in his left eye. Not a yaoi fan, but yay for shared ideas about writing styles! Well, that was mostly due to my own laziness and being like, "You two, relate, now!!!" (in case no one realizes this, all authors are their characters' pimps, haha) I'm in that school, too. And yeah, that certainly makes sense. Or maybe they're both just on a weird power trip. I'm sure it does. Yes, this is my favorite theory as well, though the fear thing could be just as true. And as for Zoro's sense of direction, that HAS to be true, haha! Oh, I love that saying! It's perfect for them.

IzumiTheMoogle: Aw, thanks so much! And I did, thanks!

Okay, fic time!!!

**

* * *

**

Room for Two

By Dandy Wonderous

Chapter 5:

In Which There is Bloodshed and Sacrifice

Two days after the marine attack, things were more or less normal on board the _Going Merry_. They were still in pursuit of the bounty hunters' ship that held their nakama and were making steady progress.

As for Zoro and Sanji, they still argued like always, but Sanji had not had another fit like that first day, though he did once chunk a spoon in frustration. Zoro had at least cooperated and stayed awake for Sanji to cook, while Sanji had taken up napping more in between meals and had cut back on serving the girls. Luffy continued to act as though they weren't missing anyone, while the rest of the crew did their best not to forget about Zoro when they greeted or talked to Sanji.

According to Nami, they would reach the next island in two or three days, depending on if the wind held, though as it was the Grand Line she didn't make any promises. Still, the men were glad that they would only have to hold out for a little longer, ready to have their thoughts to themselves again.

_It'll be nice_, Zoro commented as Sanji twirled extravagant drinks out to the women, _when I don't have to deal with this crap again._

_Yeah, well, I've had enough of you to last a lifetime, too, _Sanji growled back. He left the drinks and returned to the galley. _So we can avoid each other as much as you want._

Zoro wasn't sure why (and would certainly never admit it), but the comment might possibly have upset him somewhere deep down in his (or rather, Sanji's) spleen. _Like hell. Once I'm back in my body, I'll make sure I'm making you pay for this every damn day._

Sanji might have (and would never admit it, either), somewhere deep down near his appendix, been relieved by this comeback. _I'd like to see you try._

The two couldn't help getting the weird and outrageous feeling that they were becoming… _friends_.

Well, not so much normal friends, but their rivalry was turning into something else. It was still a rivalry, but it wasn't like one between enemies, as they had previously considered it, but like between (eep!) brothers.

And while the foremost, tough guy part of their brains wanted to go back to hating each other as soon as this was over, the honest parts they kept carefully buried and guarded wanted it to stay, suspected it had been this way all along and they were just now realizing it.

It made them feel awkward, and both were ready to deal with this while truly alone.

But first they would have to catch up with the bounty hunters, hopefully _before_ they delivered Zoro's body to the marines.

So when Usopp screamed enthusiastically, "Ship!" Sanji was the first at the railing, both he and Zoro straining to see it.

Luffy was next to them in an instant, followed by Nami and Chopper. Usopp delivered commentary from the crow's nest.

"It's a pretty big one, too… I don't see any flags, except for these little carnival ones-Oi, hey, stop that!"

None of the crew had seen anyone climb the rigging to the crow's nest as fast as Sanji had. He had wrenched the binoculars from Usopp's hands and was now searching for the ship.

_There's no way we're this lucky,_ Sanji thought.

_Yeah, you do have the shittiest luck I've ever seen._

_Shut it. Holy shit, it _is_ their ship!!!_

Sanji thrust the binoculars back to Usopp and jumped out of the crow's nest, landing gracefully on the deck below. "It's their ship!" he announced. "The bounty hunters'!"

"We caught up to it?" asked Luffy excitedly, leaning as far over the rail as he could without falling overboard.

"It's theirs, we're sure of it!" Sanji crowed.

"Yosh! Full speed to that ship!" Luffy commanded, standing up and pointing for emphasis.

"Aye!"

* * *

"Ship approaching! I repeat, ship approaching full speed!" the auburn-haired woman from the play announced loudly from the crow's nest.

Touchstone appeared on deck. "Marine or merchant, aha?" he inquired.

She looked down at him, frowning. She could see his mouth moving but couldn't hear him. "Boss?"

Thalia was at his side in an instant. "HE ASKED WHAT KIND OF SHIP IT IS, MORON!!!"

The girl grinned sheepishly. "Oh right…" She turned away and looked through her binoculars at the ship. Her face paled. "Pirate ship! Oh no, it's…" She paused dramatically for suspense. "_The Straw Hats_," she concluded in a loud stage whisper.

She then executed an impressive and extravagant swoon and was caught with an equally impressive and extravagant move by one of the men.

Thalia sighed. _Actors_.

Touchstone ignored the performance. "They're after their nakama, aha. All hands prepare for battle, aha."

No one noticed their dull captain speaking, so Thalia repeated his order. "ALL HANDS PREPARE FOR BATTLE, MORONS!!!"

The actors and stagehands alike began scrambling around for weapons, trimming sails, and readying cannons. Touchstone smiled. "Your way with the crew never ceases to astound me, Thalia, aha."

She giggled. "Thank you, Boss."

"Now, you run along and prepare for battle, aha."

She disappeared in search of her bazooka and he was left alone in the stream of busy bounty hunters. He turned toward the door leading below deck and waved a hand.

"Come now, my new player, aha. It's time for your premier, aha."

The door slowly opened.

* * *

"Looks like they've spotted us," Robin said, watching the flurry of activity onboard the other ship.

"The result will be the same," said Sanji around his cigarette. "I'm getting this marimo out of my head whether they want me to or not."

"Are you going to destroy their sails like you did last time, Usopp?" asked Chopper excitedly.

"No, the great Captain Usopp has a better plan for this time around."

"Really?"

"Yes, I will bravely guard the ship against the hoards of enemies that will attempt to overtake it while the rest of you search for Zoro's body!"

"You're so brave, Usopp!"

"You're coming, too," Nami spat irritably.

They ran alongside the actors/bounty hunters ship and Luffy jumped the gap with a cry of, "Yosh! Let's go!"

Sanji was right behind him. _Let's do this._

He wasn't sure where the other Straw hats ended up at that point, being too absorbed in the enemies surrounding him. Whatever they did, his main priority now was finding Zoro's body.

_If I were a crazy acting manager, where would I keep my captured marimos?_

_Try below deck, idiot._

_I'm going there now, shithead!_

He was on the very forward deck, taking out the male bounty hunters who came at him with swords and poles and axes, trying not to get shot or hit any girls. As female actors were flying as fast as bullets, this proved to be rather difficult.

_Just let me do it!_

_Like hell, mari-damn._

Zoro had ripped control from Sanji and was launching himself headfirst through the enemies, not caring that he was now getting trivial cuts and bruises.

_Oi, watch it! I don't care if _you_ aspire to look like Swiss cheese, but kindly leave me out of it!_

_Oh, shut up. I want to get there sometime before the end of the Pirate Age. _He shoved a woman in his way to the deck.

_Why you bastard, I'll-_

_Relax; I didn't kick her, did I?_

Sanji grumbled and regained control as they-_he_, damn it, now he was thinking in plural, too!-ran down the stairs to the ship's large middle deck. He was still trying to find something small enough to compare Zoro's brain to (he had bypassed dust mite and was well on his way to subatomic level) when he skipped the last three steps and landed gracefully to face the next wave of enemies and found only one awaiting him.

He froze, mouth agape, unable to think clearly, even to insult the other.

_Oi, cook, what… Oh. Well, _that's_ unexpected._

Before them, swords drawn and bandanna in place, stood Zoro.

* * *

"Gomu Gomu no Muchi!"

Luffy's stretched leg easily swept the actors on the back deck overboard, and he straightened up with a frown.

"Man, these guys were more fun when they still had popcorn," he complained.

"Great job, Luffy!" Usopp cheered, coming up to him quickly. "Our group effort took care of them easily!"

Nami rolled her eyes and looked around. "Sanji-kun-oh, and Zoro-aren't here."

"I believe Cook-san jumped onto the forward deck and is on his way below now," Robin supplied.

"Yeah, I guess that would make-ROBIN, WATCH OUT!!!"

The older woman spun just in time to see the boy from before with poofy blonde hair who had popped the popcorn. He slammed his fist into her stomach, knocking her back. She tumbled to the ground and lay there, panting.

"S-seastone," she stammered.

"Why you-" began Luffy, turning angrily toward the boy. "Gomu Gomu no Pistol!"

The punch was too fast for the boy to dodge, and he was sent slamming back into the rail.

Chopper hurried to Robin's side. "Robin, are you okay?"

She smiled, getting somewhat steadily to her feet. "I'm fine, Doctor-san."

"What a jerk," said Nami angrily. She marched over to the dazed boy and gave him a good thwack with her Clima-tact, knocking him out.

"You should be more cautious," said a voice behind her.

They all whirled around to see the creepily smiling boy standing there, pointing at them. "Soul Extraction!"

Nami, Chopper, and Usopp all fell to their knees, orange, pink, and yellow light (respectively) rising from their bodies. The pink flew into Robin, where it mixed with a purple aura, sending her to her knees. The yellow mixed with Luffy's red aura to form an orange before sinking into the rubber boy and making him fall to the deck. The orange flew to the unconscious popcorn boy and mixed with a sickly green.

Damian laughed and started to move forward to pick up their unconscious bodies. He stood over Luffy and kicked him in the shoulder.

"A hundred million man, huh? You weren't so tough."

WHAM! A fist flew up and hit him in the face.

_Oh, so _that's_ what it's like to be Luffy._

_Usopp!?! What are you doing in my head?_

_Oh, that guy's Devil Fruit ability. Hey, can I try a Gomu Gomu no Bazooka?_

_Haha, sure!_

Usopp (in Luffy's body, miraculously still conscious) smirked at Damian. "Right, here comes my super attack: Captain Usopp's Sure Fire Rubber Slam!" He slammed Luffy's fists into the creepy boy and sent him flying into the sail.

_Hey, no fair changing my attack names! You're going back to your body._

_Aw, but I wanted to bungee someone like you do to us all the time first._

_Sorry. _Luffy grabbed Usopp's wrist, and the colors quickly separated and flew back to their correct bodies.

"Well, it was fun while it lasted," Usopp lamented. Then he looked over to Robin and tilted his head. "Uh, Robin, you okay?"

Robin was hiding behind a pole, Chopper style. "Everything's so weird!" she complained in very non-Robin fashion.

_Just let me touch your hand, Doctor-san._

_Oh, right… Heh heh…_

Soon Chopper was back in the correct body. Now all that was left was Nami.

Usopp and Luffy unceremoniously dropped her body on top of the popcorn boy and she jerked awake with a shriek. "He saw up my skirt before he passed out! He's a bigger perv than Sanji-kun!!!" Robin pulled her away from the man and she jumped back, looking disgusted.

"Let's look for Zoro and Sanji," Luffy said now that his crew was back where they were supposed to be.

Everyone nodded and hurried to the middle deck.

* * *

It was Zoro's body, but something about it seemed different. The stance was off, the movements jerky as it stepped slowly toward them. Zoro was annoyed that someone else was using his body but didn't really care. _There I am; let's get this over with._

Sanji didn't move.

_Oi, ero-cook? Hello, anyone in there?_

_I didn't… Why is your body _moving around_!?!_

_Who knows, who cares? Attack it… him… me already!_

_I didn't… _He repeated, but didn't get any further, because the body started its attack.

With a strange moan that may have been an attempt at words, Zoro's body lurched forward with an Oni Giri that was too close to the real thing for comfort. Sanji dodged at the last second.

Zoro was sure Sanji would use the momentum and close proximity to spin a kick into is lower back, but the cook just hopped back a good ways and stopped.

And he still wasn't attacking.

_Seriously, cook, are you paying any attention? My body's RIGHT THERE!!!_

And coming close fast, but Sanji was blocking Zoro out and _still not moving_!

_Tch, idiot! _Zoro yanked control to himself and dodged away from himself just in time. He probably could have kicked himself then, but Robin had warned them that the one not in control would be the one to transfer and he didn't want to be stuck in the cook's body forever.

_What are you doing, you moron!?! You need to fight back, damn it!_

Sanji regained control and blinked rapidly, shaking his head. Then he rubbed his eyes. _I don't know what came over me…_

_Duck!_

Sanji did as he was told and rolled away. He still wasn't attacking back, still watching Zoro's body wearily.

The body tried to talk again, sounding like Zoro if he'd been stung in the tongue by a bee.

_Come on, cook, wake up! Say something about how I sound more intelligent than normal._

That got enough reaction out of Sanji to get him to dodge for himself and then block a slash. _You just insulted yourself?_

_There you are! What the hell are you doing?_

_I don't know. _Sanji was fight back now, or at least blocking and counterattacking only to be blocked himself. _I just… I didn't…_

_This is no time to be sentimental, dartboard! You know you want to beat the shit out of me, so do it!_

Sanji gritted his teeth and nodded, then ducked under a blade and swung his foot up into a vertical kick aimed at Zoro's head… And at the last second missed and fell back.

_Sanji, damn it, stop pissing around!_

Sanji didn't answer, just jumped up and hurled his leg down at Zoro's body, only to be blocked by all three swords and thrown back. He ran forward again. _I'll get him… you this time._

_You better._

But before he could do anything, something long and hard came flying from nowhere and wrapped around his throat.

Sanji gasped and clawed at it as it started to cut off his windpipes. Black spots exploded at the edge of his vision.

_What the hell was that!?!_

_Like I… know, shithead… Shit, this isn't good…_

Zoro's body stood there watching him suffocate impassively while Sanji fought for air and tugged at the steel cord, weighted at both ends, succeeding only in wrapping it tighter. Touchstone appeared before him, mouth twitched in a smile.

"So you're the one Zoro's soul is in, aha? Lucky thing you're so weak, aha."

"I'll… show you weak… you shithead…" Sanji rasped, taking a shaky step forward.

Touchstone rolled his eyes. "Get rid of this urchin, aha," he ordered, waving at one of the huge stagehands.

"Aye, boss." The large man came forward and tried to grab the weakened Sanji's arm, only to receive a kick to the hand. He punched Sanji in the stomach, causing the air to rush from his lungs in a whoosh, and sent him spinning back, eyes swimming.

_This isn't… good, cook… we're suffocating._

_I know… we have to fight back._

_We have to… _they thought together, neither caring that they where thinking in plural, but they didn't get a chance to. The big stagehand grabbed him, and though they flailed and kicked, unsure who was in control at the moment, they were flung easily from the ship and began to sink into the ocean.

* * *

Luffy and the others arrived just in time to see Sanji go flying overboard. They stared in horror as he went below, and then saw Zoro watching disaffectedly.

"Zoro!" Luffy called, but the man didn't recognize his own name.

"Oh, he's not Zoro, aha," said Touchstone. "He is still a soulless shell under my control, aha."

"Luffy!" interrupted Nami. "Sanji-kun isn't surfacing!"

Luffy gritted his teeth, looking from the water to Zoro's body and then back. "Usopp, Nami, go after Sanji. Robin, Chopper, get back to the ship."

"Luffy…" Nami said softly, before whirling on Usopp. "You heard him! Come on, before Sanji-kun drowns!"

The crew hurried to do as they were told while Luffy faced Zoro's body.

"I'm taking him back if I have to drag him away unconscious!"

_

* * *

_

We're gonna die…

_We are… no air to swim, damn it!_

_Too late… Damn, I haven't kept my promise! I can't die here!_

…_Then you won't._

…_What are you saying, cook?_

_Remember what Robin-chan said? Only one soul will die. As long as they catch my body, the other one will live._

_So what, we play rock, paper, scissors or something?_

…_It's my fault you're not back in your body right now._

_Well, yeah, but what does that have to do with-_

_I didn't want to fight you. I was hoping I'd find you comatose and just have to touch you. I didn't want to… I _couldn't_ fight you like that._

_I told you not to get sentimental, damn it._

_I know… _A wry smile despite his failing consciousness. _I should have listened._

Zoro didn't like the direction Sanji's thoughts were taking. _Damn right you should have._

…_Do you believe in it, Zoro?_

_What the hell are you talking about?_

_All Blue. Is it really out there?_

_Of course it is, and you're going to live to see it, damn it!_

_Ah. Of course. And I'll live to see you become the greatest swordsman in the world and keep your promise to that girl._

_Damn straight._

…_Take care of them… Oh, I don't have to tell you that._

_Shut the hell up! You're not dieing, damn it!_

_Don't be too much of a bother to the girls…_

_Why you-_

_Don't let Luffy eat everything… And, if you happen to see All Blue… Well, don't go out of your way to find it, but…_

_We're going to have to for you… Sanji, damn it, hey!_

_I'm…_

_Sanji? _Damn black spots. Damn water. Damn lungs.

_Sor…_

_Don't you dare! Do this and I really _will _hate you forever!_

_Sorry…_

_Sanji? _Splashes above. He couldn't see, but could hear. He flailed a little… why was he in control? So much pain… Shit-cook should be in control, not him… _Sanji, I think someone's coming!_

…

_It's your witch woman. Hey!_

…

Sinking or floating, he couldn't tell anymore. Maybe someone's arm had grabbed his waist, maybe not. _Sanji, if you don't wake up I'll show everyone your dumb shitty eyebrows!_

…

…_Asshole._

And then he felt nothing.

* * *

"Gomu Gomu no Pistol!"

Luffy gasped. He had been going at his for awhile and was starting to get tired. Zoro, even without his soul, was a difficult opponent; he hadn't had to work this hard in a long time. He pulled his foot back and swung it around. "Gomu Gomu no Muchi!"

Zoro jumped over his leg like it as a jump rope and ran at him, mumbling something. He was too fast.

Zoro's swords tasted Luffy's blood.

The rubberman gasped at the slash on his right shoulder and staggered back.

A flurry of hands appeared between him and his first mate, blocking the swordsman. "Captain-san!"

Luffy, gripping his shoulder, stared reluctantly back at the wall of hands before bungee jumping to the _Merry _with one hand.

"Robin," he started to admonish, then froze when he saw his cook's pale and bloated face, his swollen neck.

"The bounty hunters' ship is escaping," Usopp observed, but was ignored.

Chopper was performing CPR, tears pouring down his cheeks. Nami was leaning on Robin, in shock, and the older girl didn't look much better herself. Luffy stood over them all, eyes guarded.

Sanji coughed, and a good deal of water spewed from his mouth. He moaned softly.

Nami knelt down next to him, shaking his shoulder slightly. "Sanji-kun?"

* * *

"Sanji-kun?"

_What? Damn witch woman, I'm not your… Oh. Right._

"Sanji-kun? Please answer!"

_Hear that, cook? Your witch is calling you. Oi, cook? Hey, we're not dead! Where are you?_

"Sanji-kun?"

…_Damn asshole dartboard…_

"Sanji-kun?"

Slowly, eyelids fluttered open, revealing to her sad, green eyes.

Zoro shook Sanji's head, and they all knew.

**Chapter 5 End**

* * *

A/N: Um, too late to add a warning or change the genre to tragedy…? Good thing I stocked the bunker… again.

_It was still a rivalry, but it wasn't like one between enemies, as they had previously considered it, but like between (eep!) brothers._

This is the description the _One Piece_ wikia uses for their relationship, and I like thinking of it as brotherly.

_Yeah, you do have the shittiest luck I've ever seen._

This is true. Like three-days-late told me one time, Sanji is Oda's whipping boy.

_Shut it. Holy shit, it _is_ their ship!!!_

Originally it was going to be another marine ship, but that was going to get old.

_He was on the very forward deck…_

I don't know nautical terms, sorry.

_Before them, swords drawn and bandanna in place, stood Zoro._

It's kind of like this. While Zoro's soul is gone his body is like a zombie that randomly obeys whoever. But he still has all Zoro's skills, just not his will.

"_Gomu Gomu no Muchi!"_

Rubber Whip.

"_Soul Extraction!"_

I wasn't originally planning on this, but this chapter was too short and serious, so I threw it in. They wake up really fast, but oh well, makes for random comic relief.

_You know you want to beat the shit out of me, so do it!_

As much as I hate to admit it, Sanji provokes all the fights. But Zoro would be the one to do what has to be done in this situation. Sanji doesn't want to hurt his friend, so he won't attack (although he didn't hesitate in movie 5 or the filler where they all had amnesia, but the circumstances are different here, and he DID leave an opening in movie 5). It's mostly because Zoro can't go back to his body yet, but I think it's plausible.

_But before he could do anything, something long and hard came flying from nowhere and wrapped around his throat._

It's basically a long steel cord that's weighted so it can wrap around things. There's probably a weapon with a name similar to this… somewhere…

_The rubberman gasped at the slash on his right shoulder and staggered back. _

Not enough to finish Luffy off, but I was too tired to write another fight.

So yeah… that's all.

See ya next time! Heh heh.

This is Dandy Wonderous, with a great tan, signing off.


	6. Light at the End of the Tunnel Vision

So, I should really be working on "Timeless" and my English summer homework, but here I am working on this instead. You guys better appreciate it! Haha.

Um, not sure how satisfied I am with this chapter. I'm okay with most of it, but I don't like the Zoro and Luffy conversation much, and it's not Zoro angsty enough because I don't know _how_ to make Zoro angsty. Eh, sorry… I'll leave it as is for now, but I may attack it at some later date.

I finished Enies Lobby!!! And therefore must geek about it a little… At the end of the author notes at the end of the chapter I'll have a spoiler warning and then my comments on this epic arc, which you don't have to read, but I want to tell someone my thoughts since no one I know is really into _One Piece._ I also have a little to say about movies 6 and 7, which I watched recently.

Many of you want to see Sanji in Zoro's body, I see. I'll go ahead and dash your hopes now (Sanji's dead, remember?), but that isn't planned. I'll write some alternate theater, though, how's that?

In other news, this has over 2,000 hits, which is HUGE for me!!!

**Reader Review Corner!!**

Wow, I cooked some good hotdogs on the flames this time around. Haha!

ShaolinQueen: This happens! Thanks!

IzumiTheMoogle: Wait, Sanji's dead? What!?! Who would do such a thing!!! …Oh, it was me… Um, I'm not sure how well I did on the Zoro guilt thing… Sorry! Wow, weird yet cool!

Yukiim: No, not the pout!!! It burns!!! And I hope this reached you before you drowned… like Sanji… Sniff.

Asagiri: Yeah, sucks, huh? And I tried to make him a good deal angsty… Seriously, Zoro's just not a guy I see as angsting over anything, though blaming himself, yes. He does a bit of that…

Eli t. rick: Um, sorry… or yay? I'm not sure which…

Daschel: I'm glad you enjoyed it some much! Hope this is just as enjoyable.

Majin Hentai X: Darn, I hate predictability. I'm not at Thriller Bark yet (SPOILER! Usopp rejoining the crew was the last thing I saw), but I guess I'll get it when I get there. And yeah, poor Sanji. OH!!! That reminds me, according to the One Piece wikia, Sanji's cross-dressing is against his will! I hope they're right! I was so relieved!!! No, that doesn't happen, but I'll do an extra where it does.

Silver Child of the Sea: I converted you? Wow!!! I'm like Jehovah's witness for Sanji, but I don't get doors slammed in my face! (Just a joke, sorry if that offends anyone.) Yay! And glad it was! Hope this one was…

Nitroglycerin: Ah, yes, about that… I meant for him too, but I was just as caught up in Sanji's death as he would have been and forgot. I realized it the next day but by then it was too late. I also meant to put something similar to this chapter's opening dream sequence, but I left it out too.

Sandy Toes: …Okay! And thanks, I knew there had to be something out there!

ECKLISHIA: Aw, sorry. I'm glad you liked it! Yes, I think it would be adorable! I love Chopper… Yay, it's somewhat believable that Sanji would freeze up! Hope you enjoy this!

ChronosNumberVII: Wait, Sanji's dead!?! Panic!!! Oh yeah, I did that… Ah, I see. I've heard about _Fruits Basket_ but never read/watched it.

Three-days-late: Glad it was otherwise enjoyable!

Blue Haven: Excellent question. Ah, I knew someone was going to call me out on that! Yeah, probably, but it's only two days 'til they reach the island, so it's not that bad. Yep, it would be great! Wish I could draw worth two cents, I'd do some fanart. I know, hard to believe, right? Ah, Asura! Alas, this is before Enies Lobby, so Zoro hasn't gone all full Asura yet (I think). Although that would be cool. I bet Sanji'd have six legs instead of six arms. Again, if I could draw worth a flip…

Asura: Hey, I was just talking about you! Anyway, good question. And I'm afraid that doesn't happen, but as I said, alternate scenes! That would be a fun picture to draw, too. And yes, it has radar, sonar, lasers, twenty foot thick steel walls, anti-aircraft guns, and a guard with a flashlight named Bill.

Dancing Nightmare: What! No!!! Darn, why do I keep freaking? Anyway, have fun on your cruise! My ex-boyfriend is going on one of those to, around Italy.

CrazyChibiSama: I converted you, too? Dang, I'm good at this! Woot!

Iryann: I kind of feel like I should just go stand in a corner… Hope you enjoy!

SmileyDJingles: You're part of the reason I'm working on this instead of what I need to be working on. Congratulations! Sometimes you do get what you wish for. ^^ And thanks!

Korimaru5: My second fave's Robin. XD

Bakura from School: Aw, thanks so much for that lovely review! And of course I add things for my readers; you guys are the only reason I coop up in my room for long hours writing this stuff (haha)! Hope you enjoy this chapter! Oh, and love your name; Bakura was always my favorite! He was so abused; I wanted to hurt people for letting him get hurt or whatever so much all the time!

Silverchild of the winds: He is indeed; just ask Oda. XP They shouldn't have, you're right, but since it was just thrown in for comedy before the seriousness at the end I broke my own rules. Who needs rules anyway? And I know! It's like he's got some weird complex where he has to sacrifice himself… Ah, a hero complex!

Things24: SPOILERS!!! So now no one will sneak onto the Sea Train, Usopp will never become Sogeking, Nami may possibly be killed by Jyabura, and no one will escape Enies Lobby because no one will think to close the Gates of Justice. END SPOILERS!!! It's fun to think of what would have happened if your favorite character didn't exist and see all the times the crew might have died without them. XD

On with the chapter!!! Sniff sniff… without Sanji…

**

* * *

**

Room for Two

By Dandy Wonderous

Chapter 6:

In Which Zoro Redefines "Soul Searching"

Falling slowly. Unable to see, unable to think, unable to breath, and that was the scary part. Bubbles tickled past his face and arms and legs.

Oh, not falling then. Sinking.

Something rose up, a teal light, he could see that. It was swirling through the water, too. And separating…

Soon there were two lights, one blue, one green. The blue one was fading, dissipating.

The green light stretched out, only he couldn't see it anymore because _he_ was the green light, and while he didn't know what was going on like hell he was letting the blue light get away.

He stretched as far away from his abandoned body as he could, pushing himself through the water by shear force of will. He couldn't let the blue light escape.

Slowly he drew up to the other light. If he could just touch it, just mix with it again…

The furthest tendrils of the green light reached the edges of the blue light…

He was so close…

For a split second he saw the other man's face, shocked, and then…

Zoro jerked awake in the hammock, panting hard and heart racing. He stared at his… at Sanji's knees, afraid to shut his eyes and see it all again on the closed lids. He'd already made that mistake twice; he didn't want to drift off and have the same dream a fourth time.

_Stupid shit-cook… asshole… _He had run out of creative insults long ago, and even before then they'd been just as half-hearted as they were now. He wasn't sure why he kept insulting a man who wasn't there, but he kept half expecting some sort of retort.

One never came.

He ran a hand tiredly through the bangs on the left side of Sanji's face, then paled and looked around worriedly. The cook would never forgive him if he let anyone see his left eyebrow.

_Except he's dead,_ he reminded himself for the hundredth time. He still couldn't believe it, though. How he had just slipped away with nothing to say for himself but an apology.

_Asshole._

The sick feeling twisted his gut again, one he had to acknowledge as guilt. Surely he could have done _something_… Could have taken control himself, but Sanji had thrown him so far off guard. And he had been so sure that it couldn't really happen, that they'd be saved in the nick of time, just like always. They were _always_ okay in the end.

Why not this time?

Chopper mumbled in his sleep and rolled over, troubled. Sanji's death were hitting them all hard; Luffy had been sitting on his special seat on the figurehead since he learned the news, staring at the sea. Usopp had blamed himself until Zoro beat some sense into him, making him realize that there was nothing he could do and that Sanji would hate to see him beat himself up like that. Usopp had agreed and looked less guilty.

_Wish I could make myself believe the same thing._

Luffy still wasn't back; Zoro would need to check on him soon. Why not do that now? Sleep was impossible anyway.

Zoro swung out of the hammock, Sanji's bare and calloused feet landing with uncustomary clumsiness and noise on the floorboards. He looked over quickly but Chopper and Usopp were still asleep; he realized that it hadn't been as loud as he had thought. Still, he crept out of the cabin like a thief, not wanting to attract any attention.

Out on the deck in the moonlight he could see the outline of his captain, still on the figurehead. He started to go but was stalled by the light in the galley. He peeked in and saw Nami slumped at the table, staring blankly at a piece of map paper on which was drawn a solitary line.

He sighed and headed for the door. It looked like two crewmates would need his help tonight.

"Little late for map-making, isn't it?"

Nami jumped and spun to look at him. For a moment her eyes widened so large he thought they would swallow his forehead, then they stopped and just looked weary. "You scared me, jerk," she muttered.

"What? It's not like I was sneaking up on you or anything."

She shook her head. "It's just… like seeing a ghost."

"Oh, right…" Zoro mentally slapped himself. How was he supposed to help anyone with Sanji's death if he looked and sounded just like him?

Not to mention he needed help, too.

Zoro put that thought away for later and sank down in on the bench across from her, slouching in a very non-Sanji fashion. "If you're expecting me to drool all over you and fix you something, forget it."

"I'm not," she said flatly.

Zoro cleared his throat nervously. Why did he suck so much at this? "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to say that."

"But you did."

He was seriously questioning his decision to come in. All he was doing was making her mad.

"You know, he wouldn't like it much if you were sulking over him."

"I'm not sulking." She jabbed her pen into the ink pot. "I'm perfectly _fine_." A yank that sent ink everywhere.

"Obviously."

She cursed and jumped for a towel. "Sanji would've hated if I stained his table," she muttered, starting to mop it up. Then she bit her lip and looked in embarrassment at Zoro.

"Not if _you_ did it."

She chewed on her lip some more and then went back to mopping up the ink. "It's so weird. Sanji's sitting in front of me, but he's not really there." She stopped and looked at him again. "He's really not there anymore, is he?"

Zoro hesitated. He knew he couldn't hear Sanji, couldn't sense his presence, but there was something keeping him from fully accepting it. Somehow he felt that the cook couldn't be dead, not that easy.

He was probably just being stubborn, but…

"I can't hear him, if that's what you mean."

Nami finished cleaning. "I never appreciated him enough," she said suddenly with a wry laugh. "Everything he did for me. Not just wait on me, but protect me, too."

Zoro didn't say anything, but something, the way she talked as though at the cook's funeral, was starting to make him mad.

_He's dead,_ he reminded himself angrily, the guilt and survivor's shame twisting his gut again.

"Sanji went up against Arlong without really knowing me," she continued. "And he protected me on Drum and Sky Island and-"

"Kun."

Nami looked up from where she had been examining the grains on the table. "Huh?"

"Sanji-_kun_."

"Um, Zoro, what-"

"You've stopped calling him "Sanji-kun.""

She blinked at him like he was crazy, and he wasn't sure she wasn't right. "Um, Zoro, do you really think it's necessary anymore?"

"Do you know how much it means to him that he's the only one you call "kun"?"

"Zoro…"

Zoro wasn't sure why he was angry all of a sudden, and he wasn't sure who the anger was directed at, but right now he was just _mad_. "He loves to hear you call him that, and now you're just going to drop it!?!" He stood up angrily.

"Zoro, stop it! He's dead, damn it, he's dead!" Now she was angry, too. They were both up, standing right in front of each other, breathing hard.

And then Nami started sobbing, face in her hands.

"Nami…" Zoro regretted getting angry at her. Unsure what to do, he moved awkwardly forward and wrapped his arms around her stiffly.

She leaned her head against his chest, crying and breathing in Sanji's own unique scent, of seafood and cigarettes. Not being a very experience comforter, Zoro just stood there and waited awkwardly for her to stop.

After a few minutes she pulled away from him and wiped off her hands on his arms. "Sorry, Zoro. I just… I never thought we'd lose anyone like that."

"Me neither."

She smirked. "And here I thought you didn't care about him."

The swordsman grimaced. "I don't. But who's gonna cook now?"

She rolled her eyes and set back down. "You don't think he's really gone, do you?"

Zoro thought about it again. "I don't know. But I do know that the cook's not one to go without a good fight first."

She started working on her map again, this time actually _working_. "I'll make you a deal, Zoro. If you're right, and Sanji-kun isn't really gone, then I'll lower your interest by ten percent."

Zoro smiled at the honorific. "Well, I can't turn that down."

* * *

"Zoro?"

Zoro walked the rest of the way to his captain. He should have known that slipping up on Luffy was impossible.

"Sanji isn't dead, right?"

Zoro leaned against the rail, looking out at the sea with him. "I'm not sure. I don't think so, but I can't feel him anymore."

"He's just lost," said Luffy with determination. "We'll find him again."

"Maybe." That sounded wonderful to Zoro, but he knew better than to get his hopes up too much.

"…What did he say before he left?"

Zoro smirked. "He said not to let you eat all the food."

Luffy laughed. "Maybe if I did he'd come back just to kick my ass."

"Cussing up a storm."

"Luffy, you shitty gomu! No supper tonight!" Luffy had turned around and was doing his Sanji impression. "Marimo, no food for you, either, because this is your fault! Oh Nami-swan! Robin-chwan!"

Zoro laughed with his captain, and then they both settled down and looked back out at the sea.

"We won't get another cook," Luffy finally said.

"You sure?"

"Yeah. Sanji's our cook! That's the way it'll always be." He grinned. "He's our nakama."

* * *

Luffy had finally gone to bed, convinced that Sanji was still there somewhere. Nami had gone to bed at some point, too, and now only Zoro was still up, still by the figurehead watching the sea.

He still felt guilty that he hadn't saved him somehow. A small voice was telling him it wasn't too late, though; Sanji could still be saved.

Zoro wasn't sure whether to believe it or not, but there was still that small hope holding him.

_Stupid dartboard… You just had to play hero, didn't you? Why do you have to die for everyone? It's like you make it your personal mission to find a reason to sacrifice yourself…_

Zoro hated Sanji so much at the moment. Hated him for dieing. Hated him for making him feel guilty. Hated him for making his eyes mist and he was not going to cry, damn it!

He somehow managed to win the fight against his tear ducts but his hands were trembling and he wasn't sure why. Probably just exhaustion… He felt jittery, though. And a little nauseous.

What was that about?

"Oh, damn…" he muttered as realization dawned. Or rather slapped him in the face when he found the cigarettes in Sanji's pocket.

He-or rather Sanji-was going into withdrawal, which wasn't fair in Zoro's opinion, since it hadn't even been twenty-four hours yet.

He _really_ didn't want to smoke.

But he _did_ want the jittery feeling to go away so he could be miserable in peace. With a sigh he admitted defeat to the addiction and pulled out a smoke.

Which end of the damn thing did you even light?

Thinking back to the times he had seen Sanji do it he got it properly lit and, with a look of disgust, put it between his lips. Hesitantly he took a drag, letting the smoke flood his lungs.

He fell to hacking, thinking that if Sanji's body weren't so used to it he'd probably be upchucking into the ocean right now.

After a few breaths of real air he tried again. It wasn't as bad this time, and the nicotine was making him feel calm and normal again.

The smoke was awful, but the calming effect was nice. Of course, he knew it was caused by having the addiction, and he wasn't too eager to try such a thing after he was back in his own body.

That gave Zoro pause. Of course, he was going to try to get back to his body; he still had a promise to fill. But now that he thought about it…

A vision filled his head, of him back in his body, Sanji's laying next to him, facedown, lifeless…

He shook it away, gritting his teeth. _Stupid dartboard, making me feel this way…_

_I hope you're really still in here somewhere._

* * *

"So… who's cooking breakfast?"

The crew was sitting in the galley, staring around blankly. No one was over the shock yet, but Usopp's question woke them up a little.

"I could-" began Nami, but was cut off by Usopp and Zoro's shouts of "No!"

"What!?!" she growled, offended.

"We both remember how much you charge," Usopp pointed out. Zoro nodded in agreement.

She huffed. "Fine."

"I can make a few things," Robin offered. "Bacon and eggs."

"I can make pancakes!" Chopper volunteered.

"Yosh! Then get cooking!" Luffy was acting cheerful, but it was mostly forced.

Nami calculated that it would take another two days to get to the island the bounty hunters were heading to, meaning Zoro had to deal with Sanji's nicotine obsessed body for that long. He didn't think about how annoying it was, though, just about how empty…

Being depressed really sucked.

He hadn't felt like this since… since Kuina.

The thought of his dead friend made him cringe. He remembered when she died. He had been so lonely, so upset, so _angry_…

Yes, it was definitely the same.

No matter how much they fought, Sanji and Zoro had been friends. Best friends, even.

And Zoro missed him. Like he missed her.

It was annoying and depressing. Zoro didn't like it, but what else was he supposed to do?

Unless Sanji really was still…

_If you are, cook, I am SO kicking your ass for making me feel like this!_

* * *

The rest of the day passed like a blur for Zoro. He had wandered around deck, fuming, sulking, and smoking. Everyone had this dead look and most avoided his eyes, not wanting, like Nami, to see Sanji's "ghost."

Now he was finally sleeping. He had finally been so exhausted that he had passed out.

And he was dreaming.

Dreaming of Kuina and sword fighting and normal Zoro-y things…

Dreaming of Kuina in a bikini, curves and chest far too defined for someone her…

Zoro was so shocked he almost woke up. Suddenly he was surrounded by women in bikinis. Nami, Robin, Vivi, that bounty hunter witch…

_S-sanji? Cook, oi!_

_Mello… mello…rine…_

The dream ended and Zoro jolted awake. He was panting, sweating… and confused.

That had definitely been Sanji's dream and voice.

That shit-cook was still alive!

_Sanji! Hey, dartboard! Asshole! Ero-cook! Oi!!!_

Nothing…

Zoro deflated. He had been so sure…

Had he just dreamed it himself? No, he couldn't have… that had to have been him. It _had _to!

_Ero-cook, you better be alive, you damn question eyebrow! _

* * *

Zoro had jumped out of bed and was now doing the only thing he could think of; cooking.

He had hoped that doing what Sanji loved most would bring him back. There were a few things, like Sanji's knife handling (that he had to admit was impressive), that came back thanks to muscle memory, but there didn't seem to be any conscious thought. No proof the cook was really still alive.

But Zoro wasn't giving up yet. He knew he'd felt him, there in that dream.

_Shitty cook… Wake up! We need you to make breakfast! Wake up!_

Nothing.

_Come on, no one's as good as you at this!_

Still nothing.

_You're just doing this to spite me, aren't you? Asshole._

Still nothing.

_Asshole… Please?_

…

_Breakfast… cook… late…_

Zoro almost cried out in triumph.

It was fleeting, but the thought had not been his; it had been foreign.

It had been Sanji.

Somehow, some way, he had to pull the cook back, before he was really gone.

The cook was annoying and irritable, but he was Zoro's nakama. His friend. He had let him die once, he wasn't letting it happen again.

Now, what had done the trick?

Oh yeah. Please.

Something Sanji'd wanted to hear.

Zoro widened Sanji's eye, and then he smirked. He knew exactly what to do.

* * *

"Zoro, it's the middle of the night," Usopp yawned irritably.

The crew was gathered in the galley, staring curiously at Zoro. He hadn't told any of them what was going on, only run around waking everybody, grabbing Chopper on watch, and was now standing in front of them looking serious.

"This is important."

Everyone hushed.

"I heard Sanji think."

Everyone erupted.

"Are you sure?" asked Nami.

"I knew he wasn't dead!" crowed Luffy.

"Sanji!!!" cried Chopper.

"What if it really _is_ his ghost!?!" wailed Usopp with shaking knees.

"Sanji, wake up and cook me meat!" Luffy continued.

"I mean, what if he's turned into a vengeful spirit after our souls?"

Chopper and Luffy were dancing around crying, "Meat, meat!"

Zoro felt a vein pulse on his forehead and resisted the urge to grab another smoke.

"Swordsman-san," Robin began, silencing the others, "what exactly did he say?"

"He was worried about being late for breakfast."

"At nearly three in the morning?" asked Nami, incredulous.

"I don't think he knows what time it is."

"Have you felt anything else?" Robin continued.

"Well, he had a dream…"

"How do you know it was his?" Nami was skeptical.

"Because _I_ don't dream of you in a bikini."

"Definitely Sanji," said Nami and Usopp together.

"What triggered Cook-san's thought about food?" Robin prompted.

"Well, I told him we wanted him to cook… told him his was the best… said please," he finished in a whisper.

Usopp burst out laughing at the scary swordsman saying please and was immediately silenced by an evil look from said man.

"So what do you want us to do?" asked Nami.

"Well, if me saying "please" will get him to respond, maybe all of us being… ugh, _nice_ to him will get him to come back." Zoro cringed at the plan.

"That's easy!" Luffy laughed. "Sanji, your cooking's the best! Now make me some meat!"

"That won't work, idiot!" yelled Nami, hitting his head.

"Ow, Nami! But Zoro said-"

"Just ordering him to cook for you isn't exactly nice!"

"Then what am I supposed to say?"

"Sanji, your cooking's the best!" cried Chopper. "And you're always nice to me! Well, most of the time, anyway… But you yell at everybody, so I don't mind!"

"I'm sorry I didn't get to you in time," Usopp muttered.

"You're my nakama, and the best cook in the world! Besides, I'm your captain, and I didn't say you could leave!"

"Might I try something a bit more… direct?" Robin suggested.

"Um, sure."

"Thank you, Swordsman-san." Robin set down her coffee, rose from the table, walked over to where Zoro stood in the middle of the room, pulled him to her by Sanji's tie (Zoro hadn't bothered to change Sanji's clothes), and kissed him passionately on the lips.

"R-robin!" cried Nami, shocked. Everyone else could just stare, slack-jawed.

She finished and stepped back. Zoro blinked at her, dumbfounded.

"Well?" she asked expectantly.

Zoro finally regained his sense. "What the hell was that, woman!?!"

"Well, you suggested giving Cook-san what he wanted. I assume he would enjoy that?"

Zoro shuddered (though he had to admit it hadn't been half bad).

"Did you feel anything?" she asked.

"I felt… something, so I guessed it worked," he admitted grudgingly.

"Oh. So if I did this…" Nami hopped up and went over to Zoro next. He blushed slightly and tried to cringe back, but Nami grabbed his tie like Robin had and leaned against him. "Hello, Sanji-kun," she whispered seductively. "What do ya say we go out after Zoro's back in his body. Hmm? Just the two of us…" She kissed Sanji's lips next, but it was quicker and more teasing.

Zoro's heart did some funny flips but he was pretty sure that his own emotions were causing the sick feeling in his stomach. So the flips had to be the ero-cook… who still wasn't making an appearance.

"Sanji," said Luffy seriously. "If you come back, I won't raid the fridge ever again." He thought about it a moment, then said, "Well, at least not for a month."

_Hear that, cook? A date with Nami and no raids from Luffy for a month if you come back. Sounds like a good deal to me._

"Well?" asked Usopp.

"No good. I still can't feel him."

Everyone sighed and sank back down to the table in defeat.

_Now see that? You've disappointed them! I hope you're happy with yourself._

Still nothing…

_Come on, Sanji, I know you're there still! I refuse to accept that you're dead!_

Still nothing…

_Sanji, you asshole, you're about to make me say something I _really_ don't want to._

Still nothing…

_I swear, if you make me say it…_

Still nothing…

_Tch, fine, I'll say it. I miss you. Okay, there, you happy?_

_Actually, yes. Never thought I'd hear the great Roronoa Zoro admit _that…

"Sanji!?!" Zoro spat aloud and every jumped and stared at him.

_The one and only._

"You asshole!" he yelled, and everyone else burst into relieved laughter.

"Sanji-kun!" Nami was up again, shaking Sanji's shoulders. "Don't ever scare me like that again!"

Zoro slipped back while Sanji took rightful control of his own body. "Ah, I'm so sorry, Nami-swan! I didn't mean to-"

He didn't get much further because Usopp, Chopper, and Luffy had all jumped up in celebratory dance while Robin smiled at him from the table.

_How long have you been back, anyway?_

_Oh, since about the time Robin kissed me._

_What!?!_

_Hey, it's nice to have girls fawning over me for once and listen to people say nice things about me._

_You are so _dead_!!!_

…_No, I'm not. And I have you to thank for that. So thanks._

…_Tch. Everyone else was just so mopey, and Nami had promised to lower my interest if I got you back._

Sanji started to reply but was interrupted by his legs sudden refusal to hold him. He fell to the floor, looking dazed. "Oi, what…"

Chopper was at his side immediately. He looked him over quickly, then sighed. "No, you're okay. I just think it's because you've been so unconscious for so long."

"Eh?"

"Well, your body's been awake, but you haven't, so it's almost the same."

"Oh… You're right, a nap sounds good right now…"

"Ah! Wait, I don't know if it's safe for you to sleep!!!"

Nami shook him awake again and he smiled sheepishly. "Oh, sorry. I'm just so tired… has Zoro been sleeping?"

_It's _your_ fault I wasn't sleeping, damn it!_

Chopper looked him over again, then nodded. "I think you'll be okay."

"Good." He sighed in exhaustion.

"Sanji." Luffy stood over him, grinning. "Glad you're back."

Sanji smiled back. "Good to be back, captain."

**Chapter 6 End**

* * *

A/N: I didn't leave him dead long, did I? It's because they're so close, and he needed to be back before they docked.

But he's alive!!! Woot!!!

The beginning scene was supposed to be in the last chapter, but his "death" got me so flustered I forgot it. Haha!

Parts in the first half of this chapter made me feel a little like I was writing a ZoSan… Huh.

_Could have taken control himself, but Sanji had thrown him so far off guard._

Nice save for my carelessness.

"_You've stopped calling him "Sanji-kun.""_

I've always had this strange fascination with the fact that she calls him "Sanji-kun" though I don't know why. Anyway, you know he would hate it if she stopped for some reason.

…_Sanji's own unique scent, of seafood and cigarettes._

According to Oda.

_Which end of the damn thing did you even light?_

That would be my problem.

"_We both remember how much you charge," Usopp pointed out._

As according to the "Report Time" Mugiwara Theater short. My favorite, for obvious reasons (if you've seen it and know the slightest bit about me).

Another breakfast fail by me. Lately I've been eating the muffins my mom randomly decided to bake.

_Chopper and Luffy were dancing around crying, "Meat, meat!"_

I've mentioned before that Chopper probably doesn't eat meat, but by an episode and a movie I have been proven wrong; Chopper does, in fact, eat meat. Does anyone else find that creepy?

…_and kissed him passionately on the lips._

Back when this was going to have a definite SanRob tilt (it was going to have a ZoTash one, too, in my defense), this was all that was needed to wake Sanji. After I changed the plan I took it out, but after Robin's, er, "hands on" approach with Franky I put it back.

_Zoro's heart did some funny flips but he was pretty sure that his own emotions were causing the sick feeling in his stomach. _

I dislike ZoNa, but there's been so much of it lately, and so much of it has been, ugh, _cute_, I'm starting to… be okay with it.

_Oh, since about the time Robin kissed me._

He explains in the next chapter why Zoro couldn't feel him, don't worry.

Okay, end of author's notes!!! Hope you enjoyed! It's so hard to write about solely Zoro when you're a Sanji fangirl…

SPOILER ALERT!!! FOR ALL OF ENIES LOBBY!!! (I'll try to make this short)

I'll skip Water 7 and the Sea Train except to say that Usopp was a douche and Sanji was awesome. ^^

Luffy being impulsive; awesome. I loved how Sanji's face was the one on the map showing where the yagaras were. They were epic when they smashed the building! I like when they're trying to get to the roof and Zoro just makes a giant hole. Sanji made a dynamic entry! And the burning of the flag was AWESOME!!! I love judge Baskerville when he splits; "We're the best of friends!" Lawls. I loved most of the stuff in the Tower of Justice (I think I've got the right building). I will hate Kalifa forever, for humiliating my Sanji-kins and especially for feeling him up!!! CHOPPER!!! Poor guy. Jyabura versus Sanji was EPIC! So was Kaku versus Zoro; he's a square giraffe! How can you not love Kaku? Asura and Diable Jambe; hell yeah! It's cool that one (the declared atheist) was modeling a god while the other was using an attack of the devil, as he called it. While Luffy versus Lucci was AMAZING, there were some parts that were dull just because it was drug over so many episodes. Ah well, beggers can't be choosers. I wanted to smack Usopp afterwards when he was yelling at Luffy to stand up. I was like, you idiot, he can't move!!! My murderous rage towards Usopp was mostly because I've never wanted to give Luffy a hug more than at that moment and I was still incredibly PO'd at Usopp for, well, being a douche. If it had been anyone else I wouldn't have wanted to smack them, or at least not as much. Backing up a bit, poor Sanji's crushed mermaid dreams! _MERRY_'S DEATH MADE ME BAWL LIKE A LITTLE BABY!!!

After Enies; the filler about Zoro was perhaps the best half hour I've ever spent in my life! It was so hilarious! I always knew he'd make a good daddy. Robin agrees! The party proved that Chopper eats meat… still creepy. Poor Sanji and Chopper; they were so excited about their bounties and they got so screwed over!!! At least Sanji's is the second highest starting bounty of the crew, just by 1,000,001, if I remember Robin's right. I'm annoyed that I still haven't gotten to see the inside of the _Thousand Sunny_. When Sanji was yelling about his dream fridge I could just imagine him hugging it. I stood corrected about the best half hour ever when I reached Franky being "forced" into the crew. It was funny enough that they took his pants, but Robin… Luffy and the girls' commentary was the best part. "They have been grabbed! …Robin, I still want him to be a man when he joins!" "They'll be torn off just like an orange!" Lawls! And here I was thinking his manhood had to be made out of metal like the rest of his front; apparently I was wrong. Finally, Usopp redeemed himself and stopped being a douche. Though I thought he got reaccepted just a _bit_ too quickly. But that's just me.

As for the movies, I watched both 6 and 7 (well, I've seen the others, too, but these are the ones I wanted to mention). First, I both hated and loved 6. It had lots of nice Sanji features (especially his cooking thing), and the fight between he and Zoro was great. But the rest was just… creepy. As for 7, it's actually been my favorite besides 2 (I just like it for Sanji, especially him hurting his feet and Zoro actually asking if he's okay). I don't really know why, but it's largely due to Zoro's epic deflecting of the arrows and Sanji's epic fail with the control panel. Oo, and he has a nice thing about his hands in there, too. ^^

SPOILER ENDS!!!

Woo, that was long. Okay, there you go. Hope this was satisfactory!

Listening to Sirius Top 40, this is Dandy Wonderous, signing off.


	7. Dadadun, Dadadun

**IMPORTANT NOTE!!! This fic now has fanart!!! I could die of happiness!!! Thanks to IzumiTheMoogle for her cute cover art!!! Go to my profile for a link, right there in the big bold message under where I geek about Hiroaki Hirata at the top!!!**

**In other big news, this is now listed in a community! My first story for that to happen to! I'm so touched! Again!**

Waah, this chapter is late! Sorry it took so long!! I blame summer English homework (the absolute pits), my ex-boyfriend (who I recently learned was cheating on me for most of our relationship… with two girls… at once… who he is now cheating on without me involved), and the fact that I haven't been able to focus on one single thing worth crap. I kept starting one fic, and then I'd switch pell mell to another. Had nothing to do with writer's block; it was more like writer's back up, too many ideas all wanting to get down on paper (er, computer screen) at once. So writing this at first ended up being something like this:

*Dandy stares at screen; types something; deletes; types something else; deletes; jams random keys; deletes; headdeskheaddeskheaddeskheadwallheaddeskfacepalmheaddeskdeskheadheaddesk…desk; goes to do something else… for two days*

So yeah…

And the first half of this still feels like a ZoSan… so if you're a fan, yay, if you're not, sorry, it's not really ZoSan at all, I promise!

But overall I was happy with it in the end.

**Reader Review Corner!!**

Majin Hentai X: Haha, cool, I tricked you! Unfortunately I already know about Sanji's… er, experiences thanks to spoilers from reading fanfiction. But you'll all be proud to know that I have managed to stave off the big chapter 550 twist! All I know is that it has to do with Ace. I'm so proud of myself, so please don't spoil this for me!!!

Iryann: Yep! ^^ I just can't resist him. That is an amusing mental image. Haha, thanks!

CrazyChibiSama: Phew. Oh cool, I'm glad to know that some Zoro fangirls are enjoying this. Of course Sanji isn't just a lovesick idiot! (tries to ignore the fact that she just watched an episode where he yelled "Girls' bath!" at inappropriate moments during a fight and announced that he would "peep with his own ability") In the same way that Zoro isn't into just slicing people up, and Luffy isn't just a meat-loving idiot, and Nami isn't just a money-loving, cold hearted girl, there is dimension to his character! It's just hard to see under all the hearts and wiggling. Oh, definitely; you have to feel the love!

Dalia76: Who, me? Nah… Me too, though I think LuVi's cuter. Oo, I made you feel miserable; yes! (hey, that means I did my job as an author!) Lee smile of YOUTH!!!

Sandy Toes: I think we've all creeped an author or two out. Go ahead, hug him; it's fun, and he very much enjoys it! Yeah, just a bit; but he redeemed himself! Especially in this Perona fight, which totally threw me off; I can't believe I didn't see that coming! She pulled an Oz!!! (as in, "The Wizard of…" not Luffy's zombie) Well, sort of.

Grace121: Evil? I'm evil? Attempts evil laugh: Muahahaha-hack, cough cough. Okay, bad idea. Oh, then have fun with this chapter (the first half, anyway). I suppose, but I don't like yaoi in general, and while there ARE couples I can see (coughgaaleecough) (I know, weird, right?), ZoSan isn't one of them. But, to each her own. Yep, happy day!

Asagiri: Yay! Thanks! Yep, Robin kissed Zoro and he just didn't know what to do. I'm a Frobin fan, but Zoro and Robin would have beautiful kids (as Izumi-chan and I decided). I do indeed; 49 episodes to catch up with the anime, and then a bunch of chapters to read. I've had most everything spoiled for me, though, except chapter 550, and I'm determined to keep it that way!!! Eh, don't worry, I'm the queen of rambling (this RRC is proof; why don't I reply individually, then? I think this is more fun! ^^).

Eli t. rick: Thanks! Haha, I'm glad. Yep, I gots to torture him some.

Emma Iveli: Evil laugh attempt number two: Bwahahaha-a-a-choo!!! Oh geez, I sneezed this time. Thanks!

Daschel: Of course! Heehee. He deserved some lovin', I think. I KNOW! That was one evil daisy thing! Oo, oo, okay, it was really fast, so you gotta watch it close! That guy in the robot suit he fought had his hand in his big metal fist, and Sanji said something along the lines of, "You're treating it roughly. What you're holding is a cook's life." And then SANJI FOOT TO FACE!!! It was nice. Thanks!

IzumiTheMoogle: Yep! Thanks! I'm glad you thought so. Yep, he's a smoking failure, which isn't really a bad thing. I already replied to the rest. ^^

Santoryuu-Zoro: Thanks! Aw, thanks for that, too, sorry it made you sad, though. Be happy, it's more fun! I tried… sorry. I'll probably attack it at a later date. On the other hand, this one gets nice and Sanji-angsty, which is easy for me… sigh. Thanks again! Oo, just wait and see!

Supanico: Thanks! Love your profile pic; so cute!

Three-days-late: Suuure you weren't. XP Yep. Good thing that he's my slave for this story and I get to force him to be feeling. XD

Silverchild of the wind: Oo, the title was good, then? Shweet! Yay, I'm glad it was funny for someone. I watched movie 7 where I watch all my OP stuff: watch-onepiece dot com (if that failed, NOT dot net). Yep, LuNa has its merits. Yay, thanks! Oh… Sanji's pov… Yeah, I can do that! Aha…hahaha…haha… headdesk…

Things24: Eh, she's probably used to it by now.

ChronosNumberVII: Yay! Yep; it's an "Aww" moment. ^^

Blue Haven: Thanks! Yeah, you saw right through me! Haha! Yeah, poor guy. Heehee, I didn't look at it that way, but kind of. Yep, it would've been awesome! I'll see what I can do for the extra bits… Oo, in fact, right as I was typing this I got the perfect idea… ^^

Asura: Yep! Phew, that's good. Yeah, Bill's a real monster. Thanks!!! Yeah, he's quickly becoming one of my faves, too, though I'm seriously loving Brooke. Yohohoho!!!

Dancing Nightmare: Suuure. Heehee. You bet he is! Roar!!! Thanks! Oh, I'm a much bigger SaNa fan now, but it still has its merits every now and then. Oh, good. Oo, yeah, me too! (we're evil, sadistic people!!! But isn't every fangirl that way?) Movie 2 was great because of that! And I wanted to give him a hug when he was tied up and talking to Nami, even though he went all lovesick stupid afterwards. Yeah, movie 6 was freakish! But still good.

Nitroglycerin: Thanks! Haha, after reading that I reread that part and got a mental image of Zoro (well, Sanji really) running around and tipping over mattresses and stuff and yelling like a maniac that was really amusing. Well, that was because I couldn't think of enough plot… I mean, yeah, it couldn't be helped! *sweatdrop*

Nami: Thanks!

Amy: Thanks! Aw, I love nakamaship! It's so great. Romance is fun, too, but it's nice to just have the characters. Oo, yeah, I love their fight in that movie! Especially Zoro calling Sanji "question" and him just being like, "Wtf!?!" And then how they refused to acknowledge each other later, and Nami refusing to acknowledge Usopp was hilarious! Though I had a complaint that Sanji went out of character in the movie by refusing to give Zoro food, which we all know is against his principles. Beat him with a foot, yes. Refuse him a meal, no. But then, they were all going a little batty.

Sunayoko (or Korimaru5, however you are): Yay! I'm glad!

Kagollie: Oh wow, really? Cool! I mean, not that I like making people cry, it's just cool that my fic is that touching…

Applegreen112: Thanks again! Btw, I love when reviews start out with, "I don't normally review, but…" It makes me happy. ^^

Silver Child of the Sea: Oh, definitely not. I'm a sucker for happy endings every time! Thanks! Oo, I really liked it all, too! Yeah, I bawled for her back story. Though I'm absolutely loving Thriller Bark.

Really Great (for chap 1): Aw, great! Thanks! Oo, cool, read that one, too. Thanks! Hey, someone further behind than me; that's a relief! -_-'

Eye of the fight (for chap 3): Thanks! How did you guys all predict that, anyway? I didn't even think of it until I started writing that chapter! You guys must be psychic.

ON WITH THE FIC!!! Oo, but first, a special treat: the normally forgotten disclaimer!

Disclaimer: Not only do I not own _One Piece_, I don't own _Mission Impossible_!!! Shocking, eh?

**

* * *

**

Room for Two

By Dandy Wonderous

Chapter 7:

In Which the Crew Plays "Mission Impossible"

Sanji was sitting on a bench at the table, leaning back against the wall, legs propped up, smoking a cigarette. After a long nap he had fixed supper (a looong nap) and now he was still in the kitchen, unable to tear himself away.

_I still can't believe I didn't come back to all kinds of withdrawal symptoms,_ he thought suddenly.

_That's because your body is extremely annoying. Now I know why you get so piss-y when you run out._

A short laugh. _Yeah, well, you're not much better when you don't get your alcohol._

_Touché._

_You actually _know_ that word?_

…_Your shitty brain is affecting my head._

Sanji laughed longer this time, then took a long drag and blew some smoke rings. He watched them elongate and drift away before speaking again. _Was I really gone for only a day?_

_A day and a half, yeah. Why?_

Sanji got eerily quiet and guarded. He finished his cigarette and snuffed it out in the ashtray before getting up and walking to the sink, where some dishes from dinner were still waiting to be put away.

_It felt like a lot longer than that,_ he finally thought, examining a plate absently before putting it in a cupboard. _It felt like… years._

Zoro stayed silent and let him continue without comment.

_It was… really strange being dead. Not painful or anything, just… blank. Or it was at first. There was no emotion. I was floating around in this place, pitch black… But there was this one single point of light somewhere far off. I kept trying to reach it but every time… _He stopped, realizing that he had been staring at the same glass without moving. He grimaced and put the cup away. _Sorry. You probably aren't interested in this._

Zoro tried to think of the best way to say he was willing to listen without sounding like he cared (because he didn't, of course). He finally settled on, _Well, I'm not _not_ listening, so if you want to, you know, talk… or whatever…_

Had he been in his own body he probably would be blushing about this point. He couldn't think of a more awkward way to phrase something.

Sanji put the last of the dishes away before saying more. After a little debate, though, he started again. _Well, there was that light, right? I would try to get to it all the time, but something would drag me back, like someone was grabbing my ankle. It would pull and tug and not let me get to the light._

_I was really angry with it, because the light was where I was supposed to be going. I knew that much. But it was stubborn and refused to give up its hold on me._

He gulped, a harsh motion, and then continued tentatively. _It was… tethering me here, I guess. I think… I think it must have been you._

Zoro thought back to his dream. The green light, reaching out to the blue…

_Well, I _have_ been known to be stubborn._

Sanji groaned in an over exaggerated fashion. _No kidding._ He fell quiet for a few minutes, then found himself gripping the edge of the sink. _It… it was so dark. And everything was numb at first, but the more that hold was on me the more I could feel again. I started to realize just how dark it _really_ was, and how cold, and how…_ Something caught in his throat, and he scowled at himself. He didn't want to break down, especially not with the marimo as his only comfort. Despite his best efforts, however, the more he remembered that place, the more weak he became. Reluctantly he finished his sentence. _…Lonely._

Oh, there it went. He screwed up his eyes as tight as possible, gritting his teeth in determination. He was _not_ going to cry, whether Zoro already knew he was about to or not.

He half expected the swordsman to make fun of him, but Zoro didn't, waiting for him to compose himself. Sanji wasn't sure which was worse; Zoro taunting him like usual, calling him out on the weakness, or Zoro keeping that same, pitying silence. After a moment he realized, however, that Zoro didn't pity him; he simply had nothing worth saying. Which was fine for him, because he didn't want any words at the moment, just an ear. His death grip on the sink loosened a bit and the blood started flowing back to his white knuckles.

_So I floated around in that empty place for awhile; like I said, it felt like years to me. I was begging for death, _he admitted sourly. _REAL death, to be in that light and forget human things like loneliness. But that tug was still there, and I couldn't break it. And then… _He actually brightened a little, and laughed. _And then all of a sudden a different light, not the one I'd been trying to get to, blinded me, and the next thing I saw was… _

In the middle of this very serious conversation, Sanji suddenly got the goofiest of lovesick looks on his face and giggled like an idiot. _All I saw was beautiful girls in bikinis _everywhere_!!! I was sure I'd finally made it to the light and was in heaven! Except Nami-swan and Robin-chwan and Vivi-chwan were all there, so that couldn't be true… Ah! Mellorine!_

Zoro felt his nonexistent eyebrow twitch. _How do I bear to be seen with you? In _public_!?!_

Sanji plummeted straight back to earth. _Shithead._ He sobered up, the haunted look creeping back into his weary eyes. _I heard a voice, too, calling my name, but I didn't get a chance to answer. The dream faded away, leaving me alone in the dark again._

Zoro tensed (in a sense). To think he had been so close even then, and hadn't been able to get to him… It made him feel like he had failed, in a way.

_Sometime after that, I heard the voice calling me again. I heard something about breakfast… _He scowled. _And you called me an asshole. You were trying to convince me to cook, though, and the tug was stronger… Then… _His scowl turned into a satisfied smirk. _You said "please."_

Zoro mentally grimaced. _Yeah, well…_

Sanji took a moment to enjoy the other's embarrassment. _After that the tug was really strong, and I stopped fighting it and started going _toward_ it, because I knew it was you, and you were trying to get me to come back. _

_The voices all silenced for awhile, and I was just swimming around in the black, following the tug. Then… _A lighthearted laugh this time. _I heard our dear captain begging for meat._

_I thought you said Robin brought you back, _Zoro said skeptically.

_Well, it was kind of weird. I was still in the dark, but I could hear everyone all of a sudden. I heard Nami-san telling Luffy asking for meat wasn't nice, and I heard Chopper say I yelled at everyone, _he continued, the last part taking a defensive tone. _And Usopp felt guilty. But I still couldn't feel anything other than the usual tug. And then Robin-chan… And Nami-san… Oh, mellorine…_

It took quiet a bit to get Sanji to snap out of it this time, considering he was now in a lovesick fit over actual, physical affection. Finally he became serious again. _At that point I was starting to feel something again; the tug was a lot stronger, and suddenly glimpses of what was happening appeared, flashing in front of me. I saw Nami-san kiss me, and Luffy promising not to raid the fridge, and I was really starting to fight to get back._

_And then…_

Sanji stopped and took a deep, shuddering breath.

_And then the light from before, the one I'd been trying to get to… It suddenly grew and started coming toward me. I realized that my time was up; that I was going to… Going to _die_, finally, and I started fighting as hard as I could. I was screaming; screaming for Luffy, for you, for _anyone_, saying I don't want to die, I don't want to die, I DON'T WANT TO DIE!!!_

Sanji vaguely wondered when his head had ended up buried in the crook of his elbow on the edge of the sink, and why his sleeve was all wet, and why his shoulders were shaking so much.

Zoro, unsure exactly what to say or do, finally settled on keeping silent and letting the cook get it out. Whether he meant it to happen or not, he felt sympathetic, something that Sanji picked up on. He was a little worried that such feelings would upset him further, but somehow it actually calmed Sanji down, and Zoro realized that he needed support from his… _friend_ (he finally was forced to admit it aloud, relatively). And as weird and awkward as it was, he couldn't deny that he was glad Sanji was back, and he was willing to help him however he could.

After several minutes, Sanji trying to escape the memories of that dark place and Zoro being as supportive as he dared, the blond finally lifted his head and wiped off his face. Neither said anything about it as he concluded his tale.

_Then I heard you again. You said you refused to let me die… and some other stuff, too, but I couldn't catch all of it. But the last thing I _did_ catch… _Sanji smirked triumphantly. …_Was you saying you missed me. And then the tug gave one giant pull and suddenly I was back in my own body._

_Just peachy,_ thought Zoro sarcastically.

_And, much to my dismay, you are still here, too. You could've at least gone back to your own body, shitty marimo._

_If I'd done that, you'd be dead,_ he replied sourly. _And just so you know, I never said anything about missing you. That was your imagination._

_Suuure it was._

Zoro mentally scowled while Sanji laughed at his expense.

_I guess… Thank you, _the cook finally thought after the laughter subsided. _If you hadn't been tethering me here…_

_Tch. Idiot. Just proves you can't do anything yourself._

_Shithead._

_Asshole. Hey, that reminds me; I have to kick your ass!_

_What!?! What for?_

_For being a moron and dieing!_

_Go ahead and try, marimo. Oh, that's right; you're just floating around in my body, at my mercy._

Once again, Zoro simply couldn't resist. _That's what she said._

For a moment Sanji was livid, but it quickly melted into amusement. Suddenly, both were laughing uproariously in the galley, one only in Sanji's mind, of course.

_Aw, damn,_ said Sanji when they calmed back down. _We're getting along again._

_Ugh, you're right. _

_I'm going to need _so _much therapy._

_You _already _need therapy._

_Shithead._

_Asshole._

_Marimo._

_Dartboard eyebrow._

_I'll be glad when you're back in your own body._

_I'm glad you're back in _your _body._

Oh shit, had he just thought that?

…_Damn, you're doing it again._

_It's your pansy-ass brain's fault!_

_Pansy-ass? _You're _the one that got beat by a shitty kid!_

_You wanna piece of me?_

_Bring it!_

Zoro somehow managed to wrench control from Sanji. He kicked Sanji's leg vertically, as though to kick himself.

Somehow, he actually managed it, Sanji's knee slamming into the base of his throat and sending him crashing to the floor.

Sanji was back in control immediately. _Ow! You shitty bastard! What the hell was that for!?!_

_Whoa. I didn't know you could do that._

_DON'T BE IMPRESSED!!!_

_Well, you _did _tell me to bring it…_

_Shithead._

…_You okay?_

Sanji rubbed the base of his neck. A bruise would probably form, but there wasn't any serious damage. _Yeah, I think so._

…_Damn._

_Shithead, _Sanji repeated.

Zoro listened to the rest of Sanji's cussing session with mild amusement. This was what he was used to, this was what he had missed. But it was back now, and no bounty hunter or marine or anyone else was taking it away, he'd make damn sure of that.

* * *

"ISLAND!!!"

The whole ship jumped in excitement at Usopp's call, coming at around noon the next day. They rushed to the rail excitedly, Sanji the first to arrive.

"Nami! This is where Zoro is, right?" asked Luffy, leaning out as far as possible on the rail to peer out at the small island that was a mere bump on the horizon without falling into the ocean.

Things had been as normal as they ever got on the _Merry_ since Sanji had come back, save the missing swordsman, but that was hopefully soon to be righted. Luffy was once again his typical cheerful self, looking forward to the next adventure.

"Well, it's where the marine base is," she explained, joining them (and rewarding the resulting noodle-ing with a smile, as she had been trying to be nice to Sanji lately). The others crowded around, save Usopp in the crow's nest.

"Do you think the bounty hunters still have Zoro?" asked Chopper, standing on tiptoe to see over the rail and squint out at the island.

"They've probably taken him to the marines by now for their reward," answered Robin. "We may find only a corpse for Swordsman-san to return to."

_Gee, that's comforting._

_Shithead! Don't think to Robin-chan in such a tone!_

_Not like she can hear me anyway._

I _can hear you, marimo._

…_And your point is…?_

…_Bastard._

"He's not dead," said Luffy confidently. "We'll just break into the marine base and get him back!"

"Luffy, please say we aren't going to just barge in and force everything to go our way like usual, getting ourselves into dangerous situations and barely escaping with our lives?" begged Usopp hesitantly from the crow's nest.

"Huh? But if I said that it would be a lie," Luffy said simply, picking his nose.

"Gah! Oh no! My I-cannot-go-to-this-island disease is acting up again!"

"Oh no! Usopp! Doctor! Oh, that's me."

"Perhaps we should do a little reconnaissance on the marine base," suggested Robin. "Just so we can confirm that they are our target. One of our non-wanted members could slip in and inquire if Swordsman-san has been brought in."

"As expected from onee-san!" cheered Nami. "A great plan!"

Luffy pouted. "But can't I just go in and-"

"No "buts," Luffy!" ordered the navigator fiercely. "We'll go with Robin's plan."

"But Naaa-miii-"

A foot landing square on his straw hat ended all argument. "You'll do what the ladies say, dumbass, and deal with it."

…_I never really thought about, but we're probably the worst crew for committing mutiny. _

_Who asked you!?!_

"Now, who's going to be the one sneaking into the base?" asked Nami.

"It would have to be someone really good at deceiving people," said Robin slowly.

Nami's eyes flickered up at the crow's nest and Sanji smirked. "Someone who doesn't seem to be a threat," he added.

"Someone who has lying in their blood," Nami concluded. "Or better yet, in their _name_."

Zoro laughed in Sanji's head.

Up in the crow's nest Usopp felt the sweat rolling down his back in fright. "Uh, guys, I feel my I-can't-be-part-of-this-plan disease starting back up again. Guys? Guys!?!"

* * *

Sending up his four hundred and seven thousand, nine hundred and thirteenth prayer that he would not be recognized, maimed, or killed, Usopp walked tentatively into the marine base. Just being inside sent all his sweat glands into overdrive, so much so that he was sure there was a rapidly growing puddle at his feet. Trying to appear as inconspicuous as possible, he moved deeper into what appeared to be a lobby, with several desks set up.

He froze when he saw a familiar face, or rather, a _very _familiar face and three not so familiar but certainly recognizable faces.

"Are you sure sixty million is all you're willing to offer, aha?" asked Touchstone. He may have been angry, but with his typical boring voice it was hard to tell.

Usopp, thanks to quick thinking, did the only sensible thing and jumped behind a potted plant to better hid- er, observe the scene.

Touchstone, the creepy boy Damian, and the hostess Thalia all stood there with angry expressions (okay, so Thalia looked angry, Touchstone looked apathetic, and Damian just… smiled), a silent and slightly drooling Zoro beside them.

"That's what's on the wanted poster," the flustered marine at the desk told them, his eyes darting in fear between the murderous looking girl and the scary swordsman, who didn't appear to be captured at all and could easily pinch off his head between his thumb and forefinger.

"He'd be worth more to me if I kept him on my crew, aha," said Touchstone in what could be considered a testy tone.

"I'm sorry, sir, but I'm afraid harboring pirates is a… capital… offense…" He ended the statement in a light squeak, the girl leaning toward him until she was glowering right in his face.

"MY BOSS WANTS MORE MONEY, MORON!!!" she bellowed. The marine visibly gulped and shrunk as far back into his chair as he could manage, while Thalia rocked back on her heels and pouted cutely.

"Okay, okay," he said weakly. "How does eighty million sound?"

"I want at least one hundred, aha."

"I'm afraid I can't offer that."

"Then I'll take my new slave elsewhere, aha."

The three turned to leave (Usopp ducked and cowered as close to the floor behind the plant as he could get), dragging Zoro with them. The marine paled visibly before finally holding out his arm.

"Wait! Okay, fine, take the hundred million!"

"Aha?" asked Touchstone, turning back around.

"You'll just have to come with me and have a word with my captain," the poor marine said in defeat. "They," he indicated some other marines standing on the fringes of the room, "will take him to his cell."

"Ah, ah, aha," said Touchstone, wagging one finger. "No body until we get our money."

The marine sighed. "Very well."

And with that he led the four people off into the deeper reaches of the base.

Usopp waited until they were long gone before finally emerging from his hiding plac- er, surveillance point. He stared after them for a moment before turning for the door… and coming face to face with a marine.

"Um sir," said the marine, suspicious. "Can I help you?"

"Um… I was just… looking for the bathroom," he excused quickly.

The young private raised an eyebrow. "Behind the fichus?"

"…It looked like it needed to be watered."

The marine decided not to ask any more questions and escorted Usopp from the building.

* * *

"O-one… h-h-hundred… million…?" Nami repeated slowly.

"That's what they agreed to," said Usopp with a nod.

"There's no way this shithead is worth that much," Sanji spat.

_You're just jealous because you don't have a bounty at all._

_Shut up! I'll have one soon, higher than yours could ever hope to be!_

"Hahaha!" Luffy smacked Sanji on the back. "Good going, Zoro! Our bounties are the same!"

"The marines here must be rather desperate to catch a notorious pirate if they're willing to pay that much over his bounty," observed Robin.

"One… hundred… million…" was all Nami contributed.

"So Nami, about the infiltration plan, I was thinking-"

Usopp was abruptly cut off as Nami waved a hand in his face. "I have a new plan!" she announced. Then she turned very seriously to her captain. "Luffy, listen carefully." She grabbed one of his ears and stretched his face to her. "I mean, _really _carefully."

"Oway, Nawi," he managed with his stretched mouth.

"Luffy, what I want you to do is very simple: go in, break everything, and bring me back that one hundred million!"

"WHAT!?!" cried both Usopp and Chopper.

Zoro mentally rolled his eyes. _Greedy bitch._

_Shitty marimo! Don't talk about Nami-swan that way!_

"Buw wha' awouw Zowo?"

"Oh, you can save him, too. But the important thing right now is my hundred million beri!"

Usopp mumbled something about his crewmates always missing the point.

"Do you understand?"

"Yowsh."

"Good." She let his face snap back into place and looked around at the others. "Okay, let's go!"

"Yosh!" yelled Luffy, louder this time now that he had full control of his face. "Sanji, Zoro, you guys will find Zoro's body. The rest of us will break everything!"

"And get that hundred million!"

"And get that hundred million!"

"Aye aye!"

* * *

Touchstone's group and their marine guide had reached the end of a long hallway, sloping down, when they heard the ruckus of the invaders above.

"What the hell is that?" wondered the marine aloud, looking up.

A sudden yell answered their questions: "ZOOOROOO!!!"

"It's the pirates come for their nakama yet again, aha," said Touchstone, unconcerned (we assume). "They've tried and failed once already, aha."

"But he's totally obedient to your will, right?" asked the marine, eyeing the swordsman nervously.

"Yes, of course, aha. In face, I believe a little demonstration is in order, aha. Zoro, see to the intruders, aha."

Zoro gave him a blank stare for a moment, then walked in his awkward gate up the sloping hallway. The others watched until he disappeared into a large chamber ahead, then turned back to their guide. "So, about that hundred million, aha…"

* * *

Luffy was happily tearing (literally) through the base, Chopper and Usopp following tentatively after him. Robin and Nami had split up to look for treasure, and now Sanji and Zoro were alone, looking anywhere that might be a likely place to hide a swordsman.

_Are you ready this time, cook?_

_Shithead. Of course I am._

_So you're not going to freeze?_

Sanji gritted his teeth in determination. _No._

_Good._

They ran down corridor after corridor, Sanji growing increasingly frustrated. _You must be seriously affecting my brain; I'm hopelessly lost._

_What? I never get lost. It's everything else that moves._

…_I honestly have no retort for that._

_Of course you don't, curlybrow._

Sanji just sighed and kept searching. Surely he would find him, somehow, somewhere…

A dark hall that he had missed the first time around caught his eye, and he stopped and peered down it. It was sloping, leading underground.

_Down there?_ he suggested.

_Worth a shot. Afraid of the dark?_

_You wish, shitty marimo._

Sanji hurried down the hallway, picking up momentum thanks to the slope. He was soon hurtling along until he reached a doorway opening into a large, high-ceilinged chamber.

Upon reaching it he skid to a stop, a figure just barely visible in the gloom. Zoro peered at it through Sanji's vision and smirked (mentally).

_Oi, there I am. Perfect, eh, ero-cook? …Cook?_

Sanji was still standing there, staring in shock at Zoro, the man who had so recently saved his life, standing in the center of the room, swords drawn.

_Hey, now would be a great time to start attacking, you know._

Sanji stayed rooted to the spot, brain nearly shutting down, as Zoro's body began its first attack.

_Sanji? … Aw, damn._

**Chapter 7 End**

* * *

A/N: Uh-oh…

_After a long nap he had fixed supper…_

In case you don't remember, he came back at 2 in the morning. I figured he could use the sleep, especially since I never took into account that he was strangled and drowned (Rifugio's fic "That's Not My Name" reminded me… eh heh heh).

…_then took a long drag and blew some smoke rings. _

I just want to take a moment to say, when did Sanji learn to make smoke in the shape of a whale!?! I know, I know, dramatic effect… Still, it was pretty impressive.

_He couldn't think of a more awkward way to phrase something._

Except, you know, for the way I worded this sentence, which got three rewrites and still doesn't look good.

_DON'T BE IMPRESSED!!!_

Typically something being yelled at Luffy, but, well, I thought it was funny.

…_onee-san!"_

Older sister. Except in my Japanese book (I got one today!!!) it's just nesan, but I've seen it both ways.

…_I never really thought about, but we're probably the worst crew for committing mutiny._

Because everyone (well, Sanji and Nami, mostly) has gone against his orders before, and EVERYONE (except Robin, I think) has called him an idiot or some similar such and such before, all of which could be considered mutiny. Of course, Usopp was the only to ever TRULY question his leadership.

"_Or better yet, in their name."_

For my dub fans, "uso" means "lie" in Japanese.

"_Behind the fichus?"_

My computer's swearing up and down that's how it's spelled, but I think it looks funny.

_Shut up! I'll have one soon, higher than yours could ever hope to be!_

Well, at least he got to dream for awhile. O.O

_Usopp mumbled something about his crewmates always missing the point._

Food, Nami, and shadows! Yep, that's the way we rank things around here. ^^

See ya next time!

With a big bruise from trying to brain herself with the desk, this is Dandy Wonderous, signing off.


	8. If You Have Nothing Nice to Say

I should be shot for making you guys wait so long, I'm sure.

I'm so sorry!!! *bows* You may maim me later. Hopefully this chapter was worth the wait. I think it's the longest in the story so far…

This chapter is, for all intents and purposes, the last _real_ chapter of this story. Chapter 9 is just to tie things up once and for all, and it will come out at the same time as the extras (hopefully later this week or early next week, before school starts). **I have lots of ideas for the extras, but it there are any alternate scenes or things you want to see that you can think of, tell me! By the way, Sanji **_**will**_** be in Zoro's body for part of it. XP** Some other fun stuff is going to happen, too, including the alternate ending (it doesn't really _have_ to be the alternate ending, I just don't want to end the story that way).

**Reader Review Corner!!**

ChronosNumberVII: Yep. It sounds like the kind of naming I would do (no offense to Oda-san). It's almost like Usopp's whole existence is a joke (like this girl I know whose initials are HAA; XP). Who knows? But it was Sanji, so I'm sure he could if he wanted to. XD

Akisha Icie: Aw, thanks! ^^

Things24: I'm glad I'm not the only one. XP Haha, I love when he says that! ^^

Blue Haven: Of course! They were having an off day (XP). It seemed like something Zoro would do. I know, but I love her for it! ^^ Oh, I wouldn't want to be, either. I'd be like, "Please, take my wallet! Don't kill me!" XD Only a little. You know they'd never really overthrow Luffy. Nah, I'm over it. On to the next victim! Er, I mean, boy… Heh heh. ^^ Yep, hope you'll like it! Oo, that makes me feel special! And I was going to write "The Root" first, but I'm having better luck with ideas for the kid idea (which really needs a better title, I think), so it may come first, but "Kiss Kiss" has to get written before all of that.

Asura: Thanks! True, it would be counterproductive. Yes! Brooke is awesome! Oh, I'm sure it will. Or better yet, Bill AND Sanji; he wouldn't stand a chance! ^^

Grace121: Sorry! -_- I typically hate cliffies, myself, but they are sometimes necessary. Thank you!

Sandy Toes: Aw, thanks! ^^

Sunayoko: You got it! ^^ Cool, that wasn't too far-fetched. However much Zoro demands, of course; "Yes, right away, Roronoa-san!"

Daschel: Very random whim of mine, but it got a great response. I'm glad you liked it! I know! He must focus! I'm sorry it took so long, but I hope you enjoy this! During Brooke's flashbacks, when the others are remembering meeting Laboon, Sanji blows a smoke ring that turns into a whale. I was like, "Whoa, Sanji's magic!!!" XP

IzumiTheMoogle: Of course! Everyone should see it! ^^ Yes, he is indeed. Or I make him that way, anyway. *pats head* Oh yeah, I love writing Usopp even though I don't do it much. Thanks!!!

Three-days-late: I thought it might be. ^^ I wanted to hug him, too. Yay, I'm glad you liked it! Yay for puns! Really? I did not know that. The only book with pirates I've ever read (_The True Adventures of Charlotte Doyle_ by Avi; I've read it twice, it's so good!), if you went against the captain you got shot in the head. I guess you learn something new everyday. ^^ Okay, cool, thanks!

SmileyDJingles: Really? Thanks!!! ^^

Asagiri: I thought so, anyway. ^^ I'm glad you liked it! Yes, that line's been a huge success; glad you thought it was funny! Luffy does, indeed. Just a little. XP Thanks! Oh, and thanks for the whole dying, dieing thing. It's because "dieing" isn't a misspelled word because it means to cut in a certain pattern, like with a die cut, and I just didn't know that. It was my fault for blindly trusting spellcheck. Yeah, spoilers are annoying. Luckily, I'm working on catching up on the manga so I don't have to worry about it for much longer. Haha, I told everyone I knew that Harry died in the last HP book. It was fun! ^^ I would even tell them a page number. XP I ramble, too, it's okay!

Nami: Really? Well, aren't you the hero! Cheers for you! Hope you like this!

Ecklishia: Aw, thankies!!! Really? I'm glad you liked it so much! I wanted to give him a hug while I was writing it, yep. Yeah, he is stubborn; they both are. Stupid men. XP Thanks! I dunno, but I think it's because I have no life. XD Hope you enjoy!

CrazyChibiSama: Indeed he is. XP I'm glad you liked it! Thanks, I love thumbs up! (nerd who does it all the time)

Nice: Thanks! I'm glad the sappiness was excused, then (I like sap… sigh…). Of course, she doesn't care about much more than money. XP Hope you enjoy!

Santoryuu-Zoro: Hey, that makes me feel like I've accomplished something! Thanks! I know; I'm gonna be a seventy year old women making "that's what she said" jokes. XP Glad you liked it! I love whenever the crew is impressed over something they shouldn't be. XD Yeah, that's a good one. ^^ Or more like, Zoro would glare at Luffy, say, "You woke me up for that?" and then jump anyway. ^^ It's very true, though; they're more loyal than probably anyone else, for all the fighting. Thanks for the help!

Kitsuneluvah: Sorry! Here's the rest; it's not a cliffy! Thanks! Oh good, I'm glad! Haha, good. ^^

Silver Child of the Sea: Thanks! I'm glad it was good. No, not dead, not at all. ^^ Cough, cough… maybe getting more into this than me… (author fail). But anyway… Hope you enjoy! ^^

Silverchild of the winds: Thanks! And he didn't try, he succeeded. It was a win! Or a fail… Hard to call, really. XP

Dancing Nightmare: That's what she said. (XP) He is, though. Me too! Everyone, hugs for Sanji!!! Enjoy this!

Abra Cadaverous: 1) They better have white chocolate and macadamia nuts! Yay, I won't die today! 2) That was a computer fail, then. XP

Dalia76: Of course not; they all love Luffy! ^^ I'm glad! Sorry, but here it is!

Eli t. rick: I'm glad!

ON TO THE FIC!!! ROAR!

**

* * *

**

Room for Two

By Dandy Wonderous

Chapter 8:

In Which Zoro Really Pisses Sanji Off

He wasn't moving.

He really _wasn't moving_. Not an inch.

Zoro couldn't remember being more annoyed with the cook than he was at this moment. Not even the time the bastard "accidentally" washed all his white shirts with some of Nami's red ones could top this.

_Damn it, cook! We just talked about this!_

That seemed to snap Sanji out of it, at least enough to dodge Zoro's body's first attack. _I know that, damn it, I know!_

_Then what the hell are you _doing_!?!_

Sanji leapt nimbly across the large room, out of range of the swordsman. Of course, some of Zoro's attacks had the irritating ability to slice through the air. Add the fact that Sanji was a close range fighter, and see that this was _not_ the ideal offensive position.

_I just… I can't do it…_ Sanji admitted, sounding humiliated.

_Why not? You have no problem with trying to kick the shit out of me most days._

Sanji continued to dodge, still with no apparent intention to launch an attack of his own. _Yeah, but then I'm mad at you._

_And you're not mad at me now?_

_You haven't given me a reason to be._

_You need a _reason_!?! I don't know why you're attacking me half the time!_

_There's always a reason then, _he thought defensively.

_Such as?_

_Leaving your weights laying around where people can trip on them. Or more likely your own carcass. Being insulting to the women. Or just being generally annoying._

_Just now I almost took off your right arm; how is that _not _annoying!?!_

Sanji ducked away, left hand gripping his right shoulder, which had been nicked by one of Zoro's swords. Blood began slowly staining his suit jacket.

_This is completely different._

_How?_

_Because all those times I was just pissed off at you. We were just bouncing attacks off each other in anger._

_And…?_

_And this time, your body is really trying to kill me. Which means I'm going to have to fight like I really want to kill you. _He stomped the floor in frustration, cracking a few tiles. _And I just can't do that! Not with you like this. Not after you…_

Zoro cursed his bad luck. Sanji was way too worked up about this whole "saving his life" thing; if anyone had a reason to be upset at the moment, it was Zoro, for all he went through after the cook's almost death.

_Damn it, Sanji… _If Zoro was going to get Sanji to attack him, he was going to have to get him to forget that dark place he had been in, and how Zoro had been the only thing keeping him from fading away completely. The only way he could see to do that would be to…

And once again, Zoro smirked because he knew exactly what to do. And it would be easy, too.

Because if there was anything Roronoa Zoro was good at (aside from sword fighting), it was getting Sanji to fly into a blind rage.

* * *

"They're down that corridor, Navigator-san," said Robin, opening her eyes and uncrossing her arms.

Nami nodded excitedly. "Great! That must be where the safe is!"

Robin smiled at the younger woman and started down the hall with her. "Should we wait for the others?"

"Nah, I think Luffy's causing enough of a distraction, so we'll only have the ones down there to deal with, and I'm sure you can take care of them."

"Very well then."

They ran down the hall for a bit, crashes, bangs, and shouting echoing from across the base in the background. It was obvious that the boys were giving the marines a hell of a time.

They had almost reached the end of the hallway when suddenly a form appeared in front of them. It was a woman, one they had definitely seen before.

"You're one of the bounty hunters!" Nami realized angrily.

"Yep," she replied with a smirk. Thalia took a few steps toward the two pirates, bazooka poised on her shoulder.

"Out of my way!" Nami demanded. "I need to get to the end of this hall!"

"Let me think about that. Hmm…" She tapped her chin in a mock thoughtful manner. "Eh… no." Then she made to fire the weapon.

Nothing happened.

Two hands had sprouted from the bazooka's sides, holding her hand away from the trigger. Robin grinned from behind her crossed arms. "Dos Fleur."

"Huh?" Thalia looked up at her bazooka, and then her face visibly paled. "Aah! What the heck are those!?!"

"They're a problem," said Nami, and Thalia looked back at her in confusion. "But there's a bigger problem on the way."

Thalia watched as she spun pieces of a strange rod around somewhat like a baton twirler. "What _is_ that?"

Nami didn't answer her question, instead watching the progress of her cool and heat balls. "The weather for today is rainy. Be on the look out for thunderstorms."

"What?" The bounty hunter had a look on her face that clearly showed she thought Nami was crazy.

Again, Nami ignored her and sent a charge of electricity flying into the small cloud above Thalia's head. "Thunderbolt Tempo!"

"THUNDER CAN'T STRIKE INSIDE, MOR-"

ZAP!!!

Nami stepped neatly over the still crackling girl on the floor, followed by Robin. "The money's this way; come on!"

Robin just laughed and chased after her friend.

_

* * *

_

Well, I can't say I didn't expect this.

Sanji blocked a sword with his shoe and pulled back a few feet. _What was that, shithead?_

_I should have known you wouldn't be able to do it. You're a pansy-ass, after all._

_The hell?_

_Your eyebrow gave you away. Guys with curly eyebrows are _always_ pansies._

Sanji was obviously confused, but he still wasn't attacking. _Shitty marimo! What the hell are you-_

_Yeah, _definitely_ the eyebrows. I mean, it's not like they're saying you're _straight_, or anything…_

_Why, you shithead, I'll murder you! _Despite the anger in Sanji's tone, he still wasn't furious like Zoro needed him to be. He was more confused by this sudden attack than anything, but Zoro kept his thoughts guarded and wouldn't let him see what he was planning.

_But then, I forgot; you're too big of a pervert to be gay. I mean, you drool over the girls like a dog. That's not very attractive, you know._

Sanji blocked a thrust from Zoro's body, and the swordsman's soul was pleased when he was a hair more forceful than for the last few.

_I don't really get why you do it, either, _Zoro continued mercilessly. _Nami the witch uses you like a handkerchief; useful only to blow snot on but too convenient to throw away. _He was proud of himself for that one; it was poetic. _And you know you'll never have a snowball's chance with Robin._

_She isn't… She doesn't… They don't… I'm not… _Sanji was too flustered to think straight. He jumped back from an Oni Giri that came rather close and cracked more tile when he forcefully rebounded.

But he _still wasn't attacking_!

He was mad, sure, but still not in a murderous rage. Zoro would have to get more personal.

He dug through all his memories of the cook, trying to find the things that would piss him off the most. There were lots of things that would irritate him enough to throw a kick at normal Zoro, but he would really have to strike some nerves for this one.

_Speaking of eyebrows, dartboard, I had quite a time with yours while you were dead._

Sanji was so thrown off by the turn of the conversation (if Zoro's increasingly brutal string of verbal abuse could be labeled such) that he didn't block a strike from the puppet swordsman, a stain on his left arm matching the one on his right shoulder. Air hissed through his teeth and he jumped back a few feet.

_You wouldn't dare!_

_Too bad, cook. I showed them all, every single one._

The wave of betrayal that swept over Sanji almost made Zoro back down from his plan and admit that he hadn't broken his promise at all. But he stayed strong, mental demeanor as cold and indifferent as his usual physical one, and continued.

_Luffy, Usopp, and Chopper all thought it was hilarious, of course. It took hours for them to calm down. Robin didn't even bother to hide her laughter. And your precious Nami-san couldn't look at your body without breaking into a giggling fit all day. She probably still can't, she's just better at hiding it now. And when I told them about your unibrow… _He mentally smirked as he put on his best Nami imitation, which was leaps and bounds better than it would have been if he'd actually had to talk out loud like her. _"Oh, I don't ever think I can look at Sanji-kun the same way again! Men with unibrows are _not_ sexy!"_

Zoro may have been able to keep his thoughts guarded, but Sanji had no such luck. He was livid that Zoro would break his promise (the desired reaction), but also humiliated that the crew now knew his secret. And there was hurt there, too, and Zoro realized that the idea of his closest friends, people he trusted with his life, making fun of something he was so ashamed of _while he was dead_ was a really low blow. The swordsman hated himself for this; even when dealing with the cook, there were things that were simply too cruel to be said.

Sanji actually kicked back at Zoro's body, trying to gain an offensive. Now Zoro was the one blocking and ducking, but the disembodied soul saw quickly that it was now just a stalemate, like the ones they would have so often for stress relief and fun on the ship, only with more force and murderous intent. He would have to push Sanji just a little bit further over the edge, and hope that he would forgive him after the fall.

_No wonder that old man kicked you out. I wouldn't want a weakling like you around, either._

Zoro hated himself already. What he was about to say he would never before have dreamt of saying, simply because it wasn't true. Roronoa Zoro didn't lie, and he certainly wouldn't lie to his nakama, especially when he knew it would cut so deeply. He would rather beat his body senseless himself then say it, but that wouldn't accomplish anything, and Zoro was just as much a man who got things done as a man who didn't lie.

_What that aha-freak said was right; you _are_ too weak to help your nakama. _I _saved Chopper, not you. You didn't even know he was in trouble. You couldn't even destroy those cannons that were attacking your witch woman. You died by something as pathetic as suffocation and drowning, didn't even go down fighting. And now you can't beat me even though it's just a pale imitation._

By this point Sanji's thoughts were so enraged and hurt that he wasn't thinking real words, just feeling. Zoro had to fight back satisfaction when red seemed to cloud their vision and Sanji put all the force he had into a flurry of kicks that the body could barely block while still standing.

But Sanji wasn't done yet. He flipped onto his hands, not even bothering with attack names as he threw a few kicks towards Zoro's stomach. The crush of the blowssent the swordsman staggering back, trying to regain his balance. Sanji took the opportunity to hop back on his feet and get a good swing.

_You marimo bastard._

And then Sanji's dress shoe was slamming into Zoro's ribs at light speed, so hard that he went flying back into the wall, landing with a loud boom that rattled the base, leaving in its wake a large crater and raining plaster.

Neither noticed; they were both immediately unconscious.

* * *

A teal light rose slowly from the blonde's unconscious body. It wavered for a second in the air, then seemed to bulge and bubble before finally separating into two different colors.

The green and the blue floated for a moment, revolving around each other. Then the blue seemed to make a motion toward the other body, the one laying in the hole in the wall, and the green began drifting toward it. The blue sank back down low to the ground next to the blond, waiting for the green to cross the room. Once it did, it settled slowly back into its rightful body.

Satisfied, the blue did the same.

* * *

At the end of the hall, the nervous marine stood fiddling with the lock while Touchstone and Damian looked on warningly. He stopped when a huge boom shook the entire building.

"That… didn't sound good," he observed, taking the distraction to rub his profusely sweating palms against his pants. "You're sure that Roronoa guy is under your control?"

"He's stalling," Damian observed, standing on tiptoe by the marine to bring his creepy smile ever closer to the man's face.

He took a small step away from the strange boy. "St-stalling? N-no, of course not!"

"Then get the safe open, aha," Touchstone demanded passively.

"Well, it's a little tricky, you have to give it… time…" The boy's teeth were only inches away now, and he gulped.

"Five seconds is an amount of time," the boy pointed out, and the marine flinched.

"Well, yes, but-"

"Do you really want to know what happens after those five seconds?"

"N-no, I'd rather not…"

"Then get this safe open!" Damian hopped back from him, the creepy smile gaining a menacing edge.

Obediently the marine went back to work, fumbling even more now that his fingers were panicking.

"Thank you, kind sir, aha," said Touchstone.

The tumblers clicked a second later (the marine had been truly afraid of that five second time limit) and he was about to open it when a small, sparking ball flew from nowhere and zapped him. He fell to the ground, twitching unprofessionally.

Damian and Touchstone looked at each other, then at the doorway where two women were standing, one with her arms crossed, the other brandishing a long pole.

"Thank you so much for opening that safe for us," the redhead said sweetly. "We'll be taking that hundred million now."

"Oh yeah?" sneered Damian. "You and what army?"

As though on cue, a hole was busted in the wall next to them, coating them in dust and plaster.

"Luffy!" cried Nami once the smoke cleared and she had stopped coughing.

Said captain was standing in the new doorway he had created, scratching his head and looking confused. "Huh? When did I get down here? I thought this was the kitchen!" He started to turn around and leave when Nami's shout made him stop and look back. "Oi, Nami! Were you looking for the kitchen, too?"

"Moron!" she snapped. "This is where the treasure is!"

Luffy looked around, perplexed, at Nami and Robin, and then at the safe, and then at the three men, one still twitching and groaning. He pointed at the two still standing.

"Oi! You're the ones who took Zoro!"

"Oh dear, aha," said Touchstone, who had hoped not to have to deal with Luffy himself.

"I'll take care of him, boss!" cried Damian. He stepped forward. "Soul Extrac-"

A small, fuzzy form jumped out from behind Luffy, quickly changing into a very large (yet still fuzzy) form as it launched itself at the boy. "Heavy Point!"

Luffy laughed while a few punches from Chopper finally wiped the smile off Damian's unconscious face. "Good job, Chopper!"

The reindeer was immediately back in Brain Point, dancing in happy embarrassment. "It was nothing, asshole, your praise doesn't make me happy!"

"Oi, Luffy! That one's getting away!" yelled Usopp, peeking around the side of the hole.

"Huh?" Luffy looked over to discover Touchstone trying to slink past the girls while they were distracted. He started to stretch out for the man, but he gave a frightened, "Aha!" and shoved past the girls, disappearing down the hallway with an undignified shriek. Luffy made a face and started to go after him, but Nami halted him and moved to leer at the poor marine.

"Forget him, Luffy. Now, about that beri…"

* * *

Sanji's first thought was that it was quiet.

His brain hadn't been this quiet in days.

For a panicked second he stared at the back of his eyelids and was sure he was back _there_, again, all alone in the dark and the cold. Then it all came rushing back to him; the crew and his return, landing on the island, attacking the base, and then finding Zoro's body again. He remembered freezing up, and then…

_That bastard._

He kicked the rough tiled floor with one foot, not hard enough to do much. He felt strangely drained of energy, like he had just run several miles in a dead sprint or fought an entire platoon of marines all alone. His arms throbbed especially, and he moved one experimentally only to have pain lance up and down the limb and through his chest. Well, at least he knew for sure he was still alive.

_Oi, shithead! Wake up!_

There was no reply save the signals of pain from his shoulder and his own confused thoughts.

Quiet.

Blue eyes snapped open to stare up at the dark ceiling of the chamber, relief washing into his every pore. He had done it; Zoro was back in his own body!

Against his body's protest he got into a sitting position and looked around the room for the swordsman. Sure enough, he was sitting in a large hole in the wall, head lolling to one side. Sanji took a moment to appreciate the image; it wasn't every day he would have a legitimate reason to beat the crap out of him like that.

The more he stared, though, the more he worried that maybe, just maybe, he had overdone it a tad. Especially since the marimo didn't seem to be moving at all.

Sanji pushed himself to his feet, staggering a little as he straightened. Once he had regained his balance he walked over to Zoro, forcing himself to be casual even as his body begged him to run. He couldn't shake the strange feeling that he had screwed up, that he had somehow managed to break that thick skull, or maybe that Zoro hadn't gotten back into his body at all, but had drifted off into the abyss…

He squashed that train of thought like a bug, gritting his teeth. Of course Zoro was okay; he'd taken far harder hits before. There wasn't any way he had really hurt him. It was all his imagination.

He leaned against the wall, again with faked casualness, staring down at the swordsman. He half expected him to wake up and start cussing him out, half expected him to wake up and start attacking, and, with a disproportionate number of halves, half expected him to not wake up at all.

Sanji was just about to get really worried and go find Chopper when Zoro snored loudly from his spot atop the rubble.

The cook breathed a sigh of relief, leaning his head back against the cool wall, eyes closed. _So the bastard's okay after all. Idiot._

He started to lean down and wake Zoro up, but thought better about it and took out a smoke first instead, to bring back the color to his pale face. _Oh sweet nicotine, carry away my troubles…_

After he had been sufficiently calmed, he reached his foot over and kicked Zoro lightly. Shaking him might have been better, but Sanji barely had the strength in them at the moment to hold his cigarette. So he kicked and prodded and said, "Oi, shitty swordsman," over and over until finally Zoro's eyelid cracked open to glare at him.

"What do you want, ero-cook?" Zoro demanded, staring at him blearily. Then he opened his other eye and blinked a few times. They then widened and he sat up in shock. "Holy shit, I can see your face!"

"Look at that; I think he might actually have a brain after all!" Sanji smirked and sank down the wall to sit next to the rubble.

Zoro was a bit too preoccupied to make a comeback. He got to his feet, wincing a little as he did so, then twisted to examine himself. He was all in one piece, as were his swords. With a satisfied nod, he walked around and sat down next to the blond.

They sat there in silence for a moment, Sanji smoking and Zoro examining his legs and arms. As the cigarette burned down low Zoro finally leaned back, satisfied, and closed his eyes. Then they opened again restlessly.

"Let me have one of those," he demanded.

"What?"

"A smoke. Hand one over!"

"Why?"

"Because I feel like I need one, damn it!" He looked angry and confused, and Sanji just glared back at him.

"That's all in your head. It'll go away soon." He snuffed out the butt on the ground and flicked it into the darkness.

Zoro watched it go with a mix of annoyance and longing. "I hope so. It really sucks to crave one."

"Your body's not addicted, so it should go away soon," Sanji reassured him. He knew the swordsman would hate him forever if he let him get addicted to nicotine and then got some lung disease. Sanji would have hated himself for that, too, but he wasn't going to say that.

"Good." The silence settled back over them until he groaned involuntarily.

Sanji smirked next to him, his eyes closed and his head leaning back against the wall. "I really did a number on your ribs, huh?"

"Tch. Not as much as I did to your arms."

"You wish. This is just a flesh wound; I _know_ I broke something!" He laughed, but it trailed off in defeat after only a few seconds. "Sorry about that."

"Sorry about your arms."

"Not your fault."

Zoro shrugged. For a second he examined Sanji, who looked exhausted, though they shouldn't have done near enough fighting to wipe him out. Of course, other things can tire a person.

"You know that was all bullshit, right? About being too weak and all that?"

He hesitated in answering, but then leaned his head up and nodded. "Yeah, I know." His head sank back to the wall again. "I had it coming, for freezing the way I did. Again." He spat the last word.

"…For the record, I probably would have, too."

"Like hell."

"I mean that."

Sanji looked at him and knew Zoro was telling the truth. He wouldn't have wanted to hurt the other, either.

"And I didn't really tell them about your eyebrow," he added.

Sanji laughed at that. "Oh, I knew that already. I trust you not to…" He trailed off, embarrassed. It had been far easier to talk like this back when none of the talking was out loud. "I trust you not to break a promise."

Zoro smirked. "Maybe you shouldn't."

"Probably not." He fell silent for so long Zoro thought perhaps he had gone to sleep, but then he spoke again. "How did they _really_ act when I was… gone?"

Zoro gritted his teeth. "I refuse to see them like that ever again."

Sanji smiled at that, a genuine smile this time. "Then we'll have to make sure they don't have a reason to."

"Damn straight."

"So how does it feel to be back in your body?"

Zoro put some thought into it. "It feels… different. Heavier, for one thing. Top-heavy."

"Lay off the sake and you won't have that beer belly."

"Asshole! You know that's not what I meant!"

Sanji just laughed loudly at his furious reaction.

"Bastard."

"Geez, I didn't know you were so worried about your weight, Zoro-kun," he added the honorific mockingly.

Zoro growled something unintelligible. A strange weariness was sweeping over him, and he understood how the chef felt. "It is weird, though," he said finally, watching his fingers curl into a fist. "All of a sudden I have control over all my movements. And it's…" He searched for the right word. "Quiet."

Sanji was tempted to make a crack about Zoro's intelligence, but the thought wasn't as entertaining as it should have been. So instead he said, "I felt the same way, when I woke up earlier."

"At least I don't have your dumb ero thoughts clogging up my brain anymore."

Sanji bristled. "Well, at least I don't have you putting me to sleep every five seconds!"

"It doesn't look like you need me for that," Zoro pointed out. Sanji's head was still leaning against the wall, eyes closed.

"I'm not tired."

Zoro smirked as Sanji yawned and then made an annoyed face.

"Let's find the others and get back to the ship, if you can walk. Do you need me to piggyback you?"

Sanji growled and got to his feet to stand next to Zoro. "Shitty marimo, I-"

A scream and the sound of frantic feet on the tile of the corridor cut him off. The two men turned to see a figure dashing toward them.

"Isn't that that Touchstone guy?" asked Zoro, eying him boredly.

"Yep, that's him." Sanji's eyes had narrowed, and he tapped one foot against the floor.

Zoro knew from the look on his face that Sanji was incredibly pissed about something, and whoever his ire was directed at was about to pay. He smirked and folded his arms, settling back to watch the show.

Touchstone arrived in the chamber, took one look at the standing and very much self-willed Zoro, then the furious blond next to him, and turned to run back the other way. He didn't get far before Sanji bounded forward and tripped him. With a quick kick he sent the man teetering back the other way, then spun around behind him.

"Anti-Manner Kick Course!"

With an agonized, "Ahaaa!" Touchstone went spinning up to crash through the roof and trail off into the sky.

Zoro whistled appreciatively, and Sanji scowled at the hole. "That's what he gets for calling me weak."

A second scream from further down the corridor cut the victory short, and he spun frantically on his heel. "That was Nami-san!" he cried worriedly, bringing the collar of his shirt up and biting on it in anxiety.

"She sounded… angry," Zoro observed. The scream had set all his "Nami found out I drank all the beer within two days of leaving port" senses tingling.

"She's in trouble!" Sanji continued to panic. All hints of weariness were erased as he took off in a dead sprint for the source of the scream. "Your prince is coming, Nami-swaaan!!!"

"Ero-cook… Wait up!" Zoro took four steps, longer strides than he usually used, and found himself laying face down on the tile.

Sanji stopped (or rather, starting running in place), looking over his shoulder. "Oi, marimo, what are you doing?"

"I'm still used to your damn long legs," he muttered, pushing himself to his feet.

Sanji laughed. "Maybe I should piggyback you."

"Asshole."

* * *

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN THERE'S NO HUNDRED MILLION!?!"

The poor marine, held by the lapels of his jacket by a red-haired demon who was positively spitting fire, wished that the scary Roronoa guy would come back and kill him now. "Well, y-you see, th-that was just a b-bluff because capturing R-r-roronoa would g-get our base a b-big c-c-commission…"

"So you pretended to have more than you really did? ASSHOLE!!!"

Luffy laughed and Usopp winced, Chopper hiding behind his leg, while Nami set to beating the hapless marine senseless. Robin stepped around them and peered into the safe.

"This must be a very poor base," she observed. "There's only forty million beri here; hardly enough to pay for Swordsman-san at his normal price."

"Hmph." Nami threw the unconscious and very lumpy marine aside, then turned to look in as well. "Dirty marines." She pulled out the money that was inside and stuffed it into her bra huffily.

"NWAMI-SAAAN!!! ROBIN-CHWAAAN!!! I'M COMING!!!"

Usopp yelped in surprise as the wall just behind him came crashing down, Sanji's foot flying through it.

"Shitty marimo still affecting my brain," he complained, stepping through the hole and brushing off his suit. "I can't believe I went back to the lobby and then down the wrong hallway."

"See, I told you it was always everyone else who got lost and not me," said Zoro somewhat triumphantly, following him through the hole.

"ZOOOROOO!!!" A blur of dark haired rubber crashed into the swordsmen, sending him sprawling backwards. "YOU'RE BACK!!!"

"Ugh! Damn it, Luffy, watch the ribs!"

Sanji ignored the tangle at his feet to rush/spin to Nami's side. "My Nami-swan, is everything alright? I heard a scream!"

She thrust a thumb at the man on the ground. "He cheated me out of my money."

"Shithead!"

The poor marine went spinning away through the wall, his unconscious brain wondering why he didn't listen to his mother and go to college.

Chopper had gotten over his initial shock and had hurried to Zoro's side, examining his ribs and looking in his eyes and ears and being doctor-ly. Zoro acted annoyed but took it otherwise good naturedly. Sanji was not as good a patient when it was his turn, pouting and smoking against the reindeer's protests.

Luffy was laughing by Zoro's side, excitedly telling him all about his rampage through the base in search of the kitchens, with such interesting tales as catching the base's captain coming out of the shower and with no pants on and leaving crazy shapes in a wall of the base covered in wet paint. Zoro couldn't help grinning as he listened to the antics of the immature captain.

Finally Nami broke the good humor. "Guys, I know the marines here are weak and ill-funded," the word was full of malice, "but we still need to be getting out of here."

"We have Swordsman-san and your beri; that's all, correct?" asked Robin.

"Yosh! Back to the _Merry_! Sanji, we're having a feast tonight for getting Zoro back!" He beamed at his first mate fondly.

"Yeah, of course," agreed Sanji, grinning despite himself. He started following the energetic captain, pausing only to bow as Nami and Robin passed him.

Zoro waited until Usopp and Chopper had gone on before falling in step next to the chef, who looked as tired as he felt. "Nap first?" he suggested flatly.

Sanji raised his curly eyebrow for a second, then shrugged. "Sounds good."

"Still need that piggyback?"

For a second Sanji looked like he was going to kick Zoro, but then his eye widened as a better idea struck him. He pushed the swordsman's back right as he wasn't expecting it, and Zoro face planted, still unused to his balance.

Sanji smirked from overhead. "Yep, definitely top-heavy. I'm telling you, lay off the sake."

He had to jump to avoid the sword that came swinging at him with all Zoro's typical force and skill. The _real_ Zoro.

'_Bout damn time._

**Chapter 8 End**

* * *

A/N: Yay! Everyone's back to normal!!!

_Not even the time the bastard "accidentally" washed all his white shirts with some of Nami's red ones could top this._

That would be hilarious. ^^

_Oh, I don't ever think I can look at Sanji-kun the same way again! Men with unibrows are _not_ sexy!"_

Although I imagined it to sound really preppy. If Zoro or Nami ever said something like that or sounded like that I would probably smack them. XP

_A small, fuzzy form jumped out from behind Luffy, quickly changing into a very large (yet still fuzzy) form as it launched itself at the boy. _

It was going to be Usopp, but I almost never use Chopper, so there ya go.

_He knew the swordsman would hate him forever if he let him get addicted to nicotine and then got some lung disease._

They basically said the same thing in "Gives You Hell." This conversation was always intended to be in this fic, but when it fit in "Gives You Hell" I shortened it here.

_This is just a flesh wound…_

High fives to everyone reading this who stopped and said, "It's just a flesh wound!" I know I did while writing it. XP At least I didn't suggest that coconuts migrate… XP

"_Geez, I didn't know you were so worried about your weight, Zoro-kun," he added the honorific mockingly._

Though he _does_ call him "Zoro-kun" in Saboady Archipelago; I was like, "WTF!?!"

_She pulled out the money that was inside and stuffed it into her bra huffily._

There, Izumi-chan; lawls. ^^

…_with such interesting tales as catching the base's captain coming out of the shower and with no pants on…_

For my fellow _M*A*S*H_ fans who have seen "The Sniper" episode. ^^ Did anyone else notice Radar's naked tushy?

Also, I am aware that the timing of this episode is wonky; there's probably no way they could be unconscious and then have that entire conversation in the time Nami and those others were having that little brawl. But oh well; time is relevant! Uh, or something like that…

Sorry again for the long wait!

This is Dandy Wonderous, failing at life and signing off!


	9. Business As Unusual

Hey, everybody! Here it is; the last chapter of this little tale of friendship and foeship. And there was weeping and gnashing of teeth…

Anyway, I've had this done for about a week now, but I wanted to post it with the extras. Unfortunately, I haven't had much time to work on them, and they're taking a lot longer than expected, so they still aren't finished. So I decided to go ahead and post this for you guys before you came after me with torches and pitchforks. It's so sad to see a story end, though… As much as I'd LOVE to keep this going, I have other projects calling my name.

I tried to make this not sappy, but it kind of is, anyway. Aw well. And it's short, but that's because there wasn't much to do for it.

**Reader Review Corner!!**

(Sadly, this is the last RRC, even though there will be another update for the extras. All reviews to this chapter and the extras will be replied to in the usual way. Aww… and I love doing the RRC so much…)

Abra Cadaverous: What are you talking about? White chocolate macadamia is the best! And chocolate covered macadamia nuts are so awesome… No, indeed I have not. T_T I know! I saw a few pigs flying this morning, actually… The extras, I promise. ^^

Majin Hentai X: Thanks! Yes indeed, this is the little epilogue thing; it's very short. And then there are some extra things, too.

IzumiTheMoogle: Thanks! Oh, no, we couldn't have that! Duh! It's one the most genius movies ever filmed! Of course!!! It's the secret to her magic inflating boobage. Me too! Oh, Henry's last episode made me cry SO HARD!!! And then Trapper just up and leaves without a good-bye episode, which made me mad. I haven't seen Radar and Frank's farewells, but I watched a later episode and was like, "Who's the stuck up freak in Frank's bunk? AND WHERE THE HECK IS RADAR!?!" And then I ran to my mom who assured me that my favorite little nearsighted knucklehead had not died… she didn't think. O.O But I love that show even more than _One Piece_, and that's saying something! Thank you!!!

Daschel: Good, then. ^^ Yep! Because we couldn't do without Zoro forever, especially since this is before Thriller Bark. …Everyday? *sweatdrop* But I'm such a slow updater during school…

Grace121: Thanks! I'm glad you loved it! Look for them soon! (I hope… -_-')

Applegreen112: Good, I love laughter. ^^ Yes! High five! Thanks!

Silver Child of the Sea: Aw, really? Thanks! That review was so sweet… wow, that's pretty dang excited!

Sunayoko: Yep, but we don't need two smokers on the ship. XP Um… fifteen? (has no idea)

Eli t. rick: Thanks! I am too, honestly…

RusalkaHime: Thanks!

SmileyDJingles: I'm glad! Me too…

Sora Tayuya: Aw! Thanks! Now you're just making me blush… *^^* Woot, I am inspiring!!! *fist pump* Now go and don't be a slacker like me!

Three-days-late: Phew, another near death experience dodged. XP He's sorry, I promise you. I actually had that fight planned before anything else in the story was really planned. Oh, definitely. XD

Mish1: Aw, don't be sad, I'm already depressed enough. XP Thanks! Maybe you should tell Oda-san to stick them together for awhile. XD

ChronosNumberVII: Yes! Bow to me, mortal! I'm kidding, I'm kidding. XD This is the epilogue type thing. I seem to have confused a lot of people, I see. Sorry! I never thought of it that way! Maybe I should try it sometime… XP Yeah, that is like him. You'd have to be pretty strong to do that to Luffy, though. O.O Thanks!

Ecklisha: Thanks! Although it's quite a long review for a loss of words… XD Thanks! Yes, I'm quite mean to him, but it's only because I love him the most! ^^ Yes! Of course he was worried. ^^ Glad you liked that part! You bet! Lots of Sanji's enemies call him weak, and I always hate it. Really? *Chopper style dance* I can't believe you think so! Yes, Nami was Nami and Chopper was Chopper, and I love when they're themselves. ^^ Thanks! Yeah, I'm sad to see it end, too. But there is more to come! (I think of new ideas all the time, I have no idea how I'll write them all before I die. O.O) Here it is!

Sanshaino: Of course! XD Thanks so much! Yes, awkwardness is fun! Um… yay? I'm glad you like it so much!!! And I love nakamaship; makes me all warm and fuzzy!

Nami: *again with the Sanji impressions* Thank you Nami-swaaan!

ZeldaAddict42: Woot! True, I never understood that phrase, either. -_- But yeah, Zoro was feeling suckish for it. Yep, I'm such a horrible person. XP Totally! That would seriously get on his nerves! We see more of that here. Thanks! Of course he has that sense, and I love referencing Spiderman in any situation. XD But yes, they seem not to work so well when she is within punching range. I hope you like it!

Silverchild of the wind: Thanks! Aw, don't be mad at Zoro, he didn't mean it. He's a good guy! *pats head* Me too! All her weather forecasts always crack me up. ^^ Of course Sanji would get lost after having Zoro's (nonexistent) sense of direction for a week.

Kagollie: Of course! Here you go!

Asagiri: Thanks! Aw, yeah… They should be! No, of course he didn't like doing it; there's a difference between making fun of Sanji's eyebrow and telling him he's basically useless. Yep, they are! *huggles* Thanks! I love comic relief. ^^ Them giving the other a piggy back ride is WIN!!! ^^ It's part of the appeal that writing one of those "some of the Strawhats turn into kids" fics has, but I don't plan on doing one… right now. XP Actually, I am now COMPLETELY caught up! *does a happy dance* And Admiral Akainu's power is pure awesomeness!!! I was pulling a Luffy when I saw it; "THAT IS SO COOL!!!" But yeah, I rewound, too. XP Thanks again!

Blue Havan: Yep. Haha, Sanji smash! XP I love writing random extras. And of course everyone should listen to their parents, kids! XD I figured it would be a serious balance shift; after being used to Sanji's legs, he's suddenly on his own comparatively weak legs. It was a fun idea. YES!!! High five for you!!! It's totally worth yelling, though. XD Thanks!

Asura: Thanks! Ahahaha! Okay, THAT'S going in the extras; Zoro's soul getting lost. LMAO! Yay! High five!

Santoryuu-Zoro: Thanks! Aw, I'm sorry. I'm not so good at Zoro H/C because he's not really a character I see as being angsty or anything. *hangs head in shame*

ArabianNinja: Did I reply to you? Anyway, thanks! I'm glad you think so!

Pajama_pants5: Thanks! I love them, too (though Zoro actually ranks number 4 on my list… -_-). Yep! It gives me the warm fuzzies when either of them say "thank you," "please," or "sorry." ^^ It would be nice, but I doubt Oda-san is as worried about Zoro/Sanji relations as we fangirls are. XD Thanks! I plan on it!

On with the end!

**

* * *

**

Room for Two

By Dandy Wonderous

Chapter 9:

In Which Things Return to Relative Normality

Sanji banged the pan down on the stove with far more force than he normally used.

He'd been doing that a lot these days, banging pots and pans, slapping bowels and spoons down, slamming cabinets closed. Most of the crew assumed he was just irritated about something (which was half true, and a fairly common occurrence) and thought that he just needed some time to cool off. But, though Sanji would never admit it, there was another reason he was being so harsh to the cookware.

He was creating unnecessary noise.

_Shitty stupid-_BANG!-_marimo and his dumb shitty-_BAM!_-sleeping habits… Shitty sense of-_SLAM!_-direction, too. Shithead, screwing with my brain-_SMACK!_-still, even though he's been gone for-_THUMP!_-a week. Shitty dumbass marimo swordsman! _CRACK!

Sanji stopped his mental tirade to look down at whatever object he had just subjected to his wrath and realized it had been a carton of eggs. With a string of curses, now aloud, addressed as though to Zoro but actually meant for himself, he opened the carton and peeked in at the now shattered egg shells. Well, so much for omelets.

The cook sighed and rubbed his eyes with his thumb and forefinger. He didn't understand why he was doing such stupid, careless things lately. It wasn't like he was tired; after all, Zoro's habit of napping continually was still hanging around after their experience. Not that he would let himself drift off, of course. He had completely meant to fall asleep while the others were eating supper last night…

That hadn't been the only trait that had stuck with him. The day after their raid on the base they had still been at the island, waiting for the log pose to reset. Sanji had gone to look for edible plants in the forest and gotten hopelessly lost. And a couple days later he caught Luffy stealing from the fridge and had punched him without thinking.

Zoro seemed to be having some adverse effects, too. It had taken a few days for him to get completely readjusted to his balance, which caused him to fall down often while training and put him in a foul mood that quite easily rivaled Sanji's. And Sanji had noticed him, more than once, lingering by if he was smoking, inhaling the scent fervently but cautiously, hoping that no one would notice. The blond had taken great care to make sure he kept his cigarettes stashed away safely or on his person at all times, because the last thing they needed was their swordsman hooked on nicotine.

The most amusing moment of it all, in Sanji's opinion, had come about half a week after they had been separated. Zoro had lost his footing-again-and dropped one of his dumbbells. Cursing (Sanji also noticed he used the word "shit" more often than he used to), he had decided that the weight deserved some punishment. So he had kicked it, his movements crudely mirroring one of Sanji's own attacks.

"Oi, you're not doing it right!" he had called tauntingly. "You have to get more swing for momentum, and if you kick straight on with your toes like that you'll break them all."

"Shut up, dartboard. You're just jealous that I found the ship before you."

Sanji had scowled at that and returned to the galley.

Which was far too quiet, hence the banging.

It wasn't like he had ever needed a noisy kitchen before, even though he had been used to one at the _Baratie_. When he was cooking he fell into his own rhythm, and then background noise (or lack thereof) faded away and he didn't think about it.

But for some reason it hadn't been that way lately. And he was pretty sure he knew why, he just didn't want to admit it.

At least, not until the other admitted it first.

Speak of the devil…

Zoro skulked into the galley. Or Sanji wanted to call it skulking, because he himself had been doing plenty of that lately, but Zoro was actually just as casual as normal, strolling past him and pulling open a cabinet to get a tankard. The cook welcomed the distraction from his ruined eggs and turned to lean against the counter and glare at the intruder.

Zoro knew Sanji's eyes were on him but didn't acknowledge it, instead finding his mug and making a short beeline for the alcohol.

"Drink all that and I'll julienne you," came the warning.

Zoro snorted derisively. "That'd be a lot more threatening if I actually knew what "julienne" meant."

Sanji scowled and went back to his forlorn study of the eggs while Zoro filled the tankard and took a few gulps, then filled it back to the top again. Sanji had decided that he could still make use of the yolks and hope was, in fact, not lost, when he realized that Zoro hadn't left.

He turned slowly back to the loiterer and raised his curly eyebrow. "You're still here?" he snapped, though it was more of a demand than a question.

"Yeah. Got a problem with that?"

"Why aren't you going back out on deck?"

He glowered back over his ale. "What'd you do, break the eggs?"

Sanji gritted his teeth in annoyance and embarrassment, automatically scooting the carton to a more concealed spot behind his back with one hand. "Don't change the subject."

"That was pretty careless."

"Don't change the subject!"

"If we're talking about the eggs, then I think it would be _you_ changing the subject."

"We weren't talking about the shitty eggs!" Sanji fought the urge to stab the swordsman with one of his good carving knives; he was afraid it was a battle he would soon lose.

Zoro took another drink of his ale. "Nami wanted to know why the hell you were being so noisy."

Sanji immediately became distraught. "Aah! I was disturbing my darling Nami-san? How inconsiderate of me!" He began rifling through cabinets, muttering to himself about what he could cook to make it up to her.

"So why _were_ you banging around in here?"

Sanji froze, his hand on a bottle of vanilla. After a second's hesitation he pulled it down and went back to work. "I don't know. I didn't notice I was being any louder than normal."

Zoro drowned the last of his ale in one gulp and got back up to get some more. A leg barred his way.

"Stay out of the damn alcohol. We'll need it later."

"Tch." Zoro folded his arms huffily. For a second they had a stare down, neither breaking eye contact, and then they broke it off simultaneously, Sanji turning back to his ingredients while Zoro snorted, "Fine," and walked off.

Sanji turned around when he realized that, once again, Zoro hadn't left. "You're still here?"

"You never answered my question," he explained from where he had sat back down at the table.

"Oh, for the love of… Yes, I freaking broke the eggs. Are you happy now?"

"Not that one. But the egg thing is funny, too."

"What?" Sanji wracked his brain for this alleged other question. "Oh, you mean the noise? Shitty marimo, get your ears checked; I _did_ answer that!"

"You should leave the lying to Usopp."

Sanji slammed the cabinet door. "Screw you."

"That was eloquent."

"Screw eloquence."

Zoro rolled his eyes and got up from the bench. "Yeah, I get it; it's too quiet for you, too."

"Shithead, I…" Sanji trailed off and looked back to where Zoro was leaving, back turned. "Did you just say, "too"?"

Zoro paused, hand on the doorknob. Then slowly he turned back. The empty hand wandered absently up to rub the back of his neck.

"So… are my legs really as weak as they feel?"

Sanji stared at the other man, who had a serious expression that was quickly morphing to embarrassed. "Well… compared to me, yes. But not for a normal person."

Zoro averted his eyes. "If someone wanted to build their leg strength closer to your level, what would they do?"

Sanji blinked stupidly for a few minutes. Something _had_ to be wrong with his ears; there was _no way_ Roronoa Zoro was asking him for help _training_.

He smiled and turned back to his work. "After breakfast, 'kay? I'll show you some stuff."

Zoro shrugged nonchalantly. "Sure." Then he smirked. "Just don't be so damn noisy."

"Shitty swordsman."

"Asshole cook."

"Marimo."

"Ero."

THWACK!

CLANG!

* * *

Nami rolled over in her hammock and pressed the pillow over her head. "I should've known… send Zoro to shut Sanji up, and they just get louder."

Robin laughed, already up and perusing a book. "Swordsman-san and Cook-san are rather rambunctious in the morning, aren't they?"

The navigator sighed and pushed herself up, a look on her face that could kill all the Shichibukai at once. "Why can't those two get along?"

"I don't know, Navigator-san; they seem to be much better friends after their recent experience."

"…We _are_ talking about Sanji and Zoro, aren't we?"

Robin laughed while the fight in the kitchen escalated, rocking the whole ship.

"Ugh. Excuse me Robin, but I need to go do some idiot control before they break the ship." Nami pulled on a robe and went to the door. "But… at least I have two heads to hit again."

CRASH!

"…And two bodies to hide."

**The End**

* * *

A/N: It's… it's officially over… WAAAAH!!! *cries inconsolably*

_Sanji stopped his mental tirade to look down at whatever object he had just subjected to his wrath and realized it had been a carton of eggs. _

This is actually a reference to one of my favorite comedy sketches by Bill Cosby (funniest man ever, in my opinion), who is mad and slamming things around while cooking breakfast. But unlike poor Sanji, Bill catches himself and doesn't break the eggs.

…_put him in a foul mood that quite easily rivaled Sanji's._

Which is impressive, because I don't know anyone with Sanji's temper.

_Speak of the devil…_

Random observation: actually, Zoro has a god theme while Sanji has a devil theme. It's symbolism, I tell you! (curse AP English…)

_Zoro skulked into the galley._

Skulking. Such a funny word…

"_That'd be a lot more threatening if I actually knew what "julienne" meant."_

At the time I wrote this I didn't have internet access and couldn't look up what "julienne" meant, myself. So I thought I'd have Zoro voice my own cluelessness. Turns out, it's a type of cut that cuts vegetables or unruly marimos into long, thin strips.

"_If someone wanted to build their leg strength closer to your level, what would they do?"_

The old, "So I have this _friend_," trick.

_I'll show you some stuff."_

Must… resist… can't… fight… it… THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!!! Oh, I'm so mature…

I have to admit, I love doing the long streams of name calling. XD

…_a look on her face that could kill all the Shichibukai at once._

See, Abra? Navigator's Wrath; I'm telling you, it's dangerous!

"…_And two bodies to hide."_

The _Merry_ is a small ship, and she's running out of space. XP

Anyway, that's the last round of author's notes for this story… Sniff…

I'm sad to see it end, but I've had so much fun writing this story. It's my most successful so far.

**I would like to thank everyone who read, reviewed, alerted, and favorited. I also thank everyone who gave me constructive criticism (especially SCotS) and ideas for the extras. Thanks to Izumi-chan and Abra-chan, for being fun to ramble with. Thanks to my parents, for finally giving up on my being a normal child and supporting me in my insanity. HUGE thanks to Eiichiro Oda, for writing a series that is just so totally epic and amazing and creating characters that I love so much. And thanks to God, who gave me my random and crazy imagination.**

**At the time I write this, this story has 4,803 hits, 182 reviews, 46 favorites, 59 alerts, and is in one community. That blows my mind.**

**Thank you again!**

Overwhelmed, this is Dandy Wonderous, signing off.


	10. The Extras of Wondifulness

You guys have no idea how sorry I am that I didn't get these out sooner!!! I kept trying to work on them, but stuff would happen, or I would be tired for stuff of substance, or whatever. But now they're finally here! I hope they were worth the wait!

The suggested by stuff means that they mentioned something of the short's effect in a review, not that they actually said, "Write this!"

**Anonymous Reader Review Corner!!**

(because I'm stupid and forgot I couldn't reply to anonymous reviewers. If you do an anon review to this chapter, just know that you have my eternal gratitude for reading, because I can't reply anymore)

Asura: I did it! Only it wasn't a seagull… anyway… It would be bad, but him beating the crap out of a miscreant would be funny. XD Thanks! Aw, I'm glad! Exactly! Zoro, god of war and wine! And yeah, Sanji would fail as a devil… XP

Blue Haven: Yes, aren't they cute? XD Well, Zoro can't have being weak in any form! I love it, too! Squee! SHE scares you? You're the one saying she could just weigh down their bodies… XP Though I suppose that COULD work… Thanks!!!

Xx-Brat-xX: Yes, I'm afraid it is. Um… I have no idea what to write about, sorry! If I could keep it going forever I would but alas! Other projects call my name. Aw, thanks!!!

ArabianNinja: Thanks! Wow, you really think so? I'm so touched!!! *^^* Thanks a lot!!!

Onward, faithful readers!

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* * *

**

Room for Two Extras!!!

Number One: Duel Control

_Suggested by Nitroglycerin_

Faced with the onslaught of marines, Sanji and Zoro lost all trace of individualism. And in that moment, they really were one single being with one solitary thought: _win._

The body fell into a crouch before swinging into a long, sweeping kick that knocked down several enemies, one blade trailing behind, slashing across those the leg missed. The second its foot returned to earth it launched into the thickest knot of enemies, blades mere glints of light as they spun expertly into necks and torsos. One marine managed to block those deadly lengths of steel with his own sword, but an upward kick sent him flying while their blades were still ringing with the sound of impact. While its leg was still vertical, it blocked several others with quick movements of its wrists and arms and kicked them down with a fluid movement. It hopped backward, flipping over some weapons, and landed, katana flying. Marine after marine fell.

After several minutes the body straightened to survey the damage, and its eyes, a curious blue-green, landed on its captain, who was watching with sparkling eyes and gaping jaw.

"That was so COOL! You guys should stay like that forever!"

"Like hell!" it yelled as both a foot and hand crashed into him.

A/N: This would look so awesome animated. Pronoun fail, I know. XP And Luffy there at the end was just an afterthought.

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Number Two: Misplaced Sanji (Version A)

_Suggested by Majin Hentai X, Asura, Sora Tayuya (sort of), maybe some others, I searched the reviews to make sure I didn't miss anyone, but I may have failed_

Zoro's eyebrow was twitching. His eyebrow was twitching because it was swirly and the only one visible, and it was over an eye that was watching _his_ body emerge from the galley carrying a tray of fruity cocktails.

He supposed he should be happy that the cook was, in fact, not dead after their horrifying experience the day before, but it's hard to be relieved while watching one's body twirl across the deck towards Nami, somehow managing to balance the tray even while noodling.

"Nami-swaan!" his voice cooed, sounding ridiculous with Sanji's customary lilt and Zoro's gruff pitch. "I have a drink for you!"

Zoro did have a moment of amusement over Nami's shocked face at seeing Zoro acting so mushy (none of the crew was used to it yet). The amusement turned to gut-busting laughter as Sanji, not yet accustomed to Zoro's body's balance, stumbled on the swaying deck and sent drinks everywhere, mostly onto the navigator.

He was then torn between thinking the whole thing was hilarious or pathetic, as he watched his body stutter out prolific apologies while cowering from the outraged Nami, who berated Sanji loudly about her expensive outfit's new dye. But soon he found himself humiliated by his body's behavior.

So he got up lazily (stumbling a bit on Sanji's lankier limbs) and walked over to the outraged girl. He grabbed one of her flailing fists in his hand and held it tight, halting her.

"San-" She cut herself off short, remembering who she was really looking at now. "Zoro. What are you _doing_!?!"

"Stop it. He won't man up, and it's making me look stupid."

"Shitty marimo!" yelled Sanji suddenly, straightening up and lashing out at Zoro with Zoro's booted foot. "Don't talk to Nami-san like-"

WHAM!!! He slammed down onto the deck, his balance for the kick completely screwed up from Zoro's body. Zoro stared down at himself and sighed.

"Don't _do_ that if you're just going to land me flat on my ass."

"Your body weighs a freaking TON!" Sanji griped as he got back to his feet. "How you move at _all_ is beyond me."

"Well, _your_ body would get blown away in a little wind."

"At least it doesn't have shitty green hair!"

"At least mine doesn't have a stupid swirly eyebrow!"

Zoro's body attempted a kick that came flying at Zoro's midsection. He quickly unsheathed one of his swords and blocked, but the different balance and decreased arm strength almost sent him falling on Sanji's butt. Meanwhile, Sanji grunted and fell back, favoring the leg he had kicked with. Zoro eyed him wearily.

"What'd you just do to my leg?"

"I just pulled a muscle… or three."

"Asshole."

Sanji gritted Zoro's teeth and tried for something else; punching. Of course, he'd never punched someone before, so it was poorly executed and sent him tumbling. Zoro attempted to hit him with the back of his sword blade but overbalanced himself and spun around, landing hard enough on his shoulder that the "pop" was audible.

"Watch it, shithead!" yelled Sanji angrily, getting back to Zoro's feet. He stomped forward, limping slightly, and Zoro swung one of Sanji's legs, catching his own feet and sending his body falling flat on his face.

At that point, as they were rolling around in a flailing mass on the ground, Nami got up and punched them both. "Knock it off, you two!"

"Yes, Nami-swaaan, my love!" Sanji cooed, somehow managing to noodle in Zoro's body. Zoro simply sighed and willed the ship to move faster. He wanted to find that stupid kid and get back in his body so he could erase all the mental images and things could go back to normal.

"You're such a ladies man, Zoro," Usopp snickered, coming up beside him and watching the spectacle.

A swift kick sent him flying into the mast, and Zoro found it oddly satisfying. Maybe he could stand it for just a little while longer…

_A/N: This, too, would be more amusing animated. Imagine Zoro noodle dancing; awesome!_

* * *

Number Three: Misplaced Sanji (Version B)

Sanji groaned and opened his eyes slowly, before snapping them shut again. The sunlight was so blinding… Carefully, he squinted, then blinked rapidly until they could come completely open with burning so much.

That was when he noticed that he could see out of both eyes, no fringe was covering the left.

He sat up ramrod straight and grabbed for his bangs to pull them down. Last thing he needed was someone seeing his other eyebrow.

But after a moment of searching he found nothing. Not a single strand of hair on his forehead.

His immediate thought was, _Shit, I've gone bald._

A quick feel of the top of his head dispelled his panic. He was not bald, his hair was simply very short. Marimo short, if he had to put a name to the length.

Speaking of things that were like the marimo…

He pulled his hands down and his two visible eyes nearly bugged out of his head. These were _not _his hands. They were too tan, too callused, the fingers more like lumpy sausages than his slender appendages…

With dread filling his heart he looked slowly down at his waist and legs, his eyes trailing over the white shirt and green haramaki to the black pants and boots.

_Well shit, _I'm _the marimo._

Talk about nightmares. This was worse than anything that had ever happened to him, in Sanji's opinion.

Then the events of the last half hour flooded back to him, and he sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose. _At least I didn't drown, I guess._

Or had he? His head jerked up at the thought, looking out toward the sea. The _Merry_ was there in the distance, being left behind… He couldn't see on it, though.

_That bastard better not be dead._

"Roronoa, aha," said a sudden voice, and he looked up to see Touchstone. "Fetch me a drink, will you, aha?"

Here, Sanji had a few options. He could be subtle and not let them know that Zoro was no longer a mindless zombie. Or he could take over the ship by force and get back to the crew that way.

WHAM!

Well, he never was one for subtlety.

Touchstone was immediately floored by the impact of Wado's hilt with his manhood. Sanji got to Zoro's feet and kicked him with a ghost of his normal kicks, sending him crashing to the deck.

"Take me back to my nakama," he ordered, his voice low and dangerous.

"R-r-roronoa, aha," he gasped out, the "aha" much more high pitched than normal. "Back in your body, I see, aha."

"Like hell. If _he_ was back, then you'd be dead right now. But I don't know how to use these overgrown knives of his, lucky for you."

The kid with the creepy smile stepped forward, looking suspicious. Sanji didn't even let him say "Soul" once before he'd jumped on him, slamming him into the planks. "Don't even think about it, shit-kid."

"HEY, MORON, AREN'T YOU FORGETTING SOMEONE!?!"

Sanji turned to glare up at Thalia. Of course, the sight of the woman made his heart jump erratically, but he had no time for that at the moment. Apparently his glare in Zoro's body was enough to intimidate her, though, because she backed off with a squeak, as did most of the other bounty hunters watching the scene.

"Now, shitty-aha, take me back to my ship!" he commanded, pointing a sword at him for emphasis.

It was scary enough that Touchstone forgot Sanji's earlier comment about not knowing how to use them and he jumped to do his bidding, ordering the crew to turn the ship around. Sanji nodded in satisfaction and got up off the kid, eyeing him closely.

"No funny business."

"No sir," said the boy, his smile looking somewhat strained in fear.

"Oh, and by the way…" Sanji turned around and grabbed Touchstone by the collar of his shirt. "This is for calling me weak, bastard." And then he set him back down and punched him hard in the gut, then kicked him again as he fell.

"That kick would have been much better back in my own body," he said remorsefully, then turned back to watch the _Merry _grow closer.

…

The Strawhat crew was shocked from their sorrowful stupor at the shock of the bounty hunters' ship returning. Luffy ran to his seat on the figurehead to watch while the others crowded the railing around him.

"Why are they coming back?" asked Usopp, tears still rolling down his face.

"Who cares? I'm gonna kick all their asses!" Luffy declared angrily.

"Is that Swordsman-san?" said Robin suddenly, pointing at the prow of the other ship.

Every followed her finger and gasped in surprise.

"It is!"

"He's waving!"

"What the heck is going on?"

"Zoro," said Luffy, sounding confused. "Wasn't your body evil just a few minutes ago?"

Zoro didn't answer, as he was too busy staring at his own body waving and shouting something that couldn't make it over the expanse of ocean. But as they neared he made out the words.

"…bringing back your body now, shitty marimo, and you better still be alive and have mine in good shape or I'm chasing your soul to hell and beating the shit out of you!"

Zoro cupped Sanji's hands around his mouth and shouted back, with a quaver in his voice that was _not_ relief, "What the hell are you doing in my body, asshole? You better not do anything stupid with it!"

They continued to shout insults across the water at each other, the others breaking into relieved laughter mixed with happy tears until the other ship drew up close to the _Merry._ The smiling kid flew over the railing and landed hard on the deck, followed by Sanji who, unused to Zoro's body, overbalanced and fell on his face. "Top heavy bastard," he complained, getting back up.

"So you're still alive after all, ero-cook?"

"Yeah, and in your stupid body. Can we fix that, please?"

Zoro smirked, a smirk that sent a secret message to Sanji. Sanji gave him one back, one that said the same thing. "Yeah, sure."

Two feet impatiently prodded the boy on the deck, and he sighed in defeat and sat up, still smiling, if a bit flatly. "Soul Extraction…"

_A/N: If Sanji had ended up in Zoro's body after he "died," this is basically what would have happened. Only, knowing me, with more sap in extended form._

* * *

Number Four: Asura!Sanji

_Suggested by Blue Haven_

Zoro stared at Captain Chism. He was strong, making Zoro exert himself more than usual. Or maybe that was just because of Sanji's body. Either way.

Suddenly a strong energy began to flow into him, one that he had felt before. A dark aura started to surround Sanji's body.

_Wh-what the hell is going on!?!_ said cook demanded, freaking.

_Relax; this always makes me more powerful._

Sanji stopped protesting and waited, curious.

And that was when things got weird.

Like when it had happened to Zoro before, Sanji suddenly had three heads. But instead of getting more arms to hold swords with, he got more legs. Four more, to be exact.

Sanji was is control while Zoro was trying to figure out what was going on, and while neither of them really knew what was happening he had kicked Chism with all six legs, sending him flying.

_Well, that didn't go as I intended…_

_I have to admit, that was great! Can you teach me how to do this?_

_It requires a lot of meditation…_

Sanji sighed. _Forget it, then. I don't want to look like an idiot, too._

Zoro made yet another mental note to beat Sanji once this was over.

_A/N: Short, yes. It would look really awesome drawn!_

* * *

Number Five: Diable Jambe!Zoro

_Because it would naturally follow; this is based on the premise that they are in Zoro's body instead of Sanji's this time._

It was only natural that Sanji should take over Zoro's body at that moment. After all, someone was attacking his Nami-san.

_That bastard!_

Zoro blinked in surprise. Was it just him, or was his body suddenly sweating a lot?

"How dare you hurt Nami-swan!" Sanji roared through Zoro's vocal chords, and suddenly they were spinning. Really, really fast.

_Trying to do some ballet, cook?_

BOOF!

_Oh holy shit, are you crazy!?!_

Sanji had meant for his foot to ignite, but instead his arms had. Zoro was suddenly back in control, trying to get the flames to go out.

_Bastard cook, are you trying to… hey, it doesn't hurt!_

_Of course it doesn't._

Zoro took out several enemies with his now flaming swords. _You know, this would have been useful back on Little Garden while I was fighting that candle guy._

_Candle guy? What candle guy?_

_Oh I forgot. You were completely useless on that island._

Sanji made a mental note to show Zoro just how useless he was once he was back in his body.

_A/N: I HATE the people who kept commenting on how useless Sanji was on Little Garden. It was important that he not be seen by Baroque Works and get an eternal pose, darn you people! So what if he's a little ADD when there's tea involved? If it had been Luffy and meat the same thing would have happened! *fume*_

* * *

Number Six: Death of a Swordsman

_We're gonna die…_

_We are… no air to swim, damn it!_

…_Oi, shit-cook._

…_What?_

_The one in control dies, right?_

_Yeah…_

Sanji felt the force on his consciousness. _Let me take over._

_What?_

_I'll die. _

…_No._

_What do you _mean_, no?_

_No, Zoro. They need you more than they need me, so you go back and I'll-_

_Shut the hell up right now! You're the cook! What would the crew do without you cooking for them?_

_You protect them, so you should-_

_I'm protecting one right now, damn it!_

The darkness was closing in quickly, and Sanji found it and Zoro hard to fight off at the same time. It was with shock that he found himself relinquishing to the swordsman.

_Bastard! What about the girl? The one you promised? You better not break her promise, shithead!_

The silence was long enough that Sanji thought he had him.

…_I don't think she would mind, if it ended like this._

_NO! Zoro, don't you dare die, you marimo bastard!_

_Tell Luffy sorry, I lost._

_You… Zoro, no, don't-_

_I'm…_

_Zoro! _Things were swirling around his head. He felt heavy, water still pouring ceaselessly into his lungs.

_Bye, Sanji._

_Zoro, damn you! You die and I'll never forgive you!_

_Zoro? _Something was touching his arm. Something tugging… _Zoro, someone's got us, it's okay!_

…

_Oi, Zoro! Zoro! Damn it, Zoro, answer me!_

…

…_Shithead._

And then he felt nothing.

_A/N: I like Sanji's death better… Sigh…_

* * *

Number Seven: I Dream Of…

Zoro wasn't surprised that Sanji's dreams started out with countless girls in bikinis. What he didn't expect was that it would have a main focus on Robin, or that she would, in fact, _not_ be in a bikini.

She was in a sundress.

And before he really knew what was happening, all the girls had disappeared and been replaced with several children. Several raven haired, curly eyebrowed children.

Zoro wasn't sure who woke them up at that point. Maybe it was Sanji, embarrassed at the direction his dream had taken, or maybe it was Zoro, mentally screaming, _What the hell!?!_

Sanji didn't say anything, turning in his hammock to stare at the cabin wall.

_Were you just dreaming… of being married… to Robin?_

…_Yeah._

Zoro found himself curious, and the cook uncomfortable, so he decided to keep asking questions. _So how often do you dream about her?_

Sanji attempted to reply that he rarely did, but his brain gave him away with enough dream memories to fill Luffy's stomach.

_Wow… you've got it bad. And here I thought you were in love with the witch woman._

_She is _not_ a witch!_

_Avoiding my question…_

_Does it matter? It's not like anything's going to happen._

_So you don't plan on talking to her about it?_

_Are you crazy!?! I'm like a kid to her!_

_Well, you'll never know unless you tell her._

_Like hell, marimo. _He sighed. _I'm doomed to worship her from afar._

Zoro mentally snorted. _From afar? You fling yourself at her feet constantly._

_You know that's not what I meant!_

_Tch. Touchy, aren't we? _

_Shut up. Besides… I'm content with just being her nakama. We all have dreams anyway, right? So if I can help her achieve that… that's enough._

…_You are such a sap._

_Shithead! Just because you don't have a romantic bone in your body… You won't tell her, will you?_

_No, I won't._

_Good. _He yawned. _Go back to sleep, marimo._

_You're telling me…_

So they did.

_A/N: This is a scene that I had planned back when this was SanRob. I cut it when I decided that I didn't want any pairings, and now I like SaNa and Frobin better anyway. But Sanji's little nakama thing there is so sweet! *huggles*_

* * *

Number Eight: Retrieving Sanji

_After Sanji's death, Zoro had a strange dream…_

Zoro looked around in confusion. He was standing in pitch black nothingness, cold as the artic. He felt weightless, like he wasn't solid, but just a gas floating through the air. Soon he would fade away, to join the nothing…

He shook the strange thought off and took a few steps forward. He could just faintly feel the pull of his muscles as he walked, but that was reassurance enough that he still existed.

There was a light ahead of him, but when he took a step forward an invisible force repelled him, and a feeling told him that he was not allowed to enter the light. Frustrated, he turned away from it and found, to his surprise, a young boy sitting a few feet away from him, his back turned to Zoro. He was crying, apparently, little snivels coming from his direction.

Instinctively Zoro walked over to the boy and put a hand on his shoulder. "Oi," he said, his voice rougher than he intended.

The boy looked up at him with a start, eyes wide and fearful. For a second, boy and swordsman stared at each other blankly.

Then both yelped in surprise.

"Z-zoro!?!"

"S-sanji!?!"

For it was him, nine or ten years earlier than Zoro was used to, but there was no mistaking that swirly eyebrow, that blonde fringe, the stubborn glint in his eye even though it still had tears leaking from it.

For a moment Sanji could only stare dumbly. Then he wiped his face with his sleeve self-consciously before glaring at Zoro. "What are you doing here, shitty swordsman. Finally get yourself killed?"

"I don't know," Zoro admitted. "I just fell asleep, and then I was here." He looked around, though there was nothing to see. "Where are we, anyway?"

"I wish I knew," said Sanji, with a little hitch in his voice. "I feel like I'm supposed to be heading into that light," he jerked a thumb in the direction of the light Zoro had tried to enter, "but I can't get there. Something keeps pulling me back."

"Why are you a little kid?"

He bristled at that. "I wish I knew. Sometimes I'm my real age, sometimes I'm a kid, for awhile I was an old man…" He sighed, rubbing his temple, and Zoro found it hard to believe that this was really the man he fought with on a daily basis. He looked so much like a lost little boy, especially since he was still sniveling just a bit.

"You think that light goes to some kind of afterlife?" he suggested.

"Maybe. But then why am I still here?" He looked away, into the distance to his left. "My other theory was that that was heaven, but I landed in hell."

Zoro didn't like the despair in his eyes. But this time there was no enemy to defeat to make it go away. "Isn't hell supposed to be… hot?"

"Some say it's cold as ice," he answered, and Zoro shivered in the cold involuntarily.

"I don't think this is hell, Sanji. After all, I'm not dead."

"It _feels_ like hell," he muttered, then blinked like he hadn't meant to. He screwed up his eye and clamped his lips tight together, his hands balling into a fist, and now he really did fit the part of lost little boy.

"Sanji?" Zoro ventured, his voice more of a croak than a question.

The mini-cook turned his head so that his bangs hid his face, his shoulders shaking wildly, but not from the cold. "I'm so… there's no one here, Zoro. Sometimes I think I hear voices, but there's never anyone. So many times…" He gulped, trying to swallow the quake in his voice. "So many times I'll think I see Luffy or Nami-san or Usopp, or even the shit-geezer… but then I run closer, and it's just my own imagination working on the darkness." A stifled noise ripped through his throat on the last word, and he forced it back. "And now you're here… and you're probably just going to disappear, too, aren't you?" This last bit sounded angry, not in the I'm-gonna-kick-your-ass-shithead kind of way, but in a despairing kind of way that tripled the guilt Zoro felt.

Hmm. What to do when your biggest rival, who you thought was dead, was suddenly a little kid, crying in front of you, and you weren't even sure if anything was real?

Hesitantly, Zoro closed the gap between them, and reached out, putting a hand on the boy's shoulder. "I don't think so," he answered slowly, and Sanji's head jerked up to look at him. For a second they stared at each other, and then Zoro added, "The crew misses you, Sanji. The _whole_ crew. And I refuse to see them sad anymore."

Sanji gritted his teeth, making him look marginally older and more like himself. "And what do you plan to do about it?"

Good question. Zoro considered, then shrugged and picked Sanji up like a potato sack.

"What are you-Put me down, shithead!!!"

"Shut up. I'm carrying you out of… wherever this is."

"You can't just _carry_ people out of hell!"

Zoro didn't answer, ignoring Sanji's protests and the little fists that beat on his back, only taking a little interest in the swinging feet, because even as a kid they would smart if they made contact. Turning away from the light he started walking, Sanji slung over his shoulder.

He moved in the opposite direction from the light, and for once he didn't get lost, perhaps because there was nowhere to get lost to. After awhile Sanji gave up and hung there, limply. Zoro noticed his legs growing longer until he was almost normal size, at which point Zoro put him down.

"You grew up."

"Obviously." Sanji looked back at the light and shuddered involuntarily. "It's not any farther away."

"It isn't?" Zoro looked back, then his brow furrowed in confusion. "But I can't even see it anymore."

Sanji blinked in confusion. "Wh-what?" He looked between Zoro and where the light had been, then took a step back. "How can you not? It's getting closer."

"It is?" Zoro squinted, but still couldn't see a thing.

Sanji's eye grew wide, and he staggered backward, tripping uncharacteristically over his own feet and hitting the invisible floor. "It's coming!"

Zoro grew concerned, instinctively unsheathing his sword just a bit (not even wondering how they had suddenly returned to him). "Sanji, I don't see any-"

He stopped abruptly as Sanji froze, not even breathing. He straightened out and, rigid as a board, rose into the air, then started floating forward, past Zoro, like a flying corpse.

Zoro couldn't see the light, but apparently it had Sanji. He unsheathed Wado fully and jumped forward, hoping for some hint of his invisible enemy. "Like hell!" he roared at the darkness. "I didn't come all this way to lose _now_!"

Something shiny became visible, wrapped around Sanji's body like a snake. It was reaching from the depths, tugging him away.

Zoro shot forward, sword swinging, and tried to cut through the light. But it wasn't solid, for all the hold it had on the cook, and his blade passed through harmlessly.

The swordsman took several deep breaths and closed his eyes. _That meditation you mocked is about to save your shitty ass._

He swung again, and this time he cut nothing.

Sanji, suddenly free from his bonds, fell to the floor, the disconnected light writhing as though in agony before slowly fading away. Sanji was still silent and still but, he noticed, still breathing ever so slightly.

Zoro picked him up and started to carry him away from where the light had been. This time a new light engulfed them, one that was warm and smelled of sea salt.

"See? It wasn't hell. …Still asleep? You better appreciate all this carrying later."

_A/N: This is the original scene I was going to have for Zoro saving Sanji. I still like it, but I kind of like the one in story better. Less sappy, and yet more sappy at the same time. O.O_

* * *

Number Nine: Vacancy

_Suggested by ZeldaAddict42_

No matter how many times he saw it, Usopp would never get used to it.

Sanji would be arguing with Zoro about something. On the outside, he seemed to simply stand there, gritting his teeth and clenching his fists, occasionally tapping his foot on the deck in anger. He would be staring into space, focused on an opponent who wasn't in front of him.

But even weirder was when Zoro and Sanji would fight over control of the body. Sanji would suddenly stiffen, and then sag a little, as though his body had no particular reason to be standing. Sanji's eyelid would half close, while his eye itself would wander lazily in a random direction. Usually he was a bit slack-jawed, and once they fought for so long that a bit of drool dribbled onto his lip.

It all made Sanji looked very undignified, and Usopp couldn't help but stare. But he would always look away the second one of them won the fight, because if Sanji caught him gawking, there would be hell to pay.

And Usopp liked life, thank you very much.

_A/N: Because ZeldaAddict42 said, "I wonder what Sanji looks like when they're fighting for control," and I thought, "Good question." So there's the answer. ^^_

* * *

Number Ten: Sense of Direction

_Suggested by Asura_

The blue light was rather irritated with the green light, and it was pretty obvious why.

The green light had circled the room four times, gone down both hallways (one more than once), returned to Sanji's prostrate body twice, and _still_ wasn't back in his body.

Finally the blue light managed to change its shape until it was an arrow, pointing at the swordsman's body.

The green light seemed to look from the blue light to the body and back again. After a moment it followed the arrow…

…and kept going through the wall.

The blue light seemed to sigh and finally physically led the green light to its body. The green light seemed to be a bit annoyed before finally lowering inside.

Well, now that that was done, the blue light could return to its body.

…Where was it, again?

_A/N: Once a directionless marimo, always a directionless marimo. XP_

* * *

Number Eleven: Nami's Promise

_Suggested by Abra Cadaverous_

Another port, another docking. It looked like everyone was going out to eat tonight, except Robin, who was watching the ship. Sanji had just finished making a meal for her and was debating whether to go out for himself or just stay and make something when he heard the galley door lightly open and close.

He looked over his shoulder and saw, to his shock, Nami standing there, wearing a t-shirt and a very short skirt, smiling at him. The scent of oranges floated to his nose and almost set him drooling.

"Nami-san!" he cooed, twirling to face her fully. "What brings you to the kitchen? I thought you were going out to eat like the others!"

"I am," she said softly, and the unfamiliar lilt to her voice sent shivers up and down his spine. "And you're coming with me."

Sanji was sure he must have misheard her. "Nami-san?"

She crossed to room to him, reaching up and looping two fingers through his tie. She tugged his face down and lightly kissed his lips.

"I promised you a date, didn't I?" she asked when she released him.

He came close to melting into a puddle on the floor. "Well, yeah, but…"

"You didn't think I forgot?"

"I would never think such a thing of you, Nami-san!"

She smiled, running her hand down the length of his tie. "Then get your jacket and come on." She turned on her heel and started walking off, hips swaying as she did.

"Oh, mellorine!" he gasped as he jumped to follow her.

_A/N: Sorry it's probably not as much SaNa as you wanted, Abra, but some's better than none. XD_

* * *

Number Twelve: Animalistic

_Suggested by Asura_

Well, this was certainly interesting.

Zoro did an experimental scuttle to the left across the railing. Then he went to the right.

Really annoying, actually.

He wiggled his eye stalks and wondered how exactly he was supposed to become the world's greatest swordsman with pinchers. After all, he couldn't hold a sword with claws.

Ugh. That stupid crab just _had_ to be hitching a ride on their ship, didn't it?

"Hey, a crab," said Sanji suddenly, looking down at him. He reached forward as though to snatch it up.

Zoro pinched his finger. "Like hell you're cooking me, asshole!" was what he meant to say, but that was impossible with only a crab mouth.

Still, the cook's curse followed by his sucking of the offended finger was priceless.

"Why, you little-" Sanji made the mistake of bending to bellow at the crab, and Zoro leapt and pinched onto his nose, holding on with all this strength.

Sanji yelped and tried to get him on, but Zoro held with a death grip.

"Shiddy cwab! I'ma gonna boi'ble you in o'ble!!!"

"I'd like to see you try, dartboard!" he snapped back, though Sanji didn't understand (or hear), of course.

Sanji's hand wrapped around him and yanked him off his nose, then leaned back as though to hurl him into the sea.

Zoro hadn't considered that happening. "Whoa, wait, wait, it's me, Zoro!"

"Sanji!" screamed Chopper suddenly, running forward and stopping him. "That crab is Zoro!"

Everyone on the deck stopped. "…WHAT!?!"

"He just said he was!"

"Damn straight."

"There, he said it again!"

"He certainly acts like the marimo," Sanji conceded, lowering the crab to look at him.

The crab seemed to scowl, and Sanji scowled back.

"I think I read something about this," said Robin. "Bring Swordsman-san into the galley, Cook-san, please, and I'll look for the book."

"And don't eat him!" added Nami, to Luffy as much as Sanji.

"Tch." Sanji rolled his eyes and took him into the galley. "Act up and we're having crab legs tonight."

_A/N: I know you said seagull, Asura, but the crab idea hit me and I couldn't resist. ^^_

* * *

Lucky Number Thirteen: The Alternate Ending

_I'm leaving the set-up of this one to your imagination. *lazy* This is happening on the island where the bounty hunters took Zoro, same day he gets back in his body._

Tashigi stared out at port, anxious for Captain Smoker to return. Who would've imagined that the Strawhats were _here_, now? She needed their captain to get back from the base and decide their next move.

Oh, look, there he was… wearing a straw hat?

"Captain Smoker!" She ran down the gangplank and joined him, looking frantic. "Did you realize the Strawhats were here? And why are you wearing that?"

He glared at her, looking irritable. "I know they're here. I saw Strawhat himself."

Her eyes widened. "Is that why you have his hat?"

The captain sighed, cigar smoke blowing everywhere. "Well, he was chasing this little kid with a creepy smile when I saw him. I tried to stop them both, but then the kid said something about a soul, and when I woke up again, his body and the kid were gone."

"We have to find that kid!" Tashigi realized.

"I'd say we did."

"Sir?"

Before Smoker could say anything more, a sudden gust of wind blew off the straw hat.

Smoker's eyes flashed from gray to red and he yelled worriedly, "Hat!" He punched at the air, and his fist turned to smoke, shooting up around the hat. "Aah! That's not what I wanted to happen!"

"S-sir?"

Smoker ignored her, running after the hat, his hand still made of smoke. "Darn it, how am I supposed to grab anything like this? HAT!!!" Then he skidded to a halt. "Just do this, you idiot." The smoke hand swirled around the hat and dragged it back to Smoker, whose arm became solid. He placed it back on his head and cheered aloud, "Hey, thanks, Smokey!"

Tashigi was completely freaked out now. "S-sir?" she ventured slowly.

Smoker turned to her, looking annoyed with the entire situation. "As you can see, I have to find that kid if I want this moronic pirate out of my mind. So come on." Eyes flashed to red. "But I'm huuungry! Can't we eat first?" Eyes flashed to gray. "No! There's no time for that!" He stared to walk into the city, then turned around and came back. "Actually, some steak sounds really good right now…"

Tashigi sighed. Well, they had warned her that the Grand Line was a weird place…

_A/N: Poor Smoker… XD_

* * *

A/N: Well, there they are! I hope you enjoyed these! I had SO MUCH FUN with this entire project, and you guys made it extra special!! And thanks for pushing me over 200 reviews!!! It's so awesome!! *parties*

Well, now that it's done, I suppose I'll be leaving now. Huge thanks again for reading!!!!!!!

This is Dandy Wonderous, signing off. *footsteps leaving, light clicks off*

*light clicks back on*

Tom: …She gone?

Kumquat: …Yep.

Tom: Excellent. *turns to audience* Hey, mortals! I'm Tom, Dandy's muse and temporary imaginary boyfriend/dance partner! Until her Sim slapped my Sim with a fish, that is.

Kumquat: And I'm Kumquat, the spirit of Dandy's flute.

Tom: And we're here to tell you about Dandy's next project! Even though she didn't want us to.

Kumquat: It is entitled…

Both: "Kiss Kiss"!

Tom: Some of you may have read the little mini-summary on her profile about it.

Kumquat: It's completely changed from what she was thinking at the time.

Tom: COMPLETELY changed.

Kumquat: It is now 800% more angsty.

Tom: But also 900% more SaNa.

Kumquat: She wants to start it in October for real. But what she DOESN'T want you to know is that she wrote the first chapter back in July and as we speak it's up on livejournal.

Tom: Where her username is dandywonderous just like it is here.

Both: So you can go there and read it. And then maul her for being inconsistent and lazy!

Tom: And then we'll laugh.

Kumquat: Hard.

Tom: Yeah.

Kumquat: So do that when you have time.

Tom: The reason she's waiting until October is because she's trying to finish a really long SaNa AU oneshot.

Kumquat: NOT "Engagement." This is different, people.

Tom: She also has another oneshot she wants to write that involves her five favorite pairings and an interesting trip to the grocery store.

Kumquat: She's also working on some drabbles for "Specks of Seafoam," trying to finish her _Naruto_ story "Timeless"-

Tom: Which has been waiting for an update even longer than you've been waiting for this.

Kumquat: -AND she foolishly joined one of those 30 fic things on livejournal and now has 27 fics about Sanji left to write by Halloween.

Tom: Not to mention she's working on getting a big time scholarship for college.

Kumquat: Basically what we're saying is, expect really slow and erratic updates for all her crap.

Tom: Yep.

Kumquat: On the plus side, her scholarship stuff is due by November 15, and football season ends around then, too, so she won't have as much band stuff anymore.

Tom: But isn't she going to slow down or even stop at Thanksgiving so she can work on her fics for Christm-

Kumquat: WHOA, WHOA, WHOA!!! If she knows we're mentioning that we'll REALLY get it!!!

Tom: So what? We're not real; what can she do to us?

Kumquat: Well, I _am_ real, so she could smash me…

Tom: No way she's smash her flute.

Kumquat: She has to get a new one for college.

Tom: Oh… in that case, you're screwed, man.

Kumquat: Thanks, dude, thanks.

Tom: So anyway, that's what's up with Dandy the workaholic. …So what do we do now?

Kumquat: I guess we could sign off?

Tom: Oo, Dandy impression! *high squeaky voice* This is Dandy Wonderous, signing off!

Kumquat: *high squeaky voice* I'm gonna go watch some "A Very Potter Musical" now!

Tom: Dude, for the win!

Kumquat: Heh, yeah. Night, everybody!

Tom: Call me! I'm single!

*lights flip back off*


End file.
